An apology for my girls, an education for me

I remember when my girls were born, such little angels.  So helpless.  As I have written before, I still thought they were helpless before the Mastectomy.  Over the last 52 days since, they have shown me how wrong I was, how much they have grown.  I debate with myself if this “growth” was good or forced because of  my surgery and will therefor have a negative impact.

From time to time I feel I owe them an apology.  The other day was one of those days.  Maybe with the surgery tomorrow, my mind has been swirling a little more that I thought.  The apology went a little like this:

I know this summer has not been what you had both hoped for and for that I am sorry.  I know that you would rather have been doing a hundred other things instead of taking care of me.  I am sorry for that and I love you both very much! Megan quickly jumped it with:  ” No problem mom.  If I understand  what you told us you did this so you would not get sick.  So if you do not get sick then you will be around when I have children and I need you to be around because I don’t even know how to hold a baby”.  To which Madison jumped in with “me either Megan, do you have to keep a hand under the babies head?”

That was the end of the apology and the beginning of a 15 minute conversation about babies, holding them, diapers, baby gas and were they gassy babies.  I guess growth comes from all experiences good, bad, positive, negative, forced and intended. All are necessary and I guess the important thing is ensuring we are always there for them to talk to no matter what is happening.

 After a conversation like that I realize…they are just fine.  Perfect as a matter of fact! No matter what they will always be my babies, and I will worry about everything but they are growing into wonderful little girls!

Tomorrow is the day!  NEWPPLES!

And yes, they were both gassy babies!

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