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Fluffy Buddies

I went to the salon today for a touch up.  Sitting there I decided to change it up a little, 40 pounds lost and 4 bra sizes deserved a change.  Went a bit darker with a touch of auburn and a little different on the cut. Turned out nice I think.  A little change is good!

So, last night Madison and I sat for our nightly reading session.  Now, I want to start with the fact that she is doing a great job!  She is enjoying herself and her confidence is growing.  With that on the record, I can not believe how different this experience is versus the one had with Megan.  I am not comparing, just saying.  She will read a word correctly 3 times in a row but then in another sentence totally different.  She is so much like I was am.  Focus was never a strong suit, my mind aways wandering.  I find myself sometimes looking into her eyes trying to see behind them to figure out what is going on in that little head.

We come across the word “friends”, not a word I expected her to get but it was her attempt that changed the course of the session. She calmly came to the word and confidently blurted out “fluffy buddies”.  I guess there must have been something strange on my face because she started to laugh, then laughter turned to hysterics which of course set me into laughter.  I so love how she does not take herself too seriously.  I love to watch her laugh. I guess Fluffy buddies can be friends too!

And here she is today, teaching the “class” sight words.

Blurred lines

So as we grow older, much time is spent in wondering have we accomplished anything?  Will anyone miss me when I am gone?  Kind of morbid I guess but true.  I can not answer if people will miss me or not, but to the question have I accomplished anything, I think I have or at least I am trying to.  My legacy will hopefully be in my children growing into respectful, productive members of society. More and more today, I think we are way off course.  There is such a blurred line between right and wrong, good and bad.  Between the fight over religion and political correctness gone mad, I feel like we are loosing our moral compass.

I was not put here to be friends with my children.  I think many people have a differing opinion than I do on that statement. I figure that at some point in their lives they will hate my husband and I and that is to be expected if we are doing our job correctly. I am not afraid to say “No” and I really do not care what the other kids are doing.  We are not deeply religious people.  Although raised Catholic, I am totally none practicing but still steer my life along a strict code of moral and value based decision-making.  It is through this lens that we attempt to raise our children.

There was an attack in Chester PA the other day.  Six high school age girls walking down the street come across a mentally challenged woman sitting on her front stoop.  These girls proceeded to take out their camera phones and take turns beating the woman and filming the beating.  They cheered and took close up face shots of themselves high fiving.  They immediately posted the videos to Facebook and with in a day 4 of the six were arrested, the other two were by last night.  They are being charged as adults for several felony counts.  What did we see next?  You know it..the families of these “poor” girls saying how wrong it was to charge them so strongly and that they were just kids.  What in the hell?  Yes families, thankfully the woman is alright.  No, No don’t worry your animalistic girls thankfully did not kill her.

There is another video that has gone viral of a woman explaining that she is voting for Obama because he gave her a phone.  She proceeds to say that Romney sucks.  Well..there we go.  A well thought out rationale to take into the voting booth.  I am not going political here and hope everyone votes regardless on who it is for.  I would just hope that people would actually educate themselves on some issues and make an informed choice one way or the other, over 350 million people’s lives and futures depend on it.

Recently, In my opinion, it seems everyone wants someone else to make the though decisions.  People want the school to raise the children.  We want government to take care of us.  It just seems that everyone wants something. Lots of finger pointing and excuses but no self reflection.  What will our next generation become if we can not take charge of our own?

Life changing experiences

 

So I ended my last post with the following question: Could there be room in the Bailey clan for more little ones?  What a buzz that started! :-).  In hindsight could have worded it better, it is not any type of breaking news.  Was intended to only be a lead in to the next piece of the story.

After growing up swearing I would never have children, I am so happy that my mind was changed.  I love being mommy.  It took a little while to get used to the fact that I did not leave my house to go to work. I state it that way because as a stay at home mom, it is work.  It is amazing how some people do not feel that to be true.  How many times over the years I have been asked when I was going to get a “real job” or go “back to work”.  I am blessed to be in a financial position to be able to stay home with my children.  Things could of course be easier if I were also bringing in a pay check but this is a decision that my husband and I made together for the best of our family.  It is not a decision that is right for everyone nor would I ever judge another for the decisions made for their family.  I guess that is why is angers me so when that judgement is made about me.

Late in 2009 we decided to add to the clan.  The world needed another Bailey!  I was about 8 weeks pregnant when I went to the OB for the first visit.  I was sent for an ultrasound a few days later.  During the ultrasound visit the tech informed me that my dates must be wrong.  According to measurements the baby  was only 5 weeks.  I was very sure about the dates!  I was moved to another room to meet with a doctor.  They put me on progesterone in an attempt to prevent a miscarriage.  I was to return in 2 days for blood work.

I returned and had a small, very small improvement in the blood counts.  Within a day I started to have cramping and some bleeding.  I called the doctor and got an immediate appointment.  Before I could even get there , I had a miscarriage.  To make it worse, my Madison was with me, scared, crying.  My heart was broken but the baby in front of me had to take priority.  I calmed her and we went to the doctor.  All they could do was offer support, a shoulder to cry on.  Over the next roughly 10 days I had to return every 2 days for blood work.  Of course my body could not complete the job and I had to be scheduled for a D&C.

Sad does not fully cover the feeling.  Life goes on, I had two beautiful girls who needed me. I never fully grieved, that is not who I am.  I was very sad, but it was my responsibility to get up and move on.  Once a little time passed we figured we would try again.  I really always believed we would have another child that is until June 2011.

For those who have followed the blog a while, you know that was when it all began.  I found a lump in March 2011 and by June had received the news that although not cancer, an “Irregularity” and the 50-50 breast cancer chance.  Decisions, life is full of decisions.  I so wanted another child, but what I want more was to live to see the 2 that I had grow and thrive.  I had the Mastectomy 7/2/2012.

Could I have a child now?  Sure physically I could.  In a few weeks I will be 41 years old, my husband is 43.  My body is not fully recovered from the mastectomy, DIEP surgery, and  breast reconstruction. Do I want to be 60 packing my child up for college?  And after everything I have been through to put my body through that?

I just don’t have it in me.  I have two beautiful, smart and thankfully healthy girls that I love with all of my heart.  Things happen for a reason I am told.  I love my family!