Me, My Family

It’s all in a Bra

As a pre teen many young girls with visions of the perfect cleavage will take matters into their own hands and add to the bounty that nature provides or in some cases fails to provide.  My own young girls talk often of the day they will have boobs.  Let’s be honest, in the view of society, they are the “visual” things that makes a woman.  MIllions spent each year on the perfect bra, marketing telling every woman that is what makes you “sexy”.

For well over a year after the mastectomy and DIEP surgery, once I could finally wear a bra, I was limited to one that was padded.  Even after a year of healing, scars can still cause a good amount of discomfort.  As I would look in the mirror I felt like some teenager who was trying to increase what nature had provided.  The difference here as we all know is that what nature provided to me had plans to attack.  What I have instead is created by amazing plastic surgeons.

A few weeks ago I decided it was time.  The perfect bra, no lining, no padding. For the first time in almost a year and a half I can look in the mirror and see only me. I am comfortable in my own skin.  I am happy with the reflection in the mirror, other than the few pounds I could stand to lose 🙂 but hey who doesn’t right?

Everyday since July 2, 2012 there has been a “new” something.  Since that date I have achieved many milestones.  I remember first being able to finally sit up without assistance, and the first time walking around the block with the girls.  There was lots of pain, many tears and worlds of relief knowing I made the right decision.  This milestone may not seem like much to many but to me, it is about comfort and confidence and therefore huge.  And shopping in VIctoria’s Secret again in pretty cool also 🙂

Me, Post-Op Bilateral Prophylactic Mastectomy

I have never reblogged someone else’s thoughts before but I fully share my friends outrage here! I wonder if the New York Times article author watched her mother die a long and at times very painful death. I wonder if she ever had to stare into the eyes of her children as she was told she had at minimum a 50/50 chance of developing breast cancer, a disease that has no cure nor is one close to being found after millions and millions spent.

My story is different from my friend at “Beatingcowdens” but when it comes to the prophylactic mastectomy we are sisters.

I wish I could have the last two years of my life back. I wish that I did not have to surgically alter my body. I wish there was no such things as breast cancer. I wish those who would like to speak out in judgement would do their jobs and maybe the rest of us could maybe have our wishes come true but since none of these things can or will happen I want to be clear, I have NO regrets in the decisions I made. Those decisions were not taken lightly and the pathology proved with great certainty that I WOULD have developed breast cancer.

I finish with the same line as my friend, “Don’t talk about my boobs until you have walked in my shoes!”

 

beatingcowdens

“Breast cancer becomes very emotional for people, and they view a breast differently than an arm or a required body part that you use every day,” said Sarah T. Hawley, an associate professor of internal medicine at the University of Michigan. “Women feel like it’s a body part over which they totally have a choice, and they say, ‘I want to put this behind me — I don’t want to worry about it anymore.’ ”

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/21/facing-cancer-a-stark-choice/

The quote above is the last paragraph from a New York Times article published January 21st.  I first read about it here in this blog

Preventative mastectomies under fire

And I must agree with “The Pink Underbelly” as my blood is boiling a bit.

I underwent a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy on March 5, 2012.  I had been diagnosed with Cowden’s Syndrome, alongside my 8 year old daughter, just months before.  I was presented, in January…

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Me

More waiting

533629_395555573861729_660755664_nSo for as much as I was hoping to leave the medical headaches of the last year in the last year, I had to go for the followup pelvic ultrasound today.  A million and one people have told me not to worry about it and for the most part of have been able to put it out of my head but those million and one people did not just finish recovering from a bilateral prophylactic mastectomy.  I hate that today is Friday since I will have to wait through the weekend to hear anything.  I would like to believe those million and one people but what has me going today was the length of the ultrasound itself.  This one was more than twice as long as the first.  Now, I understand that sometimes things can not be seen as well and there are many factors including the tech doing it but none of these things can negate the fact that after the last year I am on edge and very much sick of it all!

Now we wait.