Tag: Medicine

And a year passes.

Sunday, a year ago today, I was preparing to change my life.  I was to be at the hospital by the crack of dawn Monday morning to prepare for my 12 and 1/2 hour marathon surgery.  A bilateral prophylactic mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction. Over the year I have discussed at length the who, what and why’s.

One year later I look back and am still very surprised and how much this decision changed my life.  Clearly the fact that cancer markers were found and I reacted before cancer, is an obvious reason as to why I would be happy with my decision.  It is the rest that really has made me a happier person.

I enjoy every minute.  I know that sounds ridiculous and of course there are the normal issues during the day that get on my nerves but as to my family I really can not wait for the next thing.  The next wonderful thing that comes out of Madison’s amazingly advanced 6-year-old mouth.  Watching my extremely talented Megan as she raises the bar of what is possible with each god given day.  My wonderful husband who deals with the frustrations of thankless non caring bosses and the daily grind that allows me to still be home with my girls.  I take nothing for granted, I thank god for each day.  That may sound strange to many who are close to me since they know that I am not a very religious person.  Raised Catholic, non practicing for more years than I can count, I can not deny that a higher being in involved in many of the things that have happened in my life even if I do not always buy into the norms of structured religion.

Unlike my mother and so many woman around the world, I was able to avoid  breast cancer.  I remember when the most important thing in my life was the next work ranking report, the next inventory, the next meeting blah blah.  How small that seems now.  Today the most important thing to me in ensuring that I hug my kids daily.  So many people do not understand.  Many never will , other just do not care.

I am no longer defined by what others think….another change that has come over the last year.  Tomorrow we have no set plans.  My girls and I will take the day as it comes.  I am sure that the events of a year ago will be on my mind often this week.  The pain, the struggles, the frustration, the relief that I did not have cancer, the realization that after many years of hate just maybe someone is watching over us.

I guess my mind will be a little full this week. Looks like it will be a great week.

A very special ending

Endings, often emotional, never repeatable.  Some we are thrilled to see happen, others we wish would never come.  This week I have 2 endings in process, one fitting in each category.

Wednesday I scheduled what I hope to be the last surgery I have for a very long time.  After the multiple ultrasounds it is time to have those pesky uterine polyps out.  This is expected to be a quick and relatively pain-free procedure.  I am also able to have it done at the surgery center which I am pleased about, having more than my fill of hospitals last year.  This is an ending I have been looking forward to for months!  It does not occur until mid-July but at least it is on the schedule.

An ending that I am not so happy to see will happen in just a few hours.  It is the “very special  endings” ceremony at Madison’s school.  They do not have a graduation ceremony for Kindergarten.  Instead they have this little gathering where they will sing, recite a poem and receive a certificate.  My baby is heading to first grade soon.  Amazing how quickly time flies!

They have been practicing for weeks.  She comes home and hides in her room so I can not see what she is doing.  Two days ago we had to spend time picking the “perfect” outfit. A pretty floral dress and her new “high heel” sandals.  For such a rough and tumble little girl, it always amazes me how much of a little diva she can become when she wants to dress up.  I guess the balance is good…god help me lol!

I am very proud of her growth this year.  She went to school reading just a few sight words and she ends reading small chapter books.  Her math skills are off the charts and the thoughtful questions that she poses to me on a very regular basis at times throw me for a loop.

Madison is a wonderful, smart, beautiful little girl and I could not be more proud!Image

Jolie, the day after

I follow many blogs written by woman who either have breast cancer, are BRCA positive or have had a prophylactic mastectomy.  Yesterday after reviewing several of those blogs most covered Angelina Jolie in some way of another.  What struck me as very interesting is the wide range of opinions on her story.  Most women like myself who underwent BPM surgery commend Jolie for using her platform if for nothing else to get the conversation about breast cancer risks flowing.

I was very interested in some that took great offense in how for lack of a better word , simplistic Jolie made the event seem.  In her article she makes a statement, “but days after surgery you can be back to a normal life”.  Now, I had a different surgery since my reconstruction was done by DIEP flap surgery cutting my entire abdomen.  This required many different steps be taken including not being able to move a muscle in the hospital for 48 hours and having someone checking for a pulse in my new breasts every hour which was fun for all. (not!)

When I got home I was no where close to back to a normal life.  Honestly there was a great deal of pain, many tears and for many weeks the belief that there would never be such a thing as “normal”.  I remember weeks after the surgery attempting to walk around the block with the girls and feeling like I would not make it home.  I remember being unable to get in and out of my own bed. I could not lift my arms, bend over or lift anything for what seemed like a lifetime.  I could not shower for well over a month because of the drains which left such large scars that shaving was an issue for months.  I could go on and on but the point is the same, it was less than a normal life for a very long time!

Normal.  I guess it is all in how we define the word.  I will be reminded for the rest of my life every time I take a shower.  60+ stitches left a more than noticeable scar across my abdomen.  I had wonderful surgeons whom I would recommend to anyone. Angelina describes her “small scar”, I am sure she had the best medical care that money could buy and she probably had a better outcome from it than many.  I do not fault her for that at all.  All I do is say that I will agree with those who fell she does paint a much rosier picture than what I found to be my reality.

One thing that was normal for me was the fear that after multiple years of biopsies that the next one would be the one to show cancer.  That the next mammogram would be the one.

With that said, the many of use who have shared our stories could never reach the audience that she has with her name recognition.  As I stated yesterday in my post, if her experience results in women being tested, educated and empowered well God bless her for sharing simplistic story and all!  Maybe it will cause women to take to the internet to read more realistic stories of the process. Causing women to act is the important thing.  Get your mammograms, question your history, talk to your doctor.

I thank god everyday that I had the strength to make such a decision.  I too now only have a 5% risk of developing breast cancer.  Even with the worst of the memories running through my head about the surgery and recovery, I would do it again tomorrow.  I look forward to many healthy years with my family!