Tomorrow is 3 days until surgery.. now we are close! Three days…there are still a few areas to be cleaned, a little shopping to do and both girls will be moving up a karate belt on Saturday. Other than that just some quiet time with my family.
Thank you to all of you who have sent me positive thoughts! Whether it is friends who have called or come by, e-mailed or texted or the new friends I have found through this blog! I never expected the support I would receive from people when I started this..to all Thank you!
Today was a busy day! The girls had karate followed by lunch out, errand shopping dinner at the mall and some more shopping. I continue to try to make things easy for the family. We have paper towels and toilet paper stacked to the ceiling, enough tissues to last through next allergy season , ketchup (a major staple in my household) to supply a small diner, enough dog food for an entire kennel and if one was so inclined the floors are clean enough to eat off of.
I exaggerate of course. I don’t know if it is a way of me passing the time. Maybe I have no fear/worry about the actual surgery because I have a god complex that they can’t survive without me. I don’t give myself time to worry since I have to get things ready for them. Who knows and quite honestly who cares. It works for all involved. I want Frank to be able to focus on the girls, it keeps me busy and I am sure things have been taken care of properly.
I just finished the “lists”. Phone numbers of friends and another for medication. Both girls have allergy and or sinus issues. I am a stay at home mom…these things are in my head and handled by me daily as
routine habit. Sitting trying to put it in nice little checklists it not easy lol!
Tomorrow marks 5 days til surgery!
SO as the time draws closer, my thoughts have been increasingly drifting to my daughters. Not the same worries about them dealing with me. These concerns are bigger and more concerning to me. See I am high risk due to my mothers cancer and my own pathology. I was never tested for the BRCA gene since it really did not matter to my own risk factor. A positive test maybe would have put me closer to 80% or so… 50-50 was enough for me.
I am half of the plot for my girls. I honestly do not remember if I ever mentioned that I never met my mother in law. She passed when my husband was in College. She also had breast cancer. So I place myself back in the office and my meeting with the Genetic Counselor but the patients are now my own babies. Two grandmothers with breast cancer, one diagnosed under age 50. Mother…hmmm, how do I fit? No actual cancer but abnormal cells…. Mental note to make sure the girls have a very clear understanding of exactly why I am having this surgery.
I guess the best thing to do right now is get through the surgery. During my followup visits I think I will have to run my concern by some folks.
I will do whatever is needed.