I remember when my girls were born, such little angels. So helpless. As I have written before, I still thought they were helpless before the Mastectomy. Over the last 52 days since, they have shown me how wrong I was, how much they have grown. I debate with myself if this “growth” was good or forced because of my surgery and will therefor have a negative impact.
From time to time I feel I owe them an apology. The other day was one of those days. Maybe with the surgery tomorrow, my mind has been swirling a little more that I thought. The apology went a little like this:
I know this summer has not been what you had both hoped for and for that I am sorry. I know that you would rather have been doing a hundred other things instead of taking care of me. I am sorry for that and I love you both very much! Megan quickly jumped it with: ” No problem mom. If I understand what you told us you did this so you would not get sick. So if you do not get sick then you will be around when I have children and I need you to be around because I don’t even know how to hold a baby”. To which Madison jumped in with “me either Megan, do you have to keep a hand under the babies head?”
That was the end of the apology and the beginning of a 15 minute conversation about babies, holding them, diapers, baby gas and were they gassy babies. I guess growth comes from all experiences good, bad, positive, negative, forced and intended. All are necessary and I guess the important thing is ensuring we are always there for them to talk to no matter what is happening.
After a conversation like that I realize…they are just fine. Perfect as a matter of fact! No matter what they will always be my babies, and I will worry about everything but they are growing into wonderful little girls!
Tomorrow is the day! NEWPPLES!
And yes, they were both gassy babies!
Decisions for my Family 
All the best to you tomorrow. May your surgery be successful and with little pain!