Tag: post mastectomy

Life changing experiences

 

So I ended my last post with the following question: Could there be room in the Bailey clan for more little ones?  What a buzz that started! :-).  In hindsight could have worded it better, it is not any type of breaking news.  Was intended to only be a lead in to the next piece of the story.

After growing up swearing I would never have children, I am so happy that my mind was changed.  I love being mommy.  It took a little while to get used to the fact that I did not leave my house to go to work. I state it that way because as a stay at home mom, it is work.  It is amazing how some people do not feel that to be true.  How many times over the years I have been asked when I was going to get a “real job” or go “back to work”.  I am blessed to be in a financial position to be able to stay home with my children.  Things could of course be easier if I were also bringing in a pay check but this is a decision that my husband and I made together for the best of our family.  It is not a decision that is right for everyone nor would I ever judge another for the decisions made for their family.  I guess that is why is angers me so when that judgement is made about me.

Late in 2009 we decided to add to the clan.  The world needed another Bailey!  I was about 8 weeks pregnant when I went to the OB for the first visit.  I was sent for an ultrasound a few days later.  During the ultrasound visit the tech informed me that my dates must be wrong.  According to measurements the baby  was only 5 weeks.  I was very sure about the dates!  I was moved to another room to meet with a doctor.  They put me on progesterone in an attempt to prevent a miscarriage.  I was to return in 2 days for blood work.

I returned and had a small, very small improvement in the blood counts.  Within a day I started to have cramping and some bleeding.  I called the doctor and got an immediate appointment.  Before I could even get there , I had a miscarriage.  To make it worse, my Madison was with me, scared, crying.  My heart was broken but the baby in front of me had to take priority.  I calmed her and we went to the doctor.  All they could do was offer support, a shoulder to cry on.  Over the next roughly 10 days I had to return every 2 days for blood work.  Of course my body could not complete the job and I had to be scheduled for a D&C.

Sad does not fully cover the feeling.  Life goes on, I had two beautiful girls who needed me. I never fully grieved, that is not who I am.  I was very sad, but it was my responsibility to get up and move on.  Once a little time passed we figured we would try again.  I really always believed we would have another child that is until June 2011.

For those who have followed the blog a while, you know that was when it all began.  I found a lump in March 2011 and by June had received the news that although not cancer, an “Irregularity” and the 50-50 breast cancer chance.  Decisions, life is full of decisions.  I so wanted another child, but what I want more was to live to see the 2 that I had grow and thrive.  I had the Mastectomy 7/2/2012.

Could I have a child now?  Sure physically I could.  In a few weeks I will be 41 years old, my husband is 43.  My body is not fully recovered from the mastectomy, DIEP surgery, and  breast reconstruction. Do I want to be 60 packing my child up for college?  And after everything I have been through to put my body through that?

I just don’t have it in me.  I have two beautiful, smart and thankfully healthy girls that I love with all of my heart.  Things happen for a reason I am told.  I love my family!

 

Blogs, boobs and the future

I have been communicating via this blog for roughly 5 months or so.  I started as an outlet for my feeling surrounding my upcoming Bilateral Prophylactic Mastectomy.  I found great comfort in the support of others who were in similar situations.  I hope I also provided some for others.

I continue to recover but for the most part the roughest parts are behind me.  I have completed the nipple reconstruction and revision and have been cleared for regular activity.  Although still sore, each day gets easier and more normal.  Today was a day of laundry and food shopping, can’t get much more normal than that! 🙂 I will see the doctor again in 6 weeks and may need 1 more small procedure but nothing to the scale of what I have been through the last few months.

SO, now what?  I enjoy the outlet the blog provides.  I named it Decisions for my Family but initially had a header of Boobs don’t make the Woman. A few weeks ago the blog went through a face lift and I dropped the “boobs” title.  I will continue to write the blog about things that affect the most important thing to me, my family.

This summer’s surgeries have changed me as a person and will be a constant foundation for many of my decisions.  In my situation, a reminder of how important actually making a tough decision is as well as  the impact of such decisions on everyone around me.

I have not fully decided what the future of the blog looks like and may not fully define the parameters.  Quite honestly there are no parameters it is truly a wide open topic.  From the upcoming election which I feel is the most important in my lifetime, to continued updates on the boobs.  There will of course be many words describing the most beautiful things in my life, my girls, my husband, my family. The future is thankfully, wide open!

First day of school, bras and need for the weekend

 

The long-awaited, heavily anticipated day finally arrived, the first day of school!  Thankfully, both girls had a great day.  We had some struggles last year with Meg’s teacher so she was worried heading in but came home thrilled.

Madison was ready to go at 7am this morning although the bus was not until 9am.  She loved that she got 30 minutes alone with us between her bus and Megan’s. She was so great, bus came she looked at me waved and said “bye Mom” and up the steps she went.  I knew she would be like that so I made her give me a big hug before we went down for the bus.  She waved happily from the window as the bus pulled away, then I was alone.  Walking home I might have shed a little tear but part was sad that my babies were growing up but the other was just how proud I am of who they are becoming!

Since I had to go to the bus stop this morning I got up and  took a shower, my first full shower in two weeks which felt wonderful! I got dressed including a bra. I put on an old sport bra which is pretty close to the right size.  I am still so swollen on the sides it is hard to tell what size I really am.  Due to the incisions under my arms and the bruising I still have from the lipo, I can only express my feelings on wearing the bra as down right painful.  And since I have to be a fully functioning member of society I must remain narcotic free during the day.

Frank  stopped at VIctoria Secrets yesterday on his way home as a surprise.  I have not been able to shop there in years due to size.  I still have the steri strips so I will save my new fancy bra for a few days. I cleaned out my drawer yesterday and in doing so realized I was a 40 DDD prior to surgery.  No wonder I had such back issues!  I know that each day will be a little better.

I need to get my stamina back up.  I am wiped out! Bus stops, laundry and some other things around the house, dinner and soccer practice should not do me in like this.  The highlight of my day was getting home taking a vicodine and getting my bra off…ahh the little things in life!