Tag: breast cancer risk

Frustrated and upset-4 weeks post BPM

So with each passing day I feel stronger, healthier and more able to return to normal life.  Then I attempt to do so and something happens that just smacks me in the face and says “no sorry you are weak”.  I am 4 weeks out of surgery, home for three. I don’t know what I expected and I have nothing really to judge against.  I feel like I should be fully functioning (not at the gym or carrying heavy items but normal life)…am I wrong?

SO what was the most recent slap you ask?  I have still been sleeping in the bed Frank had moved to the family room with several pillows behind my back (so basically a 45 degree angle roughly) and one on each side under my arms to keep me from attempting to roll over.  I still do not find the steps comfortable so I try to keep them limited.  Frank came home from New York so I went upstairs with him to talk while he unpacked.  I sat on the bed and took the pillows to place under my arms to see how much room I would take on the bed seeing if I could start to sleep back in my own room, bed with my husband.  Since I had put the pillows down to be by my sides there were none behind me so when I went to lay down I dropped like a rock.  I could not hold myself up at all and then to add insult to injury I laid there like a freaking turtle on it’s back and could not get up, stuck and on the verge of tears!  WTF!

I need help…to my blog friends, IS this normal, I mean am I progressing  normally? Am I behind?  Am I crazy?  DO I need to chill out?

I can’t stand this! I mean I knew I would not be ready for the olympic team but I did not think that at the 4 week mark I would still be stuck trying to rise from a simple flat position.

Day 25 Post Bilateral Prophylactic Mastectomy

Tired this morning.  It was stormy all night.  I could not sleep to start with but then the thunder would boom every time I did finally doze off.  The one thing the storm did achieve was to cool things off a little at least for the morning.  The girls were up by 7am so I decided we should get up and about early.  After just sitting around all day yesterday I really wanted some activity so the girls ate a quick breakfast and off we went.  They expect another 90+ degree day full of humidity so I want no part of that!

We got dressed and and we were out the door. They rode bikes while I walked.  This time the walk was a compromise between the first short one and the second one that almost put me back into the hospital.  It felt good to get the blood flowing (and yes I took a pill as soon as I got home).  I am going to lay low the rest of the day..not push it.

Megan and Madison on the other hand were so sweaty after their bike ride that they are in the pool.  They can play for a while before lunch and by that time I will be ready for a nap and they will have had some nice outside time. There is a breeze blowing so sitting under the awning in somewhat comfortable.

Just under four weeks since surgery and I continue to improve with each day.  I have periods through the day where I feel no pain at all..lovely times!  Then in my way I do something to over exert and I have awful pain :-).  It is all a process and I am figuring it out as I go.  The update has not changed much.  I really look forward to the doctor Tuesday.  I am really hoping we can schedule phase two, rebuilding the nips!  I will be really bummed if we can not.  Guess we will deal with it as it comes!

The “pointy part”

Frank had to go out-of-town for business for a few days so it is my first time all alone for a few days.  Still can not drive so he went shopping last night to make sure we would have everything we would need.  Because of my overdoing it a bit yesterday I really had nothing left in me today.  The weather of course went back into the ugly humid 90’s and I just could not sit out by the pool in that heat so the girls were forced to play inside today.  Don’t get me wrong..they are really very good but the voices…those wonderful little voices NEVER stop.  Thankfully, a few minutes ago the knock came at the door.  There is a rag-tag little group that gets together several nights during the week right down the street to play baseball/tag whatever.  They are a mix of boys and girls age range 5-9 and a couple of the dad’s stay out to keep and eye/pitch or referee..whatever is needed.   Finally my first moment of quiet today. And a few hours of exercise and social activity for them!  Win win!

So I am still not allowed to wear a bra.  I have tried to keep the girls from seeing me topless.  Being as they are both girls I honestly have never hidden from them in the past.  I do not want them to be ashamed of their bodies. I have thought it best since things look so different that I did not want to scare them. But even with a sleeveless shirt it is pretty clear that as my 5-year-old puts it “they are not boobie shaped”.  Tonight as we were sitting here out of the blue she says to me that she can see the “hole” in my boob.  She wanted to know where the “pointy part went”.  She really is one smart cookie.  I told her the truth, for the most part.  The pointy part was part of what could have made me sick and that in a few weeks I would get a new one.  She found this to be fascinating.  Thought it was just amazing that they could just give me new ones.  I ‘ll tell you this…these are not conversations I ever thought I would be having with a 5-year-old. They asked to see…I told them my concerns and they told me that they were stronger than I gave them credit for.  Can you believe that?  So I showed them and asked what they were thinking.  They said that although it was strange it did not scare them.  They did say that they were happy that the doctor was going to replace “the pointy part”.

Wow…On top of the numerous things I have learned through this process one huge thing is that my babies are not babies anymore.  They are wonderful, smart caring little souls.  I am so proud of them both and I love them with all of my heart!