Tag: Breast

My beautiful Butterflies

So bear with me on this for a moment. Anyone with young kids who watch either Nickelodeon or The Disney channels, have probably seen the commercials for The Live Butterfly garden.  After continual requests, I broke down and bought one.  They send you the kit but then you must have the live caterpillars sent to you.  They arrive in a container with enough food to feed them until they head into the chrysalis.  You move them to the little cage and wait for them to emerge as butterflies.  We checked them daily in the cup and were amazed at how much those little caterpillars could eat.  We were all very happy yesterday (proud new parents) to 4 new adult butterflies.  We will set them free in a few days but the girls are enjoying feeding them and watching for now. It was a fun little project to do with the girls.

Why do I spend so much time on our summer science project?  Because as I have watched this change happen over the last few days,  this morning it overwhelmingly hit me that for me these butterflies represent my baby girls.

I was so worried prior to my surgery about my family especially my young girls.  Megan 7 going on eight in just a week and Madison 5.  Those who have read my early posts, know the agony I had both in waiting for the surgery and the pure worry for my girls.  How would they handle me not being home?  How would my husband handle being alone with them for a week?  How would we manage once I came home?

My first night in the ICU my girls came to see me at the hospital.  They were not going to let them in.  A social worker came to talk to me to let me know they were there but she felt they were too young. I told her that we had talked at length before my entering the hospital and that if they were there I would like them allowed in.  She met with them and allowed them to visit.  Even with  all of those monitors beeping, wires attached to me and scary big machines surrounding me, my big girls came in calmly and held my hand. They stayed just a few minutes.  The next few days brought more visits and when I made it to a regular room  they helped me walk the hallway.

Since coming home I have watched as my once coddled babies are blossoming….as a team they collect the laundry and run the washer.  They loaded their own dishes into the dishwasher and would start it.  Megan runs the vacuum while Madison dusts.  And at shower time, Madison who was still getting baths takes a shower herself with her big sister helping to wash her hair.

They did not blink an eye at my incisions and on a daily basis tell me how good I look and how well I am doing.  They help me do my exercising even cheering me on as if it was an olympic event.

Today I went for my blood work for the next procedure.  They went with me.  I told them to get dressed..next thing I know they are coming downstairs in skirts.  They said it was a big outing for us and they should look the part.  How awesome are they?

All of my worry has instead turned into a growing experience for my family.

Tired and a little sore..but good!

SO I did the first round of exercises that I found on Livestrong.com last night.  I was very careful…did only a handful of each (3-5).  There were 5 exercises attempted.  One of the funnier things happened at the start..getting to the ground in the first place.  I stood there for a second remembering my falling flat into bed experience from just a few days ago and decided my plan of attack.  My girls were by my side to “help” but I thought I would squash them if something were to go wrong so I told them to stand clear.  I was very proud of myself..got to my knees, turned carefully to my bottom then basically to my side to lay flat on my back.  Once down I thought “well that’s enough for today :-)”.  But I pushed on.  It is something when you realize lifting a stick over your head or just stretching your elbows to the floor would be difficult.  The girls cheered me on and I felt great afterward to finally feel like we were moving forward!

Getting up from the floor was another thing all together.  Since I have no core strength I am basically stuck on my back.  When I was finished Madison says “I will call daddy”.  NO! I can do this! So when Frank placed the bed into the family room, he tied these workout straps to the frame thinking that they would help me get in and out.  They never worked..they had too much give.  As I laid there stuck on my family room floor, I remembered the straps…”Madison, hand mommy the green cord..please” .  It was something of pure heroic maneuvering (alright maybe not but I was dam proud of myself!) I was able to pull myself to my side and closer to the end of the bed which I could then use to get up..I was on my feet!  The girls ran and told their father as if what they had just witnessed was something of pure fairy tale…I think they are proud of me :-).

The tired (I assume) comes from my medicine changes.  I have been working to get away from the Oxy for several days but was still taking one an hour or so before bed.  Last night I went with a vicodine after my “workout” but went to be pretty clear..and laid there, tossed, turned.  Then I had a pain (which I have had on the left side between my breasts).  I pointed it out to the doctor who says it is normal is the connection point for the flap and not to push on it.  First response was to grab a pill.  Instead I took a motrin and put an ice pack on my chest.  Eventually I dozed  for a little while but running on just a few hours.  I know it will work itself out and is part of the process.

On the agenda today, more exercise and maybe, just maybe our first venture out in the car.  We will see how the day unfolds.

Vicodine, therapy and the light at the end of the tunnel

So I had my doctor’s appointment today and it went well!  Here are the updates:

-Got a new script for vicodine which is half the strength of the oxy I had..which I had not been taking much anymore. They will be used sparringly just to take the edge off.

-I will be getting a call from Dr. Liu’s scheduler in the next few days to set up phase 2..Nip reconstruction to happen mid-August if all goes well with schedules.

-I have been cleared to drive AS LONG as I have not taken the vicodine from the first point

– We fully agree that the boobs are healing totally differently from each other and that they are totally different sizes. We have agreed that they are also still larger than I would like so all will be corrected during the next procedure.  He will actually make an incision on the sides removing what I have term the “air bags” that have grown under my arms and will liposuction anywhere else to even out.  (I envision more pain coming but at least the light at the end of this very long journey)

-He feels that most of my pain comes from scarring and has written me a script for Physical therapy if I want it..which I do not.  I have not been doing much since I thought I was not supposed to..now that I have been told to start SLOWLY I am ready.  Found a nice list of Occupational Therapy exercises for post mastectomy on Livestong .com and will do it myself.  I could give many excuses why I don’t want to do the therapy from my motion is improving greatly, the co-pay, 3 times a week for 8 weeks, two little kids with no one to watch them or the simple I am sick of doctors offices and I DON”T WANT TO!

-We are both very pleased at how the abdominal incision is healing.  He says to start using mederma  cream on it.

On the way home I laughed with my husband how numb you become to the process of these appointments.  My first appointment with a breast surgeon was 1994..I was 23.  At that time I was horrified at this man not just looking at the girls but touching them.  Almost 18 year later and 2 kids I sat there today topless doctor in his wheely chair between my legs squeezing the boobs as he developed his next plan of attack.  Not only am no longer  phased but we had an entire conversation as I pocked this one while he squeezed that one.  We need to get these babies right!  Amazing how things change over time  not sure if that is a good thing or bad one..guess it just is.

I am going to go and try my new exercises….anything would be good right!