It is 11am and I am fully ready for this day to end! Never good right? I finally talked to the doctor and wish I never had. I can not say that I am in the least bit surprised but the ultrasound was all bad news. Not only was there no improvement the news has grown darker. To start with my ovarian complex cyst on the left is still there and now has a buddy on the right. The doctor still does not feel that this is a huge concern but is ordering a CA125 which seems to be blood work to help detect ovarian cancer. Hopefully the blood work shows no issue and we will be left with repeating the ultrasound yet again in a few months.
So, it could end there but hell why would it? Seems that this ultrasound also picked up two cysts just chilling out on the lining of my uterus. She also feels these are probably nothing to worry about but put it all together add in the recent prophylactic mastectomy and cancer markers then use the word “probably” and my nerves are shot. I guess a few drinks before the bus stop is not advisable.
Thankfully they have gotten me in next Thursday for a biopsy and I will get the blood work as soon as I receive the script.
I wrote a post the other day called What do you want? As I have thought about the answer to that question all it has done is make me ask myself more questions. I guess a little introspection is good from time to time. A long look in the mirror to cleanse the soul.
So, in deciding “what I want”, I started to think about who I am and what I have been through over the last year and a half or so. I scanned through some old posts here and came across one backin April 2012 where I took a shot at a basic introduction. The only thing I would tend to add or change is that I no longer live in fear of developing breast cancer. Instead I am very lucky! I am lucky and thankful that I had the strength to make the decision to have a prophylactic mastectomy. Those who have been peeking in for a while now know what a great decision that was since cancer markers were found in the biopsy. It was only a matter of time.
I started this blog almost a year ago for myself to clear my thoughts as the process toward the BPM began. Over time I meet some strong and wonderful woman. Some of these woman are battling cancer, others like myself trying to jump out in front but all became inspiration to me in some way. As the surgeries began, this blog became an avenue to vent, whine and express myself. It did not matter if anyone actually read but it was nice to know that some did and maybe my experience helped someone the way I was helped.I continue writing now because although I have grown so much personally through this experience, I still do not open up well personally. This continues to be a great outlet for me.
SO I will continue to type away, rambling about my children, my family and sometimes plain old daily minutia. I am continuing to work toward the answer of what I want and while doing so will thank god for what I have. A beautiful family, my health and a future that is wide open. Not too bad I guess!
With the end of the year approaching, everywhere you turn you see recaps. I did a medical recap not too long ago and quit honestly am not too interested in reliving this year. Instead I am looking fully forward to what I hope will be a better year.
Making a statement like that always makes me pause for a second because of how close I was to cancer (according to the pathology reports). I had the bilateral prophylactic mastectomy to prevent cancer since I was high risk but until we received those results showing cancer markers, well we had no clue just how close I was. So, with that said the end results made 2012 a good year I suppose and I guess I should recognize that good.
The hope for 2013, well they are filled with no surgery, no medical scares and good times with my family. I do need to get through the follow-up Ultrasound next week to check on the complex cyst. Hopefully that shows that it took care of itself and onward we will move.
One super bright spot that we have all been looking forward to for some time is our trip to Disney World! We are in the home stretch and can begin an official countdown in the next week or so. My girls do love official countdowns :-). We are all really looking forward to this trip! We are staying at The Animal Kingdom Villas-Kidani, right over the Savannah. How thrilled with the girls be seeing the animals come close to the balcony.
Since we are staying in Disney we also did the meal package. It is nice going and knowing that almost everything is prepaid. We will be dinning with the Princesses, Mickey and crew, Chip and Dale and at the new Be Our Guest Restaurant. Planning this trip, making the dinning reservations were a nice distraction while I was recovering from surgery. Finally coming close to the actual experience knowing how much we are all looking forward to it, well what can I say that Disney does not? It is the happiest place on earth!