A Mother’s Pride

What makes me smile? Maybe it is watching my 6-year-old score 4 goals in a soccer game. Or listening to that same beautiful girl read me the book she took out of the library. This same little girl who used to think it was funny to look at a color and tell me the wrong answer and laugh.

For years I worked tirelessly hoping to achieve success. The kind of success that the powers that be measure in scorecards and pay bonuses on and yes base you overall job on. I smoked heavily and stressed even more heavily. I lost friends along the way because my priorities were often misguided. If the scorecards or the paychecks were the measure I was successful. There was a problem, I was not happy.

Today I experienced pure happiness. It started with a 6 year old’s soccer game and my baby controlling the soccer field. The coolest part was actually in the car before we arrived when she explained that one of the other little girl had not scored a goal yet this year so she intended to help her finally achieve that goal today. How awesome is that? My little girl concerned about the feeling of a friend and planning how to help.

Megan had a different experience today. Since the beginning of the soccer season she has been the starting (and only) goalie of her team. Today due to some political silliness and forgetfulness she was made to sit for the first 10 minutes of the game. So a small step back first, when my daughter was asked to try out the goalkeeper position last year I was not a fan. She was interested so I agreed. It has not always been easy and there is a TON of extra pressure playing the position. Since she has decided she enjoys it, my husband and I have invested in her success. She attends goalkeeper camps that typically run about 8 weeks at a time and add an extra cost of anywhere from $170-$200 each to our lives. She is about to attend the fourth of such camps in 2 weeks which would put the overall investment at 32 hours and roughly $720. So when my child misses one practice in order to fit everything in and enjoy Halloween and some one complains forcing my child to sit for 10 minute the mama bear in me rears up just a bit. Since I understand the position of the coach I bite my tongue and suck it up and deal with the situation.

So back to real-time, fourth quarter game tied 1-1 and a call of hand ball inside the 18 yard line on our team. A direct kick straight on my baby with no help. As a parent I am of course concerned with the safety of my child first. As a parent on the team I worry about the possible goal that is sure to go in setting up only the second loss of the season. The time seemed to slow to a crawl. The referee talked to my daughter, words I could not hear from the side line. The talk seemed to last for minutes and all the while there was silence from the parents. Sitting in our local park maybe it was just me but there was purse silence. Once finished talking to Megan the ref went to the other girls and pushed them all back behind the 18 yard line. Time continued to stand still. He positioned himself and finally blew his whistle. As I held my breath the play finally started. The young lady from the other team took a minute and stepped to the ball launching it to the top of the net. My baby reach up knocking the ball down and with the ball bouncing in front of the goal line, a live ball, all 12 girls from each side rushed into the net attempting to take control of the ball. My baby totally unphased by the rush dropped to the ground covering the ball putting an end to the play. She grabbed the ball, ran to one end of the 18 and dropped a punt to mid field. A skill learned though many hours of camps and practice.

Our entire team players and families cheered but only my husband and I could fully understand just how great this was. See, my daughter has never been a natural athlete. Quiet the contrary she is a book-worm would much prefer to sit and read all day. It has taken many hour of work stress and sometimes tears to get this far. She has dedicated herself to improving her game. To see her leadership on the field taking control and basically telling the others “hey follow me I have this”, as a parent you can not help but feel pride. Is there any better definition of a leader?

So as a parent, to sit on the side lines watching a child who does not even realize that due to circumstances beyond her control she is being punished, step into a game and take the team onto her shoulders as a true leader, well if that does not instill pride into a mother what does?

What if……

I recently got into a conversation with someone in which I once again talked about my surgical history with the bilateral prophylactic mastectomy. I share my story often and openly in the hopes that it may help someone else. I am typically met with some amount of shock followed by questions which are usually the same. Interestingly one of the first tends to be “was it painful”. Other typical questions surround BRCA testing, family history and what lead me to make the radical decision I did to have the mastectomy.

So, back to the most recent conversation. For the first time I was asked the question, “what if you made a mistake and the surgery was not needed.” I found that to be an interesting question especially since lobular carcinoma in situ(LCIS) was found. Even after discussing the pathology this person stuck to the yeah but “what if” question. A quick reply was what if I did not and 5 years down the road I was diagnosed with Breast cancer?

I do not live in “what if”. This is why I had the surgery. I never wanted to look back with regret. SO to help land my point I tossed out a few other what if questions.

What if the Declaration of Independence was never signed?

What if Martin Luther King had never been born?

What if women never gained the right to vote?

What if we had never pushed the norms of technology?

All of these questions sound just ridiculous. Life is all about decisions. They are not always easy or comfortable and there will always be someone standing off to the side just waiting to second guess or challenge. I am not sure if I swayed the person’s opinion nor do I really care to be honest. You make decisions everyday, at the end of it all you can only hope you made more good than bad.

To travel or not to travel, that is the question!

I am not typically one to read magazine articles but I just found myself chuckling at an article in the “Philadelphia” magazine. The article is about a parent struggling with the decision to sign up a child for travel soccer or not. Oh how I can relate to this parent!

When I was a child my parents were divorced. I was raised by a single working mother who made it clear that after a hard week at work she would not spend her free time carting us around to sporting events. If we wanted to participate in anything outside of school it would need to be with a friend whose parent was willing to take us also. This may sound rough but now as a parent I understand (most of the time).

Many would say that my husband and I over compensate at times. On top of school, my children both take music lessons, karate and play sports. I remember a few years ago attempting to arrange for parties on the weekend and having many friends reply with “I am sorry but we have (fill in sport)”. I would be left feeling a bit annoyed and would swear that our life would not be like that. I was dead set that we would not have our lives controlled by any sport.

That all changed one night last summer when we received a phone call from Megan’s parks and rec soccer coach explaining that he had made the decision to coach at the travel level and that he was hoping to see Megan try out. I was not thrilled with the idea but she really wanted to do it. Of course we allowed it and the rest is history. I am now the parent of the starting, (and only) goalkeeper on the team. The girls practice twice a week and our Saturdays are spent on the fields. Holiday weekends mean tournament play and for our child extra camps which cost extra money to improve her skills in-goal.

For some it sounds just awful and I will admit it is not for everyone. For our family, it seems right. We enjoy watching our girls play and improve. We have bonded with many “team” families. I also believe that the competition that comes with the travels program is very important. We live in a world of trophies for all, everybody plays and no winners or losers. For the young ones that is fine but there comes a time in life when it is time to learn reality. Life is filled with ups and downs, wins and losses. It is up to parents and coaches to teach that winning is not everything but showing up prepared to “play” is a must be it sport, school, work or life in general . Healthy competition as a child helps to prepare for the push and pull that they will experience through life.

I guess as time has passed I have become a “soccer mom”. I do refuse to put one of those soccer ball magnets on my car. We all have to draw the line somewhere :-).

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