Temper temper

Do you ever have those days?  You know the ones where you just want to kick and scream and tell everyone to go to hell?  Everyone wants something, pulling this way and that,  but your head says, don’t rock the boat, try to keep the peace.  In the end, everyone walks on egg shells and my headache grows. Is “the peace” worth it if there is always a set of rules that everyone must play by before a conversation can even start?

I don’t know, maybe it was the mastectomy, maybe the way people acted/reacted to me and the surgery or maybe it was the pathology reports that flashed before my eyes how quickly things can change.  I feel like I am looking at things differently, reacting differently.  I am not sure if this is good or bad and for a person who has a need to be  in control it is definitely a little unsettling.

Frustrated and upset-4 weeks post BPM

So with each passing day I feel stronger, healthier and more able to return to normal life.  Then I attempt to do so and something happens that just smacks me in the face and says “no sorry you are weak”.  I am 4 weeks out of surgery, home for three. I don’t know what I expected and I have nothing really to judge against.  I feel like I should be fully functioning (not at the gym or carrying heavy items but normal life)…am I wrong?

SO what was the most recent slap you ask?  I have still been sleeping in the bed Frank had moved to the family room with several pillows behind my back (so basically a 45 degree angle roughly) and one on each side under my arms to keep me from attempting to roll over.  I still do not find the steps comfortable so I try to keep them limited.  Frank came home from New York so I went upstairs with him to talk while he unpacked.  I sat on the bed and took the pillows to place under my arms to see how much room I would take on the bed seeing if I could start to sleep back in my own room, bed with my husband.  Since I had put the pillows down to be by my sides there were none behind me so when I went to lay down I dropped like a rock.  I could not hold myself up at all and then to add insult to injury I laid there like a freaking turtle on it’s back and could not get up, stuck and on the verge of tears!  WTF!

I need help…to my blog friends, IS this normal, I mean am I progressing  normally? Am I behind?  Am I crazy?  DO I need to chill out?

I can’t stand this! I mean I knew I would not be ready for the olympic team but I did not think that at the 4 week mark I would still be stuck trying to rise from a simple flat position.

A glimpse of normal Part 2

Alright…three weeks out of surgery and WAY over did it today.  God I am sore.  Stupid really but at the time I just wanted to feel normal…feeling way far from normal right now!  Very Frustrated and hurting!