Tag: mastectomy

New chapters in life

With both of my girls heading to school full-time this year, it has been difficult for me to stay focused.   No surgeries to schedule, no scans or appointment to get to and no child arriving home after just a few hours of school for lunch.  A few weeks ago I finally settled myself into the reality that my babies were growing.  I decided that although I still need to be home for bus stop and homework duty, I needed to spread my wings a bit.  I spent many nights after the rest of the family was in bed thinking about what my day would look like.

I started to think about jobs and what that would look like. I reached out to some old work colleagues for advice.  One stood out, the person said,  “say what you believe and get your family/work boundaries established early”.  As I looked around I saw part-time work that required weekends or night hours.  The only times I have missed putting my girls to bed was when I was in the hospital after the mastectomy.  My girls play soccer as well as many other things and I love being the proud momma on the sidelines win-lose or draw.  Many headaches, much thinking and the words, “get your family/work boundaries established early.”

I turned to what seemed to be the most logical place available, our local school district employment board.  I sent a few applications for things, went for an interview 2 weeks ago and received final word today.  I am now officially a cafeteria/playground assistant at one of the local elementary schools.  I will work a few hours a day but will have off when my girls do, go in after they are well on the way to school and will be home in plenty of time to get them from the bus.  Sounds perfect!

I have not worked outside of my home for 9 years now….I am still amazed as I think about that.  I will admit that I am a bit nervous and excited about the next chapter in our lives. It is a long way from CEO of IBM, (what I always told my mother I wanted to be when I was young) but for a first grader who can’t open that darn water bottle….pretty important :-).

Thank you to all who provided thoughts and advice.  I appreciated it all!

Clouds are clearing the sky is bright

my-cosmic-valentine-a-very-special-dayToday is a very special day for me.  The sun is shinning, the sky is blue and the temperatures are low, the makings of a wonderful day.  I got up early showered and did the normal morning routine.  Next I prepared for yet another doctors appointment this time a follow-up to the endometrial ablation done July 19th.  This may not sound very special but indeed the day truly is.  Why you may ask?

SmileThe appointment went well, things seem to have gone well and all pathology benign thankfully.  Good news for anyone leaving a doctor’s office but for me much more.  See, for the first time in over 2 years I do not have the next surgery plans in the making.  I do not even have a doctor’s appointment scheduled.  I almost feel as if I am forgetting something since I have nothing to schedule or follow-up on. My life and my check book have been consumed for so long and now a breath of fresh air.  Not so fresh for the check book yet as there are still outstanding bills but we are close.

When I say consumed I thought maybe a quick recap was in order:

June 2011 Needle guided ultrasound biopsy leads to full surgical biopsy due to abnormal results.  More abnormal results found leading to the rest of the year spent with oncologists, genetic specialists, mammograms and breast MRI’s until decision finally made.

July 2, 2012 bilateral prophylactic mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction.

August 2012 Breast revision surgery

November 2012 Further reconstruction and revision.  Also in November the ever interesting colonoscopy and the memorable first pelvic ultrasound.

January and March 2013 further pelvic ultrasounds leading to the ablation in July.

Doctors appointments, follow-up appointments, blood work, scans tests and calls. In between it all worry, pain, tears, looks of pity from others and stress on the family. This has been my life for more than two years. I will be honest, today I have felt a little out of sorts.  I can not explain why.  It is almost like the medical issues have “defined” me for much of the recent past.  Maybe I am a bit reserved afraid that if I get too happy about it something bad will happen.  I am sure it will pass…as the reality sets in, doctor free.  I look forward to the future, with nothing planned except maybe a Disney trip!

And a year passes.

Sunday, a year ago today, I was preparing to change my life.  I was to be at the hospital by the crack of dawn Monday morning to prepare for my 12 and 1/2 hour marathon surgery.  A bilateral prophylactic mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction. Over the year I have discussed at length the who, what and why’s.

One year later I look back and am still very surprised and how much this decision changed my life.  Clearly the fact that cancer markers were found and I reacted before cancer, is an obvious reason as to why I would be happy with my decision.  It is the rest that really has made me a happier person.

I enjoy every minute.  I know that sounds ridiculous and of course there are the normal issues during the day that get on my nerves but as to my family I really can not wait for the next thing.  The next wonderful thing that comes out of Madison’s amazingly advanced 6-year-old mouth.  Watching my extremely talented Megan as she raises the bar of what is possible with each god given day.  My wonderful husband who deals with the frustrations of thankless non caring bosses and the daily grind that allows me to still be home with my girls.  I take nothing for granted, I thank god for each day.  That may sound strange to many who are close to me since they know that I am not a very religious person.  Raised Catholic, non practicing for more years than I can count, I can not deny that a higher being in involved in many of the things that have happened in my life even if I do not always buy into the norms of structured religion.

Unlike my mother and so many woman around the world, I was able to avoid  breast cancer.  I remember when the most important thing in my life was the next work ranking report, the next inventory, the next meeting blah blah.  How small that seems now.  Today the most important thing to me in ensuring that I hug my kids daily.  So many people do not understand.  Many never will , other just do not care.

I am no longer defined by what others think….another change that has come over the last year.  Tomorrow we have no set plans.  My girls and I will take the day as it comes.  I am sure that the events of a year ago will be on my mind often this week.  The pain, the struggles, the frustration, the relief that I did not have cancer, the realization that after many years of hate just maybe someone is watching over us.

I guess my mind will be a little full this week. Looks like it will be a great week.