Me, My Family

Striking the perfect balance, hopefully at least sometimes!?

When I was younger I swore I would never have children.  They were dirty, needy and would just get in the way.  I had visions of being the CEO of IBM.  As with most of us, the visions of a young person grow and change as we do.

Newborn Megan 8/11/2004
Newborn Megan 8/11/2004

I did well in my career but something was missing. I remember when I held my Megan for the first time, her wide open bright eyes looking up at me, I swear she actually waved.  That was it. That was all I needed to know that there was no job in the world that could ever be as fulfilling as staying with my baby.  I have been fortunate enough to be a part of every aspect of my girls development.  Financially it has not always been easy but it has been the most rewarding job ever!

Being a Mother has been an adventure, figuring it out day by day.  Frank and I don’t have any parental guidance and I never had the perfect role model.  My relationship with my mother was not perfect, whose is?  At the time it was all I knew.  Some will say she was a difficult person and I would agree.  She was a functioning alcoholic and in those days this was acceptable.  She had a temper and was not what anyone would call “warm and fuzzy”.  There were not many hugs or “I love you’s” in our house.   With that said, she raised three children alone, kept a nice home for us against all odds and ensured that we had the best education possible to enable all three of us to improve our own lives.  I am blessed to have had such a strong woman as a mother.

IMGAs I raise my own children I struggle to find the right balance.  Many of their friends are handed everything with no understanding of the value attached to the items.  Too many parents would rather be a friend than parent.  I never want to have the heavy hand I was raised with yet I want to ensure there is structure and discipline, but discipline filled with love.  Yes there is such a thing.  The ability to say “no” to your children, to realize that they may get mad at you and life will go on.

Being a parent is not always easy, as a matter of fact uneasy is how I feel much of the time.  So many firsts in life that need to be explained.  Hurt feelings, confusion and the unknown are all a part of everyday life and I love it!  Each day is an adventure and I look forward to  every one of them!

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Pre-op Bilateral Prophylactic Mastectomy

Mommy and Madi day

What a great day!    The township does a nice job getting the kids prepared for Kindergarten.  Upon enrolling students you sign up for a bus trip which they run for almost two weeks in May.  You get to ride the bus with your child to school to help ease them into it.

After getting Megan onto the bus for school, Madison and I headed off to the park for our tour.  I was not thrilled with the pouring rain outside thinking that we would have to stand in the park after checking in to wait for the bus.  I was very pleased when we tuned the corner into the lot and saw the bus there waiting for us…YEAH!  As soon as Madi saw it she started yelling at me that we needed to hurry or we would miss it. (mind you we were 15 minutes early)  We boarded and our adventure was underway.

The actual ride to the school is only maybe 5 minutes but to the kids it is like a magic bus heading to an entire new world.  I do not have great memories of school from my youth.  Was not a great student early on..lets just say I had some issues.  I have two little girls who just love school so I do everything I can to keep this going!  We arrived and interestingly the rain stopped long enough for us to get into the buildings..then the skies opened. We met with the special teachers (art,library,music and gym) and they all did a 5 min presentation/interaction with the kids. All very nice.

Then we toured the buildings.  We ran into Megan’s old teacher who made a big production over meeting Madison..who just loves attention!  Madi thought she was the coolest thing that they already knew her in this school.  Heading back to the bus Madison confidently stated “I can’t wait to come, I am going to like it here”.

Oh..and no I did not cry!

I wish I could get through a day without thoughts of the pending mastectomy.  As we sat with the teachers of course the kids were a bit nervous and quiet.  The librarian was having them imagine happy things; running in the park, sitting in the sun on the beach and fireworks on the 4th of July.  I thought about my 4th of July..I will be 2 days post op lying in the hospital and hoping for no fireworks! Thankfully I was able to shake it off for the most park and took my baby to the mall for lunch and shoe shopping.

All in all another great day!

Today I am grateful for:

  • not being rained on waiting for a bus
  • A great day with my youngest
  • the twinkle in her little eyes as she imagines the future
  • hearing “I love you mommy as I put them to bed”

Not a bad list!