Tag: diep flap

Normal? maybe I am a wimp.

I am home and sitting for the most part comfortably.  I use the term loosely and for the first time today.  I consider myself to be pretty tough with a high pain threshold.  Child birth, a c-section, multiple surgical biopsies and the massive bilateral prophylactic mastectomy and DIEP flap all added to my ability to handle more than my fair share of pain.

Why do I list this?  Well everyone heading into today gave great feedback on the procedure.  I actually know many people who themselves have had it done and the universal feeling is a wonderful long-term result and most agree that there was minimal pain involved.  As I went into the surgical center today I went in very calm and felt confident about the next few days.  Then an interesting thing happened.  My doctor came in and talked about any pain over the next few days will be nothing more than that of “normal menstrual cramps”.  After the first breast revision surgery last summer, my surgeon at the time talked in a similar way about how pain-free things would be.  I remember the awful throbbing and sever pain.  After calling his office for stronger pain meds I remember him saying that yes it had been a big surgery.

When my doc today sounded the same, I decided to be a bit more proactive and asked if I would be sent home with any pain meds.  She seemed totally taken back and informed me that she did not even have her script pad.  I quickly looked at my husband who went to the internet on his phone to find a phone number to the drug store for something to be called in.  I told her that I would rather have something and not need it than have to hunt her down over the weekend.

This brings us to the point…THANK GOD I DID!  At the hospital they talked about the fact that I have a retroverted uterus and the extremely thick lining which to me was like whatever…what it meant was the most intense cramps I have ever had!  After some Tylenol with codeine and perception Motrin I have finally reached a point of calm.  All I have to say to the doctor is normal cramps my ass and thank-you for bowing to my request for meds!

And a year passes.

Sunday, a year ago today, I was preparing to change my life.  I was to be at the hospital by the crack of dawn Monday morning to prepare for my 12 and 1/2 hour marathon surgery.  A bilateral prophylactic mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction. Over the year I have discussed at length the who, what and why’s.

One year later I look back and am still very surprised and how much this decision changed my life.  Clearly the fact that cancer markers were found and I reacted before cancer, is an obvious reason as to why I would be happy with my decision.  It is the rest that really has made me a happier person.

I enjoy every minute.  I know that sounds ridiculous and of course there are the normal issues during the day that get on my nerves but as to my family I really can not wait for the next thing.  The next wonderful thing that comes out of Madison’s amazingly advanced 6-year-old mouth.  Watching my extremely talented Megan as she raises the bar of what is possible with each god given day.  My wonderful husband who deals with the frustrations of thankless non caring bosses and the daily grind that allows me to still be home with my girls.  I take nothing for granted, I thank god for each day.  That may sound strange to many who are close to me since they know that I am not a very religious person.  Raised Catholic, non practicing for more years than I can count, I can not deny that a higher being in involved in many of the things that have happened in my life even if I do not always buy into the norms of structured religion.

Unlike my mother and so many woman around the world, I was able to avoid  breast cancer.  I remember when the most important thing in my life was the next work ranking report, the next inventory, the next meeting blah blah.  How small that seems now.  Today the most important thing to me in ensuring that I hug my kids daily.  So many people do not understand.  Many never will , other just do not care.

I am no longer defined by what others think….another change that has come over the last year.  Tomorrow we have no set plans.  My girls and I will take the day as it comes.  I am sure that the events of a year ago will be on my mind often this week.  The pain, the struggles, the frustration, the relief that I did not have cancer, the realization that after many years of hate just maybe someone is watching over us.

I guess my mind will be a little full this week. Looks like it will be a great week.

Closure

While other celebrated Independence day last year, I laid perfectly still in a hospital bed,  IV’s and monitors attached everywhere.  Glass walls ensuring not a second of privacy. Less than 48 hours removed from a bilateral prophylactic mastectomy and DIEP flap surgery,  I laid in the ICU with crazy beeping machines and alarms because my heart rate continually dropped too low due to excessive (yet needed) pain medications.

I did not yet realize the struggles I was about to face in recovery.  I was not aware that my husband had moved a bed into the family room for me.  I did not think about how many additional surgeries would follow.  At the time I lived 10 minutes at a time. That is how long it took before the little green light on my hand-held pain button would light up communicating I could once again push for a dose of Dilaudid.

Tomorrow I see my surgeon and will be released from his care.  A final ending to this extremely long chapter in my life.  It has been a life changing set of months.  It has made me a better mother and wife.  It has helped me put things into better perspective as to what is really important in life, my family.

I am both lucky and truly blessed.