Thoughts, rants and ideas of a woman, wife, mother and post bilateral prophylactic mastectomy patient
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 12,000 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 20 years to get that many views.
While I was in the Hospital after my prophylactic mastectomy, Frank and the girls went to the movies to see Disney’s Brave. I remember when they got to the hospital the girls hugging me and telling me that they all cried at the movie. I was not too aware of the plot. The girls told me that they thought of me when the princess almost lost her mommy which is why they cried. Frank compared me to the momma bear. I was intrigued but I was still on the pain pump so details of any conversation from that time period are a bit hazy but it stuck with me for several reasons. One because I was happy that they were out doing things together. Another because whatever had struck them about the movie caused them to talk which is something that the girls did not often do with their father. This movie was an important bonding time for the three of them that has continued nicely to this day.
Since the movie was important to them, especially to Madison, I wanted receiving it to be just as important. For Christmas, 
Madi received the DVD and a play set that included both Princess Merida and Angus (her horse). She was very excited! Usually when we get a new movie there is a big rush for the girls to watch it but not this time. The three of them agreed that we all needed to watch it together.
So today was the day. I made hot chocolate for the girls and I and the four of us settled in for movie time. The girls even took turns sitting on my lap, which is not normal nor it is easy these days with their sizes.
The movie was very good! There were no tears this time but I understand 
why there were the first time. In the movie due to decisions made by the princess, the queen is turned into a bear and unless the bond that was broken can be repaired, the spell will not be able to be reversed and her mother will be lost forever. She needs to be Brave to save her mother and protect her from hunters while trying to reverse the spell. Even in her darkest day with hunters upon her, the momma bear still protects the princess fully knowing that she is in the situation because of her daughter. My baby girls explained that when they saw it while I was in the hospital, they thought of me as the Brave momma bear who they would never want to lose and that they needed to protect me. Pretty cool!
As I have stated many times throughout the process, the babies who I was so worried about somewhere right in front of my eyes grew into beautiful, caring young girls. I am so proud of them both!
And as a movie review, I would give Brave 2 thumbs up! A great family movies that can spark even better life lesson conversations!
By the time I was 1-year-old my parents were divorced. By the time I was 12 I fully understood that my “father” was lacking in many if not all fatherly responsibilities. The fact that we had to move to a much smaller house, or the fact that we only saw him sometimes or maybe it was the lack of birthday presents, or the fact that they both played the “what did you, (fill in parent here crap) or, or, or…….
I did not see him much growing up and even less (if at all between 12 and 22, do not really remember ). I was very angry I can openly admit it. We went without a lot. Unlike today, divorced parents were not the norm then so it was rough in school. Oh, and it was 12 years of Catholic school, (they were even less accepting of the divorce concept.)
I could whine further about the different difficulties growing up but who cares. For the most part I have lived with a belief of using all experiences to build character. I am the strong person that I am because instead of dwelling on my shitty childhood I used it to make me stronger. With that said, I had absolutely no relationship with my father after roughly 12 years old..zip, nada none!
The only reason I saw him at 22 was because he was at my sister’s wedding for a few minutes but we did not speak. She has now been divorced much longer than she was ever married, and the sarcastic side of me wonders, could he have been the bad luck?
So, over the years my siblings have had on and off relationships with the man which is within their rights. I have had no interest. When Megan was born a message was relayed that he would like to meet her….my answer was along the line of F— You !
My girls are getting older, asking questions. I have never lied to my girls about anything. My mother died in 2002 of metastasized breast cancer. Franks parents both died while he was in college, his mother of the same as mine and his father of a massive heart attack. My girls until about a year ago believed all of their grandparents were dead.I beliveve it was Madison who was the first to ever pose the question about my father. She was the first who realized we never specifically mentioned my father. Once asked, Is your daddy alive, I had no choice but to answer “yes”.
Many questions came with that “yes” answer. Why have we never met him? Why was he not around for you like our daddy? There are no good answers for any questions posed on this subject tossed from a 6 or 8-year-old. I thought it would just end this way, two confused girls with questions I would “attempt” to answer either truthfully or not.
And then something happened not too long ago. Not to get to deeply into it, but my grandmother died, his mother. I do not know if it was the passage of year, the lack of others talking in my ear, the thoughts of my own children regretting the chance to meet the only living grandparent they had but I decided to change years of a solid belief stance. I told my brother that if their grandfather wanted to meet them, to let him know my e-mail.
Time for bed so a long story needs to end. After a few e-mails, he was in town…..my father who I have not seen in at least 20 year. Arrangements were made and it was time for my girls to meet the only grandparent they had.
Thursday Night..the big night. I had no real feeling either way to be honest. I expected the worst and hoped for the best. On the other hand, my daughter, especially my little one were so excited. “is this my real grand pop?” she asked? “Yes Madison, the one and only”. This was a real Q&A less than 15 minutes before the knock at the door. I did not tell them until a few hours before the expected meeting. I did not want them to live the disappointment I had for years.
In the end, they had a wonderful time. He was good with the girls and did great with their gifts. The fact that he brought his girlfriend who thinks she knows everything, well was tough on me but such is life. Thankfully my loving husband was around the entire time and took over when I needed to go for a “walk”. His girlfriend was just nonstop talking or the talk about shit she has no idea about OR she truly proved herself to be one of the most truly annoying (or dumb) people I have ever met!
I will leave that there, but will admit that I made the right decision in letting the girls meet their grandfather. Not because I have any different feelings about the man but because how happy they are about meeting some one that they thought did not exist. He watched them dance, watched meg play piano, listened to stories and brought gifts. That is the definition of “grandparent” right?
That is all I have for now..this post has taken way too long! Good night all!
Decisions for my Family 