Today is a very special day for me. The sun is shinning, the sky is blue and the temperatures are low, the makings of a wonderful day. I got up early showered and did the normal morning routine. Next I prepared for yet another doctors appointment this time a follow-up to the endometrial ablation done July 19th. This may not sound very special but indeed the day truly is. Why you may ask?
The appointment went well, things seem to have gone well and all pathology benign thankfully. Good news for anyone leaving a doctor’s office but for me much more. See, for the first time in over 2 years I do not have the next surgery plans in the making. I do not even have a doctor’s appointment scheduled. I almost feel as if I am forgetting something since I have nothing to schedule or follow-up on. My life and my check book have been consumed for so long and now a breath of fresh air. Not so fresh for the check book yet as there are still outstanding bills but we are close.
When I say consumed I thought maybe a quick recap was in order:
June 2011 Needle guided ultrasound biopsy leads to full surgical biopsy due to abnormal results. More abnormal results found leading to the rest of the year spent with oncologists, genetic specialists, mammograms and breast MRI’s until decision finally made.
July 2, 2012 bilateral prophylactic mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction.
August 2012 Breast revision surgery
November 2012 Further reconstruction and revision. Also in November the ever interesting colonoscopy and the memorable first pelvic ultrasound.
January and March 2013 further pelvic ultrasounds leading to the ablation in July.
Doctors appointments, follow-up appointments, blood work, scans tests and calls. In between it all worry, pain, tears, looks of pity from others and stress on the family. This has been my life for more than two years. I will be honest, today I have felt a little out of sorts. I can not explain why. It is almost like the medical issues have “defined” me for much of the recent past. Maybe I am a bit reserved afraid that if I get too happy about it something bad will happen. I am sure it will pass…as the reality sets in, doctor free. I look forward to the future, with nothing planned except maybe a Disney trip!
I am tired.
I have been to the pediatrician twice this week, had a follow-up with the plastic surgeon and an endometrial biopsy all while the hubby has been out-of-town for work.
It could always be worse!
So, I had my little one home sick today with fever and sore throat. Thankfully does not seem to be strep so just keeping her loaded up with Motrin and we will wait it out. Megan continues to have sinus issues, an ENT visit is probably in the near future. I need to get both of them healthy in the next 35 days…that is the official Disney countdown! Tomorrow is my nieces birthday and the girls have been looking forward to it since we found out the date. It is to be a bowling party. I will evaluate everyone’s condition in the morning. I hope to be able to go for at least a little while. FIngers crossed.
My visit with the plastic surgeon was uneventful. I am still not fully finished with him. I still have some discomfort from the scare line on the right side. We agreed to one more appointment in 3 months to make sure that scare settles.
The biopsy was also pretty uneventful. I do not know if I have a high pain threshold or after the experiences of the last years surgeries, the many years of breast biopsies or child birth but it was really nothing. It seems that they schedule for at least 30 minutes and often get a bunch of whining, squirming and requests for breaks. Since we did not have any of that we finished pretty quickly so with the extra time the doctor drew the blood work for the CA-125. That saves me a trip to the lab! We did discuss the lack of reliability of the blood work and she explained that it is just part of the puzzle. I get it and agree. The blood results should be back next week, 10-14 days on the biopsy. Until then, I have plenty of other things to think about.
On my continued search for “what I want” I think I have begun to develop some thoughts maybe even a list.
1-I would like to worry less about well everything. In my head I am fully aware that I can not control everything, even most things. This is what causes the worry. I wish I could live life and just allow it to happen. This will require work!
2-I want to smile more. 2012 was a rough and at times very painful year. The year leading up to it was possibly even more scary since that was the year of abnormal biopsy and breast MRI. Now with the pelvic Ultrasound results, I am heading for yet another biopsy Thursday. I feel like I have been under a cloud for a long while now and am ready to attempt to outrun it! Although the outcome has been good to date, it has been a long and stressful time that affected my entire family. I believe our Disney trip is a big part of helping this change this mood and we are all looking forward to this trip! The other night we started to pack, a little more each day The guest room is filling up with small piles just waiting to be put into a suitcase. Disney is the happiest place on Earth, we can’t wait!
3-I would love to be able to pay off my credit cards but since that won’t happen anytime soon I will again focus on #1.
This of course is not an all-inclusive list. It instead is just the beginning of one that I expect will grow and change in the coming weeks/months.