Category: Becoming the Bailey’s

If I only had a crystal ball

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The way I see it, life is really about making a few good decisions at the right time.    For me I will say my job change was a very important decision made. I took a significant pay cut and loss of title in doing so. I was mocked by many around me.    I was even counter offered but in my heart I felt what I was doing was right.  In the end, I achieved so much more, a higher title and worlds more money.  It  allowed me to live the professional life I always thought I wanted.  It also allowed me to open my mind up to other aspects of my life, the possibility of having a family.

Changing course in my life and having the girls was a huge decision for me which may be the greatest one I have ever or will ever make.  My girls are my world!  There is no title available that could fill my life as much as seeing my girls grow and learn.

I had to go to the dentist the other day.  It was the first place where I have had to announce my recent surgery.  As I sat down, the hygienist asked cheerfully, “any medical changes since last visit?” Oh sure!

She had just turned 40.  I know that because the rest of the appointment we talked about boobs.  She was very interested in my story . What I found interesting is the fact that she also had a friend with breast cancer and a script for a mammogram yet had not made an appointment.  She told me that her doctor had ordered it as a baseline when she had her appointment a few months ago and had just not gotten around to making the mammo appointment. Did I think it was really that important?  My eyes must have done something because she sat back allowing me to sit up  to answer.  I had my first mammo  in my early 20’s.  Do I think it is important…ugh hell yes!

Decisions, what to eat, wear, is getting a mammogram today really that important?

Having a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy I am sure will turn out to be at the top of my good decisions list.  With the pathology results, I don’t even need to list why.

I almost want to call my dentist office to see if she has made her appointment yet.  Had my mother gone earlier?  But you can’t go back you can only look at all of the information at hand and make what you hope will be the right decision, one that 20 years down the road makes that list, the list of the few great decisions I made in my life.

Life changing experiences

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So I ended my last post with the following question: Could there be room in the Bailey clan for more little ones?  What a buzz that started! :-).  In hindsight could have worded it better, it is not any type of breaking news.  Was intended to only be a lead in to the next piece of the story.

After growing up swearing I would never have children, I am so happy that my mind was changed.  I love being mommy.  It took a little while to get used to the fact that I did not leave my house to go to work. I state it that way because as a stay at home mom, it is work.  It is amazing how some people do not feel that to be true.  How many times over the years I have been asked when I was going to get a “real job” or go “back to work”.  I am blessed to be in a financial position to be able to stay home with my children.  Things could of course be easier if I were also bringing in a pay check but this is a decision that my husband and I made together for the best of our family.  It is not a decision that is right for everyone nor would I ever judge another for the decisions made for their family.  I guess that is why is angers me so when that judgement is made about me.

Late in 2009 we decided to add to the clan.  The world needed another Bailey!  I was about 8 weeks pregnant when I went to the OB for the first visit.  I was sent for an ultrasound a few days later.  During the ultrasound visit the tech informed me that my dates must be wrong.  According to measurements the baby  was only 5 weeks.  I was very sure about the dates!  I was moved to another room to meet with a doctor.  They put me on progesterone in an attempt to prevent a miscarriage.  I was to return in 2 days for blood work.

I returned and had a small, very small improvement in the blood counts.  Within a day I started to have cramping and some bleeding.  I called the doctor and got an immediate appointment.  Before I could even get there , I had a miscarriage.  To make it worse, my Madison was with me, scared, crying.  My heart was broken but the baby in front of me had to take priority.  I calmed her and we went to the doctor.  All they could do was offer support, a shoulder to cry on.  Over the next roughly 10 days I had to return every 2 days for blood work.  Of course my body could not complete the job and I had to be scheduled for a D&C.

Sad does not fully cover the feeling.  Life goes on, I had two beautiful girls who needed me. I never fully grieved, that is not who I am.  I was very sad, but it was my responsibility to get up and move on.  Once a little time passed we figured we would try again.  I really always believed we would have another child that is until June 2011.

For those who have followed the blog a while, you know that was when it all began.  I found a lump in March 2011 and by June had received the news that although not cancer, an “Irregularity” and the 50-50 breast cancer chance.  Decisions, life is full of decisions.  I so wanted another child, but what I want more was to live to see the 2 that I had grow and thrive.  I had the Mastectomy 7/2/2012.

Could I have a child now?  Sure physically I could.  In a few weeks I will be 41 years old, my husband is 43.  My body is not fully recovered from the mastectomy, DIEP surgery, and  breast reconstruction. Do I want to be 60 packing my child up for college?  And after everything I have been through to put my body through that?

I just don’t have it in me.  I have two beautiful, smart and thankfully healthy girls that I love with all of my heart.  Things happen for a reason I am told.  I love my family!

 

A growing family

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Once Frank and I decided we are going to expand our family,  my head was full, so many thoughts, will we be good parents?  Will our children sit on some couch in 30 years talking about how we screwed up their lives? But in we dove.  The decision was the easiest part.

To start with I gained over 70 pounds when pregnant with Megan.  There were many reason for this I assume. I was a smoker and quit as soon as I found out I was pregnant.  I am sure I was a real hormonal piece of work  to be around while going through nicotine withdrawal.  I also decided that Megan liked Lemon water ice and mini chocolate donuts.  She NEEDED to have them!

At some point the pregnancy was deemed “high risk”.  I had placenta previa.  I would have to take a few days off from work each time and lay flat and not move.  I was sent for a “high risk”  ultrasound, which was code for way too long.   They  counted every limb, finger and even toe.  They searched for each organ and after almost 2 hours they determined that Megan was just fine.

I grew larger and larger, my due date came and went, I walked and grew and then walked some more.  I thought if I kept moving she would eventually drop out.  Once I was over 2 1/2 weeks late they finally induced labor and my giant 9 lb 6 oz baby girl arrived.  They quickly swept her away from me after determining that she was not breathing properly.  She stayed the next few days in the NICU. In the end, thankfully she was fine.

I loved being a mom.  We decided the Bailey clan needed another member.  My pregnancy with Madison was pretty uneventful.  Other than being huge massive and extremely uncomfortable, it went pretty smoothly.  Once Madison was born, my Megan seemed to be taken over by a very unhappy little person that I did not know.  There were some complications during delivery with Madison so they converted to an emergency C-section.  I ended up in the hospital for several days.  During visits Megan would not talk to me or sit with me and she wanted nothing to do with her sister!

Things are so much easier with the second child.  By the time I left the hospital, the nurses had already had Madi on a decent schedule.  She was such a pleasant baby.  Good eater, good sleeper and for the most part little fuss.  It did not take long for Megan to warm up to her sister.

Watching them together was and is wonderful.  They get along beautifully.  Of course they argue at times but they are the best of friends and think of each other always.  If either is away from the other and offered anything, they ask for one for the other.  They are my world.

Could there be room in the Bailey clan for more little ones?