Just received news that my Grandmother died.  Sad.   I received the e-mail from my brother, simply stating “Grandmom passed last nite” with a copy of the obituary.  I guess to those who are thinking this seems like a cold way to find out I should put it into perspective.  I have not seen, talked to or had any real thoughts about this woman in over 15 years or more.  She is my father’s mother, and my father walked out on my family when I was about a year old.  He (and his many girlfriends and wives) was around a little when I was young but was basically gone by my teen years.  And when I say he was around, I mean a weekend here and there or the occasional day trip.  The financial support was even thinner. I believe the last time I even saw him was 1993 which was not a pleasant meeting and the first in many years.

I was much closer to my grandfather than my grandmother.  When I was old enough to drive (not really sure how old I was) my grandparents were living with my father not too far away.  My grandfather was ill having survived several heart attacks.  I would go to visit, have lunch and sit with him while he smoked and watch to make sure he did not burn the house down.  He was slipping badly at that point, at times forgetting who I was or where we were but in between we would have a good visit.  That is until I would realize that my grandmother was in the kitchen calling dear old dad to let him know I was there.  I would always have to keep an eye on my watch because I had absolutely no interest in seeing a man who had no interest in me growing up.

After my “Pop-pop” passed, I don’t think I saw her again.  I think I may have spoken to her a few times on the phone but never saw her.

Still sad.  The question I sit here with though is, is it sad because of her loss or because of the stirring of shit it brings back thinking about her, my father, my childhood?

I guess we can just leave it with goodbye Grandmom.

My grandparents holding a newborn me..1971.