Category: Me

More waiting

533629_395555573861729_660755664_nSo for as much as I was hoping to leave the medical headaches of the last year in the last year, I had to go for the followup pelvic ultrasound today.  A million and one people have told me not to worry about it and for the most part of have been able to put it out of my head but those million and one people did not just finish recovering from a bilateral prophylactic mastectomy.  I hate that today is Friday since I will have to wait through the weekend to hear anything.  I would like to believe those million and one people but what has me going today was the length of the ultrasound itself.  This one was more than twice as long as the first.  Now, I understand that sometimes things can not be seen as well and there are many factors including the tech doing it but none of these things can negate the fact that after the last year I am on edge and very much sick of it all!

Now we wait.

Relax, don’t worry, wash that gray away

There was a time when I worked when I had a reputation of instilling fear.  I was a no-nonsense kind of person who did not put up with much.  I was also known to have a bit of a short fuse and let’s just say that patience was not a virtue. I do not know if it is age or life experience especially those medical experiences over the last year but I really seem to be seeing things differently and reacting much differently.  (Patience, well still working on that one a bit :-))

I had an appointment to get my hair touch up today.  I arrived and sat for a few minutes chatting with the ladies at the desk.  I have been going to the same salon for years now.  We chatted about Christmas, taking down the holiday decorations and how we all welcomed the normal routine returning.  AFter sitting for 5-10 minutes they decided to call the person who does my hair since she seemed to be running late.

As the call was being made one of the owners of the salon had come to the front, a very nice gentlemen about my age.  The news was then delivered, there was a miscommunication and they were so sorry but my stylist thought she had the day off.  Now, since I had surgery the week of Thanksgiving my hair schedule is a mess and I was WAY overdue for my touch up.  At 41, it is very clear that if I would allow it to grow in I would be fully gray, a look I am not ready for to say the least.

What happens next speaks to the changes I am experiencing in my older age I guess.  The owner immediately jumped in and said he would do my hair.  Now….for many women this is a very personal thing.  They wait weeks to get appointments with “their person”.  People become loyal, right or wrong.  Along with his offer to do my hair were continued apologies and an offer of a 20% price reduction on all services for the day.

I smiled and told them all to relax.  I was not upset at all.  I believe exactly what I said was, “no problem shit happens”.  I was getting the gray out which was the goal of the day.  Getting a discount, well that was a bonus.  There was a time where this probably would have set me off but why?  The way the shop handled it was about as well as you could ever hope for.  The woman who does my hair has an ill father who is preparing for surgery.  Between that, the holidays and her own family added in can overwhelm anyone.  Years ago I would not have know that because I guess I did not really care.  dontsweatthesmallstuff

There are real problems in life involving real people.  Life is just too short to get crazy over silly, stupid or senseless issues.  I guess we would all be better off if we could figure these things out much earlier.  I am happy that I am finally realizing it myself!

What do you want?

What a question right?  I was driving along heading home from a small shopping trip and lunch with the girls on New Years eve when from the back of the car Madison asks, ” Hey Mom, what is your New Years revolution?”  I laughed both at the use of revolution and at the out of the blue question from my 6-year-old.  I thought about it for a second but had no answer.  I have not made a resolution in years.  I punted the question back to her and was faced with an immediate answer of “my revolution is to get a pony”.  Now, I did attempt to correct her wording to no avail. I also told her the thoughts of a pony would stay just that, thoughts.  🙂

It made me think though, it would not be a bad thing to set some goals, maybe identify what I want to achieve in the next year.  She is a persistent child also and would not let me get out of the car without something.  So here it is, my cliché new years resolution, I would like to be more fit and drop another 10-20 pounds.  As I have discussed before I had been working on my weight for a year prior to the mastectomy and DIEP reconstruction.  In total I have lost about 40 pounds since my peak “high”.  I really do feel so much better and would like to continue.

Since the last surgery was the week of Thanksgiving, it really threw me off of my game.  I had to limit activities for a week or so and then right into the holidays.  The hustle and bustle of getting everything ready for the holidays and of course the elliptical, walking and any other type of exercise related activity fell by the way side.  Having the kids home and sick for the last week has not helped either!  Very happy to be getting back to routine tomorrow!

SO sometimes it takes a six-year-old to help put things back into focus. It has also made me think about the broader question of what it is that I want.  There is of course the obvious, happy children and husband.  Good health, financial security but I am not sure that they answer the question of what do I want nor do I think it is an answer that I will come to sitting here typing tonight.  It is a question that I will spend some time thinking about so stay tuned, who knows there may be an epiphany.