Tag: motherhood

Difficult Questions

I continue to be amazed with the depth and intelligence of my own children.  Although  I continue to heal, I am not 100%.  It is no secret to the girls that I am not fully comfortable.  They are aware that my body is still changing.  I am trying to get things back to a normal daily routine but all they have to do is see me while I am changing and it is clear that we are not fully back to normal.

Megan is pretty easy to read.  She wears her feelings on her sleeve so if something bothers her it does not take long to identify it and get it out into the open.  Madison, she is a totally different animal!  Things come flying out of her like missiles out of the blue.  The other night, I was putting her to bed.  We go through our normal routine, which in itself is very structured.  Madison has certain things she has to say and have said to her nightly.  As I give her one last kiss she looks up at me and says, “Mommy, will Megan and I have to have our boobies operated on when we get older?”

I was caught so off guard!  Although I do my best not to lie to my girls, sometimes there is no good truthful answer.  The honest answer is, I just do not know but it is highly probable.  They have two grandmothers who past due to metastasized breast cancer and a mother who according to all of the doctors involved, would have been a breast cancer patient at some point had I not had the Prophylactic Mastectomy.

I gave her a hug and told her that we did not need to worry about such things.  As I walked out of her room, I admit I had a few tears.  I would do anything to protect them!  I guess reality is that for as much as I want, I will not be able to protect them from everything.  Over time, I will seek out advice and take any and all steps needed.  It never ends!

A growing family

Once Frank and I decided we are going to expand our family,  my head was full, so many thoughts, will we be good parents?  Will our children sit on some couch in 30 years talking about how we screwed up their lives? But in we dove.  The decision was the easiest part.

To start with I gained over 70 pounds when pregnant with Megan.  There were many reason for this I assume. I was a smoker and quit as soon as I found out I was pregnant.  I am sure I was a real hormonal piece of work  to be around while going through nicotine withdrawal.  I also decided that Megan liked Lemon water ice and mini chocolate donuts.  She NEEDED to have them!

At some point the pregnancy was deemed “high risk”.  I had placenta previa.  I would have to take a few days off from work each time and lay flat and not move.  I was sent for a “high risk”  ultrasound, which was code for way too long.   They  counted every limb, finger and even toe.  They searched for each organ and after almost 2 hours they determined that Megan was just fine.

I grew larger and larger, my due date came and went, I walked and grew and then walked some more.  I thought if I kept moving she would eventually drop out.  Once I was over 2 1/2 weeks late they finally induced labor and my giant 9 lb 6 oz baby girl arrived.  They quickly swept her away from me after determining that she was not breathing properly.  She stayed the next few days in the NICU. In the end, thankfully she was fine.

I loved being a mom.  We decided the Bailey clan needed another member.  My pregnancy with Madison was pretty uneventful.  Other than being huge massive and extremely uncomfortable, it went pretty smoothly.  Once Madison was born, my Megan seemed to be taken over by a very unhappy little person that I did not know.  There were some complications during delivery with Madison so they converted to an emergency C-section.  I ended up in the hospital for several days.  During visits Megan would not talk to me or sit with me and she wanted nothing to do with her sister!

Things are so much easier with the second child.  By the time I left the hospital, the nurses had already had Madi on a decent schedule.  She was such a pleasant baby.  Good eater, good sleeper and for the most part little fuss.  It did not take long for Megan to warm up to her sister.

Watching them together was and is wonderful.  They get along beautifully.  Of course they argue at times but they are the best of friends and think of each other always.  If either is away from the other and offered anything, they ask for one for the other.  They are my world.

Could there be room in the Bailey clan for more little ones?

Really? Totally unfocused rant

Warning, this post is following my line of thought right now which is extremely unfocused, angry and just plan all over the board.

I thought of posting a huge political rant expressing my pure disgust with the attack on our sovereign land carried out in both Egypt and Lybia.  My disgust over the initial apology issued by our embassy in Egypt to those who attacked us.  My disgust over the fact that we have no time for our allies but continue to bend over to appease those who would seek to destroy us.  The President has walked the statement back since but what does it say that the embassy felt comfortable to issue the statement in the first place?

Then I looked at Facebook and saw a post saying to put away the pink ribbons until October because this is Pediatric cancer month.  Really? So, unless it is the actual month put aside for it, we should not recognize an issue.  It seems that September is also National Preparedness Month so please get ready for any disasters before the end of the month because once October hit..no more!   It is also notional yoga month, national chicken month, guide dog month, honey month and National Hispanic Heritage Month from mid sept to mid Oct.

I had to look that up and was shocked that September was so important..there is a list for every month.  So, if I follow the direction I saw on FB this morning, does it mean I can only openly consume Chicken in September?

Really?  How about we just live.  How about an overall recognition of “Cancer” of all forms. I mean it is the second largest leading cause of death second only to Heart Disease.  Is there a person out there whose family has not been affected by it in one way or another?  Now we will fight over whose month it is?

So after the super market I put on the news for a minute before my little one got home from school.  How should I feel about a teachers union who finds it appropriate to put 350K student on the streets?  The average salary for Chicago teachers is 71K in a city that when compared to the 10 largest American cities has the shortest school day and year.  A district that only graduates 6 out of 10 students in high school.  They chant “who’s school’s, our school’s”.  Interesting.  What about the children?

NOW.. I know someone has already had a thought that I am anti teacher.  I am far from it!  I believe that like any other business, workers should be rewarded for good work.  I would have no issue with teacher making six figures if students were excelling.  I believe in reform!  Pay teachers more but there has to be a standard to which performance is measured like all other industry.  Failing school district should not be offered 16% pay raises.

Still reading?  Well thank you for sticking with my thoughts.  As a parent, I fear for the safety of my young children who have to grow up in the world that we leave them.  What do we as a nation stand for, if anything anymore?  We fight over everything, adults stooping to name calling.  I teach my children that this is bad behavior yet every where you turn this politician calls that one some offensive things.  Everyday people do it with out thought and then we wonder why the bullies are running wild in our schools.

I wish it was as simple as turning off the news but we all know it is far from it!