Just a little somber this week

The joy of reading.  My mother always tried to instill it in me with very little luck.  Thankfully, my daughter has it in her blood.  As I just sat down to the laptop to begin a post about my upcoming surgery, she came from her bedroom where she has been reading for about an hour.  She just needed to fill me in on what was happening in her book.  She is reading the first book of the Sisters Grimm series and is loving it.  I just love to watch her as she describes what she is reading.  The joy on her face, the light in her eyes.  She is able to visit a world of imagination through reading that I have never been able to find.  I think we will need to make sure we hit the library again before the weekend. 🙂

So, Friday is my surgery.  The official name of my procedure is hysteroscopy and endometrial ablation.  The procedure itself it not really a concern to me.  Based on what I went through last summer with the BPM, the pain, the recovery time, this should be easy enough.  See after the ablation it will be permanent, no more children.  Now, I was not really planning to have anymore, I am 41 years old and have two beautiful, smart and busy children.  I thank God for them every day!  Since my miscarriage a few years ago I have always thought about 1 more Bailey.  I love being mommy.  I feel like my girls have grown from infant to elementary school over night.

I am thrilled with my family.  I was not looking to change it or add to it but having that decision now made final, I guess it just it has made me just a little sad.  It will pass.  I will hug my girls and my husband just a little harder and maybe a little longer this week.  Next week the girls have karate camp and soccer practice is right around the corner.  The things that will fully remind me that I am doing what I am supposed to be already.

For the rest of this week, I will allow myself to sulk just a little.

Summer only comes once a year.

For the better part of last summer, my girls were stuck in the house mostly keeping an eye on me.  After my surgery I was not very mobile for many weeks and was not able to drive for a few more than that.  We watched a lot of movies (mostly they watched and I slept), and they spent a good amount of time on the computer.  Frank did his best running them around after he got home from work but the reality is that they spent much of their time sitting around.

Day one of soccer camp
Day one of soccer camp

This summer I wanted to make sure that was not the case!  I have tried to both Image 1Image 2schedule events that keep them active and challenge them as well as allow them time to “relax” and enjoy the summer.  Several camps for both girls mixed with pool time, visits to the library and of course a little summer homework to keep little minds fresh.

This week the girls are at the park for soccer camp.  This has been good for all of us.  I drop them with the coach and then use the opportunity to walk the park.  It is a nice change of scenery.  I managed 2 miles today in all of our heat and humidity.

It has been a nice start to the summer!  I am enjoying the time with the girls.   I do have surgery next Friday but I do not expect to skip a beat.  I figure I will be back to normal in a day or two. We have too much to do and too little time!  Time sure does fly when you are having fun!

And a year passes.

Sunday, a year ago today, I was preparing to change my life.  I was to be at the hospital by the crack of dawn Monday morning to prepare for my 12 and 1/2 hour marathon surgery.  A bilateral prophylactic mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction. Over the year I have discussed at length the who, what and why’s.

One year later I look back and am still very surprised and how much this decision changed my life.  Clearly the fact that cancer markers were found and I reacted before cancer, is an obvious reason as to why I would be happy with my decision.  It is the rest that really has made me a happier person.

I enjoy every minute.  I know that sounds ridiculous and of course there are the normal issues during the day that get on my nerves but as to my family I really can not wait for the next thing.  The next wonderful thing that comes out of Madison’s amazingly advanced 6-year-old mouth.  Watching my extremely talented Megan as she raises the bar of what is possible with each god given day.  My wonderful husband who deals with the frustrations of thankless non caring bosses and the daily grind that allows me to still be home with my girls.  I take nothing for granted, I thank god for each day.  That may sound strange to many who are close to me since they know that I am not a very religious person.  Raised Catholic, non practicing for more years than I can count, I can not deny that a higher being in involved in many of the things that have happened in my life even if I do not always buy into the norms of structured religion.

Unlike my mother and so many woman around the world, I was able to avoid  breast cancer.  I remember when the most important thing in my life was the next work ranking report, the next inventory, the next meeting blah blah.  How small that seems now.  Today the most important thing to me in ensuring that I hug my kids daily.  So many people do not understand.  Many never will , other just do not care.

I am no longer defined by what others think….another change that has come over the last year.  Tomorrow we have no set plans.  My girls and I will take the day as it comes.  I am sure that the events of a year ago will be on my mind often this week.  The pain, the struggles, the frustration, the relief that I did not have cancer, the realization that after many years of hate just maybe someone is watching over us.

I guess my mind will be a little full this week. Looks like it will be a great week.