Two years later

Today is a Happy Anniversary for me, the 2 year mark since I underwent the bilateral prophylactic mastectomy, a life changing day for me. I thank god that I had the strength to make such a decision. The year prior to the surgery was filled with doctors appointments, scans and blood work. The years prior to that were filled with biopsies and worry. Since I also had the DIEP flap procedure done at the same time, my surgery took over 14 hours and I spent 7 days in the hospital. The entire process took a total of three surgeries and several months to fully recover. I would say that it took about a year before I felt normal. I had numbness in my abdomen for a long time which was actually welcome after much pain.

I remember finally being released from the surgeons care many months after the BPM, walking to my car thinking both “wow” and “now what”? Strange right? Doctors became such a normal part of my life for so long that it was strange thinking about life after. For so long my entire life was associated with my “procedure” it became part of my identity.

I can not believe it has been two years since the surgery. I have not posted much over the last few months. I started this blog as a way to help me keep my thoughts straight as I prepared for and recovered from major surgery. As time has gone on I am not as sure as to what this will become. I have recently entered a political race for our local town council. I know that I do not want this sounding board to become anything political which is part of why I have stayed off of the pages. I also think there are already too many people posting about the day-to-day life of their children. For the moment I will stay in the background posting from time to time.

Things that I learned through the process, never look back! Make a decision and only look forward, trust in yourself that you made the right decision. Especially with my pathology findings of lobular carcinoma in situ, had I waited another year or two….I can’t think about it and thankfully I did not! Sadly, I also learned that many of the people who I loved and counted on were not there for me or my family when we needed them most. A hurtful reality but one that we have accepted. I no longer waste my time trying to keep our circle any larger than those who truly want to be a part of it.

I enjoy my family more than ever before. There are some who do not understand and to be honest I do not spend too much time explaining myself. I hug my children tightly and kiss them everyday. I enjoy every minute I have with my family and I never pass up an opportunity to tell them how much I love them. To all of the women out there, get you mammograms regularly, talk with your doctor and never be afraid to ask questions!

Hold on Mickey we are on our way! (again)

I used to laugh at those families that went to Disney World over and over. Was there nothing else to spend their vacation money on? That was until we took the girl for the first time in October 2011. The joy in the faces of my girls the first time they walked down Main street, the wonder as the music for the parade started, “Celebrate a dream come true“, we all sang it for weeks after getting home. I remember Megan being so excited when the parade started to go by I had to hold back a tear, a mothers dream is to see a child that excited.

We returned in February 2013. That time was a celebration after my bilateral prophylactic mastectomy and reconstruction. After receiving the pathology report and realizing that it was not “if” I would have gotten breast cancer but instead “when” we knew we had to celebrate! We went all out staying at the Kidani villas overlooking the safari and enjoying 7 jam-packed days. Once again we had a fantastic time! I really started to understand why people continue to come back, the fun had by the entire family was second to none! We could not wait to plan the next trip, we had become one of those families.

This weekend we head back. For the first time we will be driving and no villas. The kids are so excited because they will be sleeping in bunk beds. I am not sure who is more excited, the girls or Frank and I. My husband is just a big kid at heart and I have always had a loving fondness for all things Disney. I also fill with joy watching the girls have such a great time. The countdown has been going on for over a month with the excitement level increasing with each passing day…4 more days until Disney!

I have not posted in a while for several reasons..I will get to those once we return from seeing the mouse. Hold on Mickey, we will be there soon!

Something special?!.

Recently my husband had a conversation with a long time friend who told him that our relationship was something special. It struck him as a strange statement which is probably why he remembered to mention it to me. He told me about it the other night standing in our kitchen, where we have many of our chats. When he first told me how “special” we were I laughed.

Special, what a bizarre description. We are not a very affectionate couple and we are both very stubborn. If you envisioned any of those made for TV couples when I used the word “special” you would be so far from who we are. But as I have thought about this over the last few days I have decided that we are indeed very special.

We often comment to each other that it is us against the world. Things have not always been easy for us but we stick together and find a way through. We have had martial issues like many others, we fight, we disagree and at times flat-out ignore each other. Over the years we have faced many adversities and many situations where others have let us down. It would be easy to cower in a corner and point fingers listing all of them but instead we have accepted that sometimes in life you are just lucky to find that one person who will always have your back.

When I was faced with the decision to have the preventative mastectomy, Frank was my rock. He supported my decision to have such a surgery that would leave me in a hospital for a week, unable to help out for many weeks after as well as change my body forever. He did a wonderful job with our girls, dealt with the wild swings in my mood throughout the process, and set me up a bedroom in our family room. After 7 days in the hospital the first thing he did for me when we got to our home was wash my hair in the sink and shaved my legs so I could feel better before the kids saw me. Tough does not even describe how those few months were but we came though stronger and even more united. Us against the world.

Over the years many have offered ~~unsolicited~~ opinions about how we have chosen to live our lives. Neither of us had story book childhoods so when we decided to start a family it was very important to us to give our children something we did not have. Just yesterday I was able to catch Megan as she ran joyfully screaming from the bus stop that she had won a contest thrown out by the School Principal. Some do not understand why this is so important to us. For many years we have tried to explain that no amount of money could ever replace these years or the memories that we will all share forever, but especially since my surgery I no longer feel the need to explain. My husband and I understand and that is all that matters. Us against the world.

In the end we are basic people, home bodies who would rather sit watching a movie as a family than going out. We would rather spend time at the girls soccer games on the weekend and spend every vacation at Disney world laughing as a family. Things are not always easy but I guess that is what makes it special. Wanting to put in the time and the work necessary, that makes what we have special to me!

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