7 hours away

So this will be my last post for a few days.  Frank says he will bring my laptop to the hospital if I want so we will see how that goes.  I should probably be sleeping since I have to be there so early but I feel like I need to stay up and drink another glass of water.  Amazing how thirsty you become when told you can’t have anything after midnight..nothing..nada!  Not even a tic tac.  Just the thought makes my mouth dry :-).

I do need to vent for a second…went to a sports store yesterday and a young boy behind the counter had on like 10 of those stupid rubber bracelets.  Every cause you could think of including a pink one for breast cancer awareness and a “save the boobies” one.  So, with all of the different causes on his young wrist, do I feel that he is a true supporter of these causes or are the bracelets cool?  Especially the save the boobies one..which I hope I do not offend anyone, but I find that one annoying and almost offensive.  I say F— the boobies save a life.  The boobies can be replaced.

Maybe I am a little cranky…still pretty calm though!  7 hours away…

Just another day

Every year on the fourth of July, the family watches the movie 1776.  Since I will be in the hospital this year today was the 4th for us.  We had burgers and dogs on the grill, fresh corn on the cob from Duffield’s farmers market and watched the movie.  I think it is important to take time to remind ourselves while teaching our children how it all began.  Since we live in New Jersey, it is only a 20 minute ride across the bridge to Philadelphia.  We have taken several trips to visit the Liberty Bell, Independence Hall and recently Betsy Ross’s house.  Funny, growing up I hated history..and it was my worst subject in school.  Now I love it and try to make it fun for the kids.  I find it sad when you see how many can’t even name the Vice President or three branches of government etc.

Anyway, today the girls both moved up a belt in karate.  I am proud or my little butt kickers!

We are about there.  Tomorrow is the last day before the big surgery.  We are going to take the girls to see Brave in the morning.  They seem a bit nervous continually asking how long I will be gone and exactly when I am leaving.  I hate that I can’t answer how long I will be away…somewhere between 4-7 days they say.  I am worried that they are going to have a rough day Monday when I finally don’t come home.  I have tried to be as open with them as possible.  I remain very calm about the surgery but can not stop worrying about the girls. I guess that is what Mom’s do right?

I added a bit of a retro pic of the girls…although they are growing  so fast this is still how I see them. My babies..I love you both so much!

It will be good for all of us for Monday to just get here already!

5 am

I am to arrive at Cooper Hospital by 5am Monday..boy that is early!  I am pleasantly surprised so far at the entire process.  Today I received a call from anesthesia to run through some history as well as the do’s and don’t before surgery.  Very friendly woman who showed sincere concern.  Later I spoke with scheduling who was also very friendly and organized.  I have to say that this has been the norm with everyone I have dealt with from both the hospital and insurance company.  I hope it stays that way!

I need to do some work in the veggie garden.  Need to stake some things up, do some weeding. We harvested the most awesome tomato today.  It is the biggest one we have ever grown! Can’t wait to slice into it!

 

 

So the clock keep spinning forward.  Tomorrow after the girls karate belt graduation, I have a hair appointment.  Need to look my best before I can accept looking my worst :-).

I am grateful that the wait is almost over!

3 days…and a thank you

Tomorrow is 3 days until surgery.. now we are close!  Three days…there are still a few areas to be cleaned, a little shopping to do and both girls will be moving up a karate belt on Saturday.  Other than that just some quiet time with my family.

Thank you to all of you who have sent me positive thoughts!  Whether it is friends who have called or come by, e-mailed or texted or the new friends I have found through this blog!  I never expected the support I would receive from people when I started this..to all Thank you!

Check

Today was a busy day!  The girls had karate followed by lunch out, errand shopping dinner at the mall and some more shopping.  I continue to try to make things easy for the family.  We have paper towels and toilet paper stacked to the ceiling, enough tissues to last through next allergy season , ketchup (a major staple in my household) to supply a small diner, enough dog food for an entire kennel and if one was so inclined the floors are clean enough to eat off of.

I exaggerate of course.  I don’t know if it is a way of me passing the time.  Maybe I have no fear/worry about the actual surgery because I have a god complex that they can’t survive without me. I don’t give myself time to worry since I have to get things ready for them. Who knows and quite honestly who cares.  It works for all involved.  I want Frank to be able to focus on the girls, it keeps me busy and I am sure things have been taken care of properly.

I just finished the “lists”.  Phone numbers of friends and another for medication.  Both girls have allergy and or sinus issues.  I am a stay at home mom…these things are in my head and handled by me daily as routine  habit. Sitting trying to put it in nice little checklists it not easy lol!

Tomorrow marks 5 days til surgery!

Worry

SO as the time draws closer, my thoughts have been increasingly drifting to my daughters.  Not the same worries about them dealing with me.  These concerns are bigger and more concerning to me.  See I am high risk due to my mothers cancer and my own pathology.  I was never tested for the BRCA gene since it really did not matter to my own risk factor. A positive test maybe would have put me closer to 80% or so… 50-50 was enough for me.

I am half of the plot for my girls.  I honestly do not remember if I ever mentioned that I never met my mother in law.  She passed when my husband was in College.  She also had breast cancer.  So I place myself back in the office and my meeting with the Genetic Counselor but the patients are now my own babies. Two grandmothers with breast cancer, one diagnosed under age 50.  Mother…hmmm, how do I fit? No actual cancer but abnormal cells…. Mental note to make sure the girls have a very clear understanding of exactly why I am having this surgery.

I guess the best thing to do right now is get through the surgery.  During my followup visits I think I will have to run my concern by some folks.

I will do whatever is needed.