Relax, don’t worry, wash that gray away

There was a time when I worked when I had a reputation of instilling fear.  I was a no-nonsense kind of person who did not put up with much.  I was also known to have a bit of a short fuse and let’s just say that patience was not a virtue. I do not know if it is age or life experience especially those medical experiences over the last year but I really seem to be seeing things differently and reacting much differently.  (Patience, well still working on that one a bit :-))

I had an appointment to get my hair touch up today.  I arrived and sat for a few minutes chatting with the ladies at the desk.  I have been going to the same salon for years now.  We chatted about Christmas, taking down the holiday decorations and how we all welcomed the normal routine returning.  AFter sitting for 5-10 minutes they decided to call the person who does my hair since she seemed to be running late.

As the call was being made one of the owners of the salon had come to the front, a very nice gentlemen about my age.  The news was then delivered, there was a miscommunication and they were so sorry but my stylist thought she had the day off.  Now, since I had surgery the week of Thanksgiving my hair schedule is a mess and I was WAY overdue for my touch up.  At 41, it is very clear that if I would allow it to grow in I would be fully gray, a look I am not ready for to say the least.

What happens next speaks to the changes I am experiencing in my older age I guess.  The owner immediately jumped in and said he would do my hair.  Now….for many women this is a very personal thing.  They wait weeks to get appointments with “their person”.  People become loyal, right or wrong.  Along with his offer to do my hair were continued apologies and an offer of a 20% price reduction on all services for the day.

I smiled and told them all to relax.  I was not upset at all.  I believe exactly what I said was, “no problem shit happens”.  I was getting the gray out which was the goal of the day.  Getting a discount, well that was a bonus.  There was a time where this probably would have set me off but why?  The way the shop handled it was about as well as you could ever hope for.  The woman who does my hair has an ill father who is preparing for surgery.  Between that, the holidays and her own family added in can overwhelm anyone.  Years ago I would not have know that because I guess I did not really care.  dontsweatthesmallstuff

There are real problems in life involving real people.  Life is just too short to get crazy over silly, stupid or senseless issues.  I guess we would all be better off if we could figure these things out much earlier.  I am happy that I am finally realizing it myself!

Pre-op Bilateral Prophylactic Mastectomy

My dog, solar panels and other totally unrelated items

I am very unfocused.  Could not sleep last night or for several nights before that.  Since I was younger I would have these long periods of sleeplessness.  Won’t call it insomnia because I do eventually doze off.

What is keeping me awake?

I guess we can start with the obvious and the fact that I am about to lop off a portion of my body that I have had since my teen years…much larger and more complicated of course since my kids were born.

But that is not it.  I have a beautiful 3-year-old Labrador retriever who has already had one knee surgery.  She walks with a terrible limp sometimes unable to get up from a laying position.  We are faced with the reality that she has further knee and hip issues.  There is only so much money for medical needs in this family.  She is now on pain pills 2 times a day but things do not look good.

So..dramatic subject change takes me next to a meeting we had last night.  I am no Al Gore but am trying to make better energy decisions.  When we replaced our heater we went with a 95% efficient one for a few extra dollars.  So last night we had a meeting with some solar folks.  WOW…I really had no clue.  A massive (and I mean massive) initial payout of cash will result in just a 25% reduction in our electric bill.  No more govt programs because they realize they flooded the market….so when I laugh uncontrollably I am supposed to  feel guilty as I plug my laptop in right?

Then again back to the surgery, been thinking about the after surgery things.  Getting myself prepared. Waking up in Intensive care unable to see my girls. The first time I will look in the mirror after mastectomy. Showering with the drains…living with the drains.  Swelling and pain ugh.  Having to put a bra on at some point. Patience  is not a virtue I tend to exhibit, how long before I can be fully up and around?

And just as disjointed as this all reads is how it swirls around in my head.