Perseverance, unicorns and just a little pixie dust

Life is messy, and hard and sometimes downright  mean.  I would like to be able to tell my kids that it is filled with unicorns and roses but that would be silly, untrue and would not prepare them for the reality of the future.  I would like to tell them that they can just shut the door until the hard stuff is over but that would just make them victims to the evils that would eventually consume them.  I would like to tell them that they could close their eyes and wish it all away but in my opinion that would ensure them a future of failure.

unicorn-11273No, I tell my girls the truth.  The cold, hard and often ugly truth.  Life is unfair, hard and dirty at times and often it will disappoint you.  With that truth comes the real lesson, a lesson of perseverance that those who keep their heads up, those who work hard, those who strap in for the rough ride will succeed in the end and be the stronger for it!  My girls have lived this lesson from early ages.  I am sure they feel that their lives have been often unfair to this point, Madison being witness to my miscarriage, major health scares for both of their parents and more hospital visits than any child should have to endure.  They have seen their father work non stop only to have his pay cut and eventually be laid off by the same company.   I am fully aware that our lives are a paradise when compared to others.  We all have our struggles, how you deal with them makes us who we are.

I try to teach the girls that when life gets tough to face it and never give up.  I hope that my husband and I have modeled this same lesson for them.  There is often an easier way but it does not make it right.  Never run and never bury your head in the sand. Do not be afraid to try, to  fail, but NEVER stop trying, learn and grow and always keep smiling.

29a8d7a59eec706135ac1eb9fe9e26d1As meaningful as those lesson are, it is also important, more important  to celebrate the wins, the glass is half full side of things.  The fact that my girls are healthy and smart, athletic and kind.  The fact that after a tough search my husband has found a wonderful new job. From time to time, it is nice to live in a world of unicorns and when life is on an upswing you grab on with both hands!  How do you best celebrate the positive turn in events?  With a trip to Disney World of course!  Very soon we will be off to see that amazing Mouse!  For our family Disney is that place where you get to close your eyes and wish it away, that world where fantasy is reality and pixie dust rules the land!  I can not wait….Mickey we will be there soon!

2013 Magic!
2013 Magic!

Normal? maybe I am a wimp.

I am home and sitting for the most part comfortably.  I use the term loosely and for the first time today.  I consider myself to be pretty tough with a high pain threshold.  Child birth, a c-section, multiple surgical biopsies and the massive bilateral prophylactic mastectomy and DIEP flap all added to my ability to handle more than my fair share of pain.

Why do I list this?  Well everyone heading into today gave great feedback on the procedure.  I actually know many people who themselves have had it done and the universal feeling is a wonderful long-term result and most agree that there was minimal pain involved.  As I went into the surgical center today I went in very calm and felt confident about the next few days.  Then an interesting thing happened.  My doctor came in and talked about any pain over the next few days will be nothing more than that of “normal menstrual cramps”.  After the first breast revision surgery last summer, my surgeon at the time talked in a similar way about how pain-free things would be.  I remember the awful throbbing and sever pain.  After calling his office for stronger pain meds I remember him saying that yes it had been a big surgery.

When my doc today sounded the same, I decided to be a bit more proactive and asked if I would be sent home with any pain meds.  She seemed totally taken back and informed me that she did not even have her script pad.  I quickly looked at my husband who went to the internet on his phone to find a phone number to the drug store for something to be called in.  I told her that I would rather have something and not need it than have to hunt her down over the weekend.

This brings us to the point…THANK GOD I DID!  At the hospital they talked about the fact that I have a retroverted uterus and the extremely thick lining which to me was like whatever…what it meant was the most intense cramps I have ever had!  After some Tylenol with codeine and perception Motrin I have finally reached a point of calm.  All I have to say to the doctor is normal cramps my ass and thank-you for bowing to my request for meds!

Dreams can come true, once the pain is gone

And the Disney trip planning is in full swing.  Today marks the 180 day mark until we land in Orlando.  Dinning reservations have started with dinner in Italy at Via Napoli (Epcot’s version of Italy anyway).  Making plans for our Disney trip allows a nice distraction for us all!

I can’t believe 56 days have passed since the bilateral prophylactic mastectomy. All of that time waiting seems like a lifetime ago.  What is very real to me right now is the pain I still feel from the nipple reconstruction on Friday.  I knew the revision was going to be extensive but I just was not fully prepared.

I received a call from my doctor’s office today.  The call came from his assistant who was also the woman who removed the last of the drains. I told her that the pain level was much higher than expected.  In reading the op report she explained that it is for a few reasons.

First, the doctor gathered the skin from around the flap to build the new nipple.  He did need to harvest some skin which he did from the actual flap itself and then gathered everything around it..ouch.  The incisions he made to remove the “air bags” that had grown under my arms goes all the way under my arm.  On top of that, she explained that liposuction is much more painful than people realize and that mine was extensive.  I can see bruises all the way into my back as high as my shoulder and as low as right above my ribs.

I still personally feel that it was a real stretch to do this surgery as an outpatient, not that I wanted to be in the hospital but I wonder if the pain could have been managed better.

Although I am happy to be home, it has been a very rough weekend for my family.  But we are all trying our best.  I downloaded a new jumpstart game for the girls today.  They love those programs.  In a few hours I will be ready for a nap so I will put a movie on in my bedroom and let them lay with me while I sleep.

Positive things:

  • A mix of Oxy and Valium made for a wonderful night sleep last night, best in weeks
  • Making dinning reservations for Disney with the girls allows us to change the subject for just a bit
  • once they finally stop boobs are perky as hell! Been a LONG time since I could say that!

I am sure that like before, each day will be better.  Until tomorrow….