Jolie, the day after

I follow many blogs written by woman who either have breast cancer, are BRCA positive or have had a prophylactic mastectomy.  Yesterday after reviewing several of those blogs most covered Angelina Jolie in some way of another.  What struck me as very interesting is the wide range of opinions on her story.  Most women like myself who underwent BPM surgery commend Jolie for using her platform if for nothing else to get the conversation about breast cancer risks flowing.

I was very interested in some that took great offense in how for lack of a better word , simplistic Jolie made the event seem.  In her article she makes a statement, “but days after surgery you can be back to a normal life”.  Now, I had a different surgery since my reconstruction was done by DIEP flap surgery cutting my entire abdomen.  This required many different steps be taken including not being able to move a muscle in the hospital for 48 hours and having someone checking for a pulse in my new breasts every hour which was fun for all. (not!)

When I got home I was no where close to back to a normal life.  Honestly there was a great deal of pain, many tears and for many weeks the belief that there would never be such a thing as “normal”.  I remember weeks after the surgery attempting to walk around the block with the girls and feeling like I would not make it home.  I remember being unable to get in and out of my own bed. I could not lift my arms, bend over or lift anything for what seemed like a lifetime.  I could not shower for well over a month because of the drains which left such large scars that shaving was an issue for months.  I could go on and on but the point is the same, it was less than a normal life for a very long time!

Normal.  I guess it is all in how we define the word.  I will be reminded for the rest of my life every time I take a shower.  60+ stitches left a more than noticeable scar across my abdomen.  I had wonderful surgeons whom I would recommend to anyone. Angelina describes her “small scar”, I am sure she had the best medical care that money could buy and she probably had a better outcome from it than many.  I do not fault her for that at all.  All I do is say that I will agree with those who fell she does paint a much rosier picture than what I found to be my reality.

One thing that was normal for me was the fear that after multiple years of biopsies that the next one would be the one to show cancer.  That the next mammogram would be the one.

With that said, the many of use who have shared our stories could never reach the audience that she has with her name recognition.  As I stated yesterday in my post, if her experience results in women being tested, educated and empowered well God bless her for sharing simplistic story and all!  Maybe it will cause women to take to the internet to read more realistic stories of the process. Causing women to act is the important thing.  Get your mammograms, question your history, talk to your doctor.

I thank god everyday that I had the strength to make such a decision.  I too now only have a 5% risk of developing breast cancer.  Even with the worst of the memories running through my head about the surgery and recovery, I would do it again tomorrow.  I look forward to many healthy years with my family!

Me and Angelina Jolie

In the news this morning I learned that Angelina Jolie and I seem to have a lot in common.  Her story is very similar to my own and to all of the women I have met along the way in my time writing this blog.  Chosing to have a bilateral prophylactic mastectomy, to remove a part of your body because it will one day quite probably declare war on the rest of your body.

The difference is her celebrity makes news.  I am glad that she wrote the article in the NY times.  It brings to light the struggle that so many woman have.  Having genetic testing and advanced medical abilities which have allowed so many of us to make a preventative decision to take control of our own medical destiny.  Maybe her sharing the story that so many of us have lived will cause a few more women to have a mammogram.  Maybe a few will open up to their doctors about their family history.  Maybe one day we can finally put breast cancer in the past.

Until then, Bravo to all who share their stories!

A great day!

IMG_4244Happy Mothers Day to all!  

What a nice day I had today!  It got off to a slow start with a morning filled with light recovery from a festive end of season soccer party yesterday.  We had the entire team and their families for a late night filled with  laughs, drinks, good times and a few fireworks.

The morning started with the girls giving me cards and crafts made at school, all very nice and thoughtful. They included cute things on “I love you because…” and little “helping hands” of items that I can cash in for help over the year.  I think one of my favorites was the card from Madison which was a recordable card.  I did not expect to hear he little voice telling me that she loved me as I opened it.   I also got flowers and a gift card to the hair salon which will come in very handy this Wednesday when I once again will wash the gray away.

Frank got us take out from the diner for breakfast which was very tasty.  After the girls and I laid on the sofa and watched a Harry Potter movie.  IMG_4266

An extra special event of the day was Madison’s first attempt to ride her bike without training wheels.  She prepared by putting on both knee and elbow pads explaining to me that she was nervous that she may fall. She headed outside with Frank as I went to grab some shoes.  I put on some flip-flops and headed out the front door just in time to see my baby pedal by.  I could not be more proud! IMG_4273The day wrapped up with Frank cooking dinner and the girls helping with the dishes.  Not a bad day at all!  I have come to realize that it is the little things that make life exciting.  Seeing my daughter overcome her fear and conquer a training wheel free bike, a hand written card filled with love or those moments just holding my girls while watching a movie.  These are the things that are important in life and I cherish every one!

School day blues

I spent the day in Madison’s Kindergarten class today.  I only have one more left before the end of the year.  That thought made me very sad.  Adding to my “blues” was the permission slip to go on the elementary bus trip which I was presented with yesterday.

Our district is rather large.  Our Kindergarten is half day split sessions in its own building.  They then split up into 6 elementary school followed by 3 middle school and finally a high school that is over 1/4 of a mile long.  Moving from one phase of school to another can be a bit overwhelming for the kids.  Our district does a nice job in making that transition as easy as possible.  Heading into Kindergarten, Madison and I took a bus trip and tour of the school.  Now, heading to elementary school the kids will all go to school in two weeks and then board busses for the elementary they will attend next year.  They will tour the school, meet some teachers and have snack in the cafeteria.

Madison is so excited, I am excited for her, proud of her and so sad all at the same time.  With Megan heading into fourth grade, and Madi  to first, it is more clear than ever that my babies are growing up.  I think about my miscarriage and about the mastectomy, I envisioned us with a third little Bailey but that was not to be.

I have two beautiful, smart wonderful girls and I know that I am blessed!  My blues will pass but tonight I am allowed to mope a bit. Tomorrow is another day.

Garden fresh

If it was not for the allergies that the girls and I suffer from, Spring would be my favorite season!  Trees blooming, birds chirping and time to plant the garden!

After weeks of prepping, planning and expanding the garden the plants went in on Sunday.  We have come a long way since the first time we tried to grow some things.  A few tomato plants in pots just 4 years ago to the largest garden to date this year.  We will be growing tomatoes of course, both large and cherry,tons of cherry!  We eat them like fruit all summer long).  We also have both red and green bell, jalapeño and long hot peppers, cucumbers, strawberries and a first this year an attempt at watermelon.IMG_4242

It has really been a team effort this year.  Frank bought soil for us that we needed for the expansion.  The girls both took turns with both the hoe and rake getting out the weeds.  On Sunday when it came time to plant, the girls were so excited. Every year we say that it is “our” garden but of course I do most of the work.  Last year they did a wonderful job during the summer harvesting since I was still recovering from the bilateral prophylactic mastectomy.

IMG_4243This year it truly is “our” garden.  Megan and Madison both did a great job planting.  They took their time placing young, fragile plants into perfectly dug holes.  Two days later things look great.  The plants look healthy and already seem to be growing.  I look forward to watching the garden flourish and to the satisfaction it will provide to my girls.  It should be a fun summer of gardening and fresh veggies!

Some life lessons are hard

Yesterday I posted about the bird nest that had been attacked by the Crow’s.  We were very hopeful that we had been able to save the bird family since the mother bird had returned to the nest.  Those hopes started to wane around dusk last night when the nest seemed empty.  We are not able to see into the nest due to its height in the tree.  The girls refused to believe anything bad had happened instead believing that mom was out “stretching her wings”.

This morning Megan was first out the door to again find an empty nest.  The realization set in.  Sadness hit my girls.

Life is a series of lessons, some big others small many sad but others wonderful.  They all have to be learned.  For my girl today death, and the fact that sometimes no matter how hard you try, your best is not always enough.

The biggest lesson of the day, never stop trying and always give your best.  As long as you do, the good will outweigh the bad!