I have never reblogged someone else’s thoughts before but I fully share my friends outrage here! I wonder if the New York Times article author watched her mother die a long and at times very painful death. I wonder if she ever had to stare into the eyes of her children as she was told she had at minimum a 50/50 chance of developing breast cancer, a disease that has no cure nor is one close to being found after millions and millions spent.

My story is different from my friend at “Beatingcowdens” but when it comes to the prophylactic mastectomy we are sisters.

I wish I could have the last two years of my life back. I wish that I did not have to surgically alter my body. I wish there was no such things as breast cancer. I wish those who would like to speak out in judgement would do their jobs and maybe the rest of us could maybe have our wishes come true but since none of these things can or will happen I want to be clear, I have NO regrets in the decisions I made. Those decisions were not taken lightly and the pathology proved with great certainty that I WOULD have developed breast cancer.

I finish with the same line as my friend, “Don’t talk about my boobs until you have walked in my shoes!”

“Breast cancer becomes very emotional for people, and they view a breast differently than an arm or a required body part that you use every day,” said Sarah T. Hawley, an associate professor of internal medicine at the University of Michigan. “Women feel like it’s a body part over which they totally have a choice, and they say, ‘I want to put this behind me — I don’t want to worry about it anymore.’ ”

The quote above is the last paragraph from a New York Times article published January 21st. I first read about it here in this blog

Preventative mastectomies under fire

And I must agree with “The Pink Underbelly” as my blood is boiling a bit.

I underwent a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy on March 5, 2012. I had been diagnosed with Cowden’s Syndrome, alongside my 8 year old daughter, just months before. I was presented, in January of…

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New year same as the last

It is 11am and I am fully ready for this day to end! Never good right? I finally talked to the doctor and wish I never had. I can not say that I am in the least bit surprised but the ultrasound was all bad news. Not only was there no improvement the news has grown darker. To start with my ovarian complex cyst on the left is still there and now has a buddy on the right. The doctor still does not feel that this is a huge concern but is ordering a CA125 which seems to be blood work to help detect ovarian cancer. Hopefully the blood work shows no issue and we will be left with repeating the ultrasound yet again in a few months.

So, it could end there but hell why would it? Seems that this ultrasound also picked up two cysts just chilling out on the lining of my uterus. She also feels these are probably nothing to worry about but put it all together add in the recent prophylactic mastectomy and cancer markers then use the word “probably” and my nerves are shot. I guess a few drinks before the bus stop is not advisable.

Thankfully they have gotten me in next Thursday for a biopsy and I will get the blood work as soon as I receive the script.

I will do my best to continue positive thoughts.

Retrospection,Introspection and a continued search

I wrote a post the other day called What do you want? As I have thought about the answer to that question all it has done is make me ask myself more questions. I guess a little introspection is good from time to time. A long look in the mirror to cleanse the soul.

So, in deciding “what I want”, I started to think about who I am and what I have been through over the last year and a half or so. I scanned through some old posts here and came across one back in April 2012 where I took a shot at a basic introduction. The only thing I would tend to add or change is that I no longer live in fear of developing breast cancer. Instead I am very lucky! I am lucky and thankful that I had the strength to make the decision to have a prophylactic mastectomy. Those who have been peeking in for a while now know what a great decision that was since cancer markers were found in the biopsy. It was only a matter of time.

I started this blog almost a year ago for myself to clear my thoughts as the process toward the BPM began. Over time I meet some strong and wonderful woman. Some of these woman are battling cancer, others like myself trying to jump out in front but all became inspiration to me in some way. As the surgeries began, this blog became an avenue to vent, whine and express myself. It did not matter if anyone actually read but it was nice to know that some did and maybe my experience helped someone the way I was helped.I continue writing now because although I have grown so much personally through this experience, I still do not open up well personally. This continues to be a great outlet for me.

SO I will continue to type away, rambling about my children, my family and sometimes plain old daily minutia. I am continuing to work toward the answer of what I want and while doing so will thank god for what I have. A beautiful family, my health and a future that is wide open. Not too bad I guess!

That’s for stopping by, I do appreciate it!