12 days until the next surgery

“Suddenly, through birthing a daughter, a woman finds herself face to face not only with an infant, a little girl, a woman-to-be, but also with her own unresolved conflicts from the past and her hopes and dreams for the future…. As though experiencing an earthquake, mothers of daughters may find their lives shifted, their deep feelings unearthed, the balance struck in all relationships once again off kilter.” ~Elizabeth Debold

Sitting with my coffee this morning fishing around the internet as I often do I came across the quote above. As I believe I have mentioned before, I am not an avid reader…I browse but when I hit this one I re-read it several times. Interesting!

I am now the proud parent of an 8 year old little girl. The birthday went well. Although the weather did not cooperate for a pool party, Meg had a good time playing with her cousins inside. It is always nice to see family.

Now we are back to focusing on what needs to be finished before surgery. Time is ticking, we are right around the corner! I am ready and anxious to get the reconstruction completed! Time to get the “pointy parts” back!

The greatness that can be

If anyone has been staying up late to watch the olympics at night they have seen the gymnastics. What I have really enjoyed is watching Ally Reisman’s parents, especially her father. These two people look like they are in pure agony as their daughter performs. And they have seen some big ups and downs. You have seen tears in her fathers eyes but also the overwhelming pride that only a parent can feel when their baby has done something great.

My kids are still young so I can only imagine, you see them growing, watch the connections being made and conceptualize the greatness that can be, someday. I do everything I can to provide the tools, support, assistance and shoulder to cry on ,and hope and pray that the decisions I make are the right ones. (I also hope that down the road they do not end up on some couch saying it all starts with my mother..)

Only time will tell of course.

Went to the farmers market again today…fed the animals while we were there.

My beautiful Butterflies

So bear with me on this for a moment. Anyone with young kids who watch either Nickelodeon or The Disney channels, have probably seen the commercials for The Live Butterfly garden. After continual requests, I broke down and bought one. They send you the kit but then you must have the live caterpillars sent to you. They arrive in a container with enough food to feed them until they head into the chrysalis. You move them to the little cage and wait for them to emerge as butterflies. We checked them daily in the cup and were amazed at how much those little caterpillars could eat. We were all very happy yesterday (proud new parents) to 4 new adult butterflies. We will set them free in a few days but the girls are enjoying feeding them and watching for now. It was a fun little project to do with the girls.

Why do I spend so much time on our summer science project? Because as I have watched this change happen over the last few days, this morning it overwhelmingly hit me that for me these butterflies represent my baby girls.

I was so worried prior to my surgery about my family especially my young girls. Megan 7 going on eight in just a week and Madison 5. Those who have read my early posts, know the agony I had both in waiting for the surgery and the pure worry for my girls. How would they handle me not being home? How would my husband handle being alone with them for a week? How would we manage once I came home?

My first night in the ICU my girls came to see me at the hospital. They were not going to let them in. A social worker came to talk to me to let me know they were there but she felt they were too young. I told her that we had talked at length before my entering the hospital and that if they were there I would like them allowed in. She met with them and allowed them to visit. Even with all of those monitors beeping, wires attached to me and scary big machines surrounding me, my big girls came in calmly and held my hand. They stayed just a few minutes. The next few days brought more visits and when I made it to a regular room they helped me walk the hallway.

Since coming home I have watched as my once coddled babies are blossoming….as a team they collect the laundry and run the washer. They loaded their own dishes into the dishwasher and would start it. Megan runs the vacuum while Madison dusts. And at shower time, Madison who was still getting baths takes a shower herself with her big sister helping to wash her hair.

They did not blink an eye at my incisions and on a daily basis tell me how good I look and how well I am doing. They help me do my exercising even cheering me on as if it was an olympic event.

Today I went for my blood work for the next procedure. They went with me. I told them to get dressed..next thing I know they are coming downstairs in skirts. They said it was a big outing for us and they should look the part. How awesome are they?

All of my worry has instead turned into a growing experience for my family.