Skip to the Lou, ouch!

White-daisy-blue-sky-bright-colors-20523941-1280-1024Yesterday morning started like many others in our house, wake the girl, get them ready for school and out the door to the bus stop.  With the nice weather and bright blue sky the kids were all hyper running around until he bus arrived.  As the bus pulls up the kids grab their bags, get the morning hugs and kiss and off they go.

Madison and I began to walk back to our house when she looks at me and says ever so innocently, “let’s skip”.  What a fun idea, the sky was blue, air warm and my beautiful baby wants to skip home.

Kind of how I felt straining a calf muscle skipping.
Kind of how I felt straining a calf muscle skipping.

I made it the length of about a house when a pain shot through my left calf.  I let out a small “ouch” and stopped.  It was then that my six-year-old looked at me with those caring, loving eyes and laughed.

Nasty kid! 🙂

In my head I can visualize myself doing many things.  And then reality sets in.  Getting old is a real B…….., well let’s just say I am not enjoying it very much!

My Life

Recently I have been debating what the next chapter of my life will hold.  My little one will be in first grade full-time starting in September.  I have had people ask if I was going to get a real job.  It had started to bring me down a bit.

I love standing at the bus stop waving to the girls as they head off to school. I love having the opportunity to give a hug and kiss as they step onto the bus.  I look forward to the stories as soon as they get off the bus after a busy day of learning.  I am the one to sit with my girls while they do homework and I am the one to answer the questions that arise from that homework.

We of course could be better off financially if I went back to work,  that is assuming I could even find a job.   I love my life, my husband and my girls.  I am sick and tired of feeling like I need to apologize for wanting to take care of my family.  I do the laundry, I clean our home.  I am the taxi service for karate, CCD and soccer.  I handle all medical and dental appointments. I ensure that my ever-growing girls have clothes that fit and food on the table.

I want to be present. I remember track meets with my friends parents wishing I could see my mother rooting for me.  I remember wishing just once.

My job keeps me pretty busy, and I love every minute of it! I will apologize to no one for wanting to continue to do it.

Closure

While other celebrated Independence day last year, I laid perfectly still in a hospital bed,  IV’s and monitors attached everywhere.  Glass walls ensuring not a second of privacy. Less than 48 hours removed from a bilateral prophylactic mastectomy and DIEP flap surgery,  I laid in the ICU with crazy beeping machines and alarms because my heart rate continually dropped too low due to excessive (yet needed) pain medications.

I did not yet realize the struggles I was about to face in recovery.  I was not aware that my husband had moved a bed into the family room for me.  I did not think about how many additional surgeries would follow.  At the time I lived 10 minutes at a time. That is how long it took before the little green light on my hand-held pain button would light up communicating I could once again push for a dose of Dilaudid.

Tomorrow I see my surgeon and will be released from his care.  A final ending to this extremely long chapter in my life.  It has been a life changing set of months.  It has made me a better mother and wife.  It has helped me put things into better perspective as to what is really important in life, my family.

I am both lucky and truly blessed.