Retrospection,Introspection and a continued search

I wrote a post the other day called What do you want? As I have thought about the answer to that question all it has done is make me ask myself more questions. I guess a little introspection is good from time to time. A long look in the mirror to cleanse the soul.

So, in deciding “what I want”, I started to think about who I am and what I have been through over the last year and a half or so. I scanned through some old posts here and came across one back in April 2012 where I took a shot at a basic introduction. The only thing I would tend to add or change is that I no longer live in fear of developing breast cancer. Instead I am very lucky! I am lucky and thankful that I had the strength to make the decision to have a prophylactic mastectomy. Those who have been peeking in for a while now know what a great decision that was since cancer markers were found in the biopsy. It was only a matter of time.

I started this blog almost a year ago for myself to clear my thoughts as the process toward the BPM began. Over time I meet some strong and wonderful woman. Some of these woman are battling cancer, others like myself trying to jump out in front but all became inspiration to me in some way. As the surgeries began, this blog became an avenue to vent, whine and express myself. It did not matter if anyone actually read but it was nice to know that some did and maybe my experience helped someone the way I was helped.I continue writing now because although I have grown so much personally through this experience, I still do not open up well personally. This continues to be a great outlet for me.

SO I will continue to type away, rambling about my children, my family and sometimes plain old daily minutia. I am continuing to work toward the answer of what I want and while doing so will thank god for what I have. A beautiful family, my health and a future that is wide open. Not too bad I guess!

That’s for stopping by, I do appreciate it!

More waiting

So for as much as I was hoping to leave the medical headaches of the last year in the last year, I had to go for the followup pelvic ultrasound today. A million and one people have told me not to worry about it and for the most part of have been able to put it out of my head but those million and one people did not just finish recovering from a bilateral prophylactic mastectomy. I hate that today is Friday since I will have to wait through the weekend to hear anything. I would like to believe those million and one people but what has me going today was the length of the ultrasound itself. This one was more than twice as long as the first. Now, I understand that sometimes things can not be seen as well and there are many factors including the tech doing it but none of these things can negate the fact that after the last year I am on edge and very much sick of it all!

Now we wait.

A down right epidemic

Ahh the holidays, the smell of cookies baking, the sounds of carols playing, and of course the ever-present sick family member. This year it is members and it started with the youngest. We have all been battling colds for weeks. Very normal this time of year in my part of the world. By Christmas eve, Madi was complaining of ear pain so off to the doctor we went. Hoping that this was the worst of it, back to normal preparations we returned after our medical detour.

Next was my husband. Late Christmas Eve he said he did not feel well but with everything going on I did not think too much of it. Also, his decision to wash the car in the driveway in 40 degree, cloudy weather helped develop my belief that he got a bit of what he deserved. I told him to go to bed early but think he was a little afraid, (we watch It’s a wonderful life every year and then put the presents under the tree).

Christmas was a nice day. Frank did the cooking and most of the dishes but was struggling. At dinner he was sweating. By dessert he was shivering. By bed time he was in the fetal position with a fever of about 102.5 and a layer of blankets. His fever lingers but he is starting to feel better.

Megan must have felt left out because as I put her to bed on Christmas night I felt her little burning head. She had such a good time during the day she never complained but her fever was also about 102. To the doctors yesterday and a long wait. They pediatrician’s office was short-handed because they had to send a doctor home sick! By the way, when I woke up I had no voice, to the joy of the entire family. No fever so I am a step ahead of the rest! I dropped Meg home then went to the CVS to pick up her prescription.

Although plenty of time should have passed, I was told there would be a wait. As I looked around I realized the place was packed. In the back of the store is a Minute Clinic. There were people siting up and down the back 2 aisles of the store. They had to be waiting hours. The pharmacy had bins stacked. The sounds of coughing and sneezing filled the air and in my head all I heard was my own voice screaming to get the hell out of there, but I waited. I slid down an empty aisle and stood until I heard my name.

I am seeing posts on FB of people saying the same things, flu, viruses and sinus infections. It seems like an epidemic. Funny, they have been pushing flu shots. Everyone has told me that I needed to get one this year. I was going to the other day but with holiday chaos I never got there. The rest of the family did as did almost everyone else I know who are currently flat on there backs sick. Not too sure what to make of that.

I still have little voice and today a lovely cough has joined the party. Still no fever so I am the rock holding my achy fever ridden family together. Tomorrow and Saturday are both days to lay low. Sunday we are supposed to have Franks sisters for dinner so hopefully things are looking up by then. I am glad that the girls are off from school this week but also feel bad that their break is consumed with not feeling well.

It could always be worse.

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