Tag: motherhood

Way way back……

Today is a big day for my youngest.  The day she gets to board a bus to head to her “home school” for a visit.  Our district is very large.  We have a building designated just for Kindergarten.  From there the kids branch off into one of 5 elementary schools.

Today the kids all arrive to school like normal and then board buses for a visit to their  assigned elementary.  They will tour the school, meet some teachers and eat snack in the cafeteria.  It is a great program allowing the kids to ease into the next step of their education.  Madison has been talking about this day for weeks!

After a long weekend she was very sleepy this morning and did not want to get out of bed.  I reminded her what today was and up she leaped.  She had a little extra pep in her step.  As she boarded her bus I was left a little sad.  My baby is just a few months away from starting first grade.  She is no longer a baby.

A happy little girls preparing for a big day!
A happy little girls preparing for a big day!

One thing I found very funny was the conversation I overheard as the girls were eating breakfast.  Megan, who is in third grade, went on this very same tour a few years ago.  As the big sister I guess she was attempting to help the little one’s nerves.  It started with the line, “Way way back when I visited….”.

I did not say a word but it made me laugh.  Way way back 3 years ago.  Things move so fast in life now.  I sometimes long to return to a day when 3 years could be referred to as way way back instead of the blink of an eye that it is now.

I can not wait until she gets home…I can only hope it went as well as she envisioned! My big girl!

When your children cry

So Madi tried out for the travel soccer team.  She is young so we tried to prepare her that she may not make it. She did great at the try outs fast, alert and on the ball.  There were not too many girl so we fully expected her to make a team.  Technically she was better than many of the girls who were there.

The announcements are made on-line, delayed several times by well over a week making the waiting a real headache.They finally posted Saturday night.  She did not make the team along with 3 other girls.  I had to tell her the news.  She was so upset.  We had tears for a few minutes, we laid on her bed and I held onto her.  There was nothing I could do but hug her tight.  Mommy could not fix this one, for as much as I try sometimes the reality sets in that I am not a super hero. :-(.

Yesterday we were having some friends over for a BBQ.  As I was running around getting things ready she asked for a special request.  Could I read her our “special” book.  We have had a book since they were babies that I love to read to them and they have always loved to hear.  I still read it each year the night before the first day of school.  Of course I could stop what I was doing so Madison and I settled in on the sofa  The title of the book is “Oh My Baby, Little One”.  images

Although I was not sending her off to school for the first time, I guess since we have made this book such an important part of our lives it helped her process.

“But still this love is with you, like the leaves are with the trees,                                               like the sand is with the sandbox, like the kite is with the breeze.”

It was not to long after that our friends arrived and the kids were happily splashing around in a rather cold pool.  The weather was not what we would have hoped for to kick off pool season but for the young it is never to chilly to swim.  The disappointment of the soccer team was gone in its place a young girl with not a care in the world, as it should be!

And all was right with the world!
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Jolie, the day after

I follow many blogs written by woman who either have breast cancer, are BRCA positive or have had a prophylactic mastectomy.  Yesterday after reviewing several of those blogs most covered Angelina Jolie in some way of another.  What struck me as very interesting is the wide range of opinions on her story.  Most women like myself who underwent BPM surgery commend Jolie for using her platform if for nothing else to get the conversation about breast cancer risks flowing.

I was very interested in some that took great offense in how for lack of a better word , simplistic Jolie made the event seem.  In her article she makes a statement, “but days after surgery you can be back to a normal life”.  Now, I had a different surgery since my reconstruction was done by DIEP flap surgery cutting my entire abdomen.  This required many different steps be taken including not being able to move a muscle in the hospital for 48 hours and having someone checking for a pulse in my new breasts every hour which was fun for all. (not!)

When I got home I was no where close to back to a normal life.  Honestly there was a great deal of pain, many tears and for many weeks the belief that there would never be such a thing as “normal”.  I remember weeks after the surgery attempting to walk around the block with the girls and feeling like I would not make it home.  I remember being unable to get in and out of my own bed. I could not lift my arms, bend over or lift anything for what seemed like a lifetime.  I could not shower for well over a month because of the drains which left such large scars that shaving was an issue for months.  I could go on and on but the point is the same, it was less than a normal life for a very long time!

Normal.  I guess it is all in how we define the word.  I will be reminded for the rest of my life every time I take a shower.  60+ stitches left a more than noticeable scar across my abdomen.  I had wonderful surgeons whom I would recommend to anyone. Angelina describes her “small scar”, I am sure she had the best medical care that money could buy and she probably had a better outcome from it than many.  I do not fault her for that at all.  All I do is say that I will agree with those who fell she does paint a much rosier picture than what I found to be my reality.

One thing that was normal for me was the fear that after multiple years of biopsies that the next one would be the one to show cancer.  That the next mammogram would be the one.

With that said, the many of use who have shared our stories could never reach the audience that she has with her name recognition.  As I stated yesterday in my post, if her experience results in women being tested, educated and empowered well God bless her for sharing simplistic story and all!  Maybe it will cause women to take to the internet to read more realistic stories of the process. Causing women to act is the important thing.  Get your mammograms, question your history, talk to your doctor.

I thank god everyday that I had the strength to make such a decision.  I too now only have a 5% risk of developing breast cancer.  Even with the worst of the memories running through my head about the surgery and recovery, I would do it again tomorrow.  I look forward to many healthy years with my family!