The list begins

On my continued search for “what I want” I think I have begun to develop some thoughts maybe even a list.

1-I would like to worry less about well everything. In my head I am fully aware that I can not control everything, even most things. This is what causes the worry. I wish I could live life and just allow it to happen. This will require work!

2-I want to smile more. 2012 was a rough and at times very painful year. The year leading up to it was possibly even more scary since that was the year of abnormal biopsy and breast MRI. Now with the pelvic Ultrasound results, I am heading for yet another biopsy Thursday. I feel like I have been under a cloud for a long while now and am ready to attempt to outrun it! Although the outcome has been good to date, it has been a long and stressful time that affected my entire family. I believe our Disney trip is a big part of helping this change this mood and we are all looking forward to this trip! The other night we started to pack, a little more each day The guest room is filling up with small piles just waiting to be put into a suitcase. Disney is the happiest place on Earth, we can’t wait!

3-I would love to be able to pay off my credit cards but since that won’t happen anytime soon I will again focus on #1.

This of course is not an all-inclusive list. It instead is just the beginning of one that I expect will grow and change in the coming weeks/months.

Testing my patience

As I sat watching television last night it hit me that I had never heard from the doctor about the ultrasound results. I guess that whole try not to worry thing must be working because amazingly I totally forgot about it. I added it to the to do list for today, I called first thing this morning. I received a call back within 20 minutes only to be told that since I see the doctors in the second office my file is at that office and they would not be in there until after 4:30.

At 4:40pm this afternoon I called and spoke to a rather short, rude person who seemed annoyed that I would be bothering her for such information. SHe proceeded to tell me that they would normally not have such a report so quickly since I had just had the test performed Friday. I told her I received a call in under 24 hours the first time and this was a follow-up. She put me on hold and returned to inform me that indeed the report was sitting on the doctors desk, that the doctor was not in yet and that after seeing patients she would get to it.

In my continued effort to remain calm, I hung up and went about my evening waiting for a call. At about 8 pm of course not receiving one, I called the office which of course….was closed.

I am more than a little annoyed! I will take a breath and call in the morning. I will continue to have positive thoughts but can not promise to continue staying calm!

More waiting

So for as much as I was hoping to leave the medical headaches of the last year in the last year, I had to go for the followup pelvic ultrasound today. A million and one people have told me not to worry about it and for the most part of have been able to put it out of my head but those million and one people did not just finish recovering from a bilateral prophylactic mastectomy. I hate that today is Friday since I will have to wait through the weekend to hear anything. I would like to believe those million and one people but what has me going today was the length of the ultrasound itself. This one was more than twice as long as the first. Now, I understand that sometimes things can not be seen as well and there are many factors including the tech doing it but none of these things can negate the fact that after the last year I am on edge and very much sick of it all!