Thoughts, rants and ideas of a woman, wife, mother and post bilateral prophylactic mastectomy patient
The last few days I have felt unsettled, annoyed and just plain pissy. Today was a nice family day. We had a lazy morning since Madison did not have a soccer game. Megan’s game was not until 2 and then we went to dinner. In the end, no matter how much everything else seems out of control, not matter how much the world just drives me crazy, I love my family!
Do you ever have those days? You know the ones where you just want to kick and scream and tell everyone to go to hell? Everyone wants something, pulling this way and that, but your head says, don’t rock the boat, try to keep the peace. In the end, everyone walks on egg shells and my headache grows. Is “the peace” worth it if there is always a set of rules that everyone must play by before a conversation can even start?
I don’t know, maybe it was the mastectomy, maybe the way people acted/reacted to me and the surgery or maybe it was the pathology reports that flashed before my eyes how quickly things can change. I feel like I am looking at things differently, reacting differently. I am not sure if this is good or bad and for a person who has a need to be in control it is definitely a little unsettling.
So I had the appointment with the gynecologist today…always a thrill! It is interesting telling my Prophylactic Mastectomy story to people who are not aware. According to her, records are often not sent until you are released from care. Since I am still officially undergoing treatment my GYN had no update since the mammogram of March 2011 that started it all. She was a very interested audience. The person I see at the office is one of the nurse practitioners. I have gone to her for years, much easier to get an appointment that trying to see one of the doctors. She was the one who was there the day I had my miscarriage and she was the one I saw following the birth of both of my beautiful girls.
She added to the chorus of folks who say how brave I am. She also added to the list of those who want me to have further tests. She agrees with the colonoscopy and not to be out done by other doctors, feels I should also go for a pelvis ultrasound. I feel like I am some pawn in a wired medical game, I se you mastectomy and raise you one colonoscopy and a pelvic ultrasound. So if everything were to go perfect, I have at least 5 more medical appointments minimum before we can close this chapter of my life, and when does life go perfect?
The connection between breast and ovarian cancer is known. Can I say clearly how F-ing tired I am of tests and doctors? Of course I will go but think I am going to hold off making an appointment until next week. I hope to get a date nailed down for the last of the breast procedures before making more appointments. I sure hope it is the last!
Decisions for my Family 