I am not ready, but here we go!

I am not ready! The other night I attended the middle school orientation for the parents of incoming sixth graders at one of the local middle schools. The school itself is beautiful and huge. It was a bit intimidating to me. The high school I attended was tiny in comparison. It scares me a little to think of my baby walking the halls in September. In my mind, she is still the little baby who loved to be held and cuddled. Of course she is no longer that baby, she is a beautiful, intelligent, strong and confident young girl who is not only ready for the next stage but excited for it to come.

The process of our 6 elementary schools folding into 3 middle schools is actually a very well planned out chain of events that started a few weeks ago. A counselor visited the elementary school and talked to the kids followed a week later by the kids boarding a bus for a tour of their soon to be new school. Last week, the parents met with the Principal and in August there is a several day program in which the kids get used to the school, lockers and all of the wonderfully High School like world that our Middle school will provide.

When I went to school (way back when) I went to the same building for 8 years. There are more kids in the elementary school that Meg attends that were in my entire school and the middle school has almost 200 more kids that. I am finding myself a bit overwhelmed but like I stated earlier Megan is so excited. She has already been studying the list of clubs and is putting thought into how to decorate her locker. I am not ready!

Every night before I go to bed, I look in on the girls and stand for a minute and watch them sleep. Often I kiss a cheek or the top of a head and smile. I think of just how proud of them I am. I can not imagine a life without my girls, my family. Lately, when looking at Megan I wonder when it happened. When did that shy, timid little girl become the young lady who is about to become a middle schooler and test for her black belt in karate. It all happens too fast.

So here we sit ready to embark on another first, another new adventure. I will be there to celebrate the wins and to dry the tears. I will hide my unease because this is part of life, the necessary part where mommy can not control everything, the part where my little girl must take steps to build her future. I may not be ready but my wonderful, brilliant beautiful daughter is so I will kick and scream,(quietly behind a door) and probably shed a tear or two but away we go. Ready or not, I will be with you every step of the way!

Striking the perfect balance, hopefully at least sometimes!?

When I was younger I swore I would never have children. They were dirty, needy and would just get in the way. I had visions of being the CEO of IBM. As with most of us, the visions of a young person grow and change as we do.

I did well in my career but something was missing. I remember when I held my Megan for the first time, her wide open bright eyes looking up at me, I swear she actually waved. That was it. That was all I needed to know that there was no job in the world that could ever be as fulfilling as staying with my baby. I have been fortunate enough to be a part of every aspect of my girls development. Financially it has not always been easy but it has been the most rewarding job ever!

Being a Mother has been an adventure, figuring it out day by day. Frank and I don’t have any parental guidance and I never had the perfect role model. My relationship with my mother was not perfect, whose is? At the time it was all I knew. Some will say she was a difficult person and I would agree. She was a functioning alcoholic and in those days this was acceptable. She had a temper and was not what anyone would call “warm and fuzzy”. There were not many hugs or “I love you’s” in our house. With that said, she raised three children alone, kept a nice home for us against all odds and ensured that we had the best education possible to enable all three of us to improve our own lives. I am blessed to have had such a strong woman as a mother.

As I raise my own children I struggle to find the right balance. Many of their friends are handed everything with no understanding of the value attached to the items. Too many parents would rather be a friend than parent. I never want to have the heavy hand I was raised with yet I want to ensure there is structure and discipline, but discipline filled with love. Yes there is such a thing. The ability to say “no” to your children, to realize that they may get mad at you and life will go on.

Being a parent is not always easy, as a matter of fact uneasy is how I feel much of the time. So many firsts in life that need to be explained. Hurt feelings, confusion and the unknown are all a part of everyday life and I love it! Each day is an adventure and I look forward to every one of them!

Perseverance, unicorns and just a little pixie dust

Life is messy, and hard and sometimes downright mean. I would like to be able to tell my kids that it is filled with unicorns and roses but that would be silly, untrue and would not prepare them for the reality of the future. I would like to tell them that they can just shut the door until the hard stuff is over but that would just make them victims to the evils that would eventually consume them. I would like to tell them that they could close their eyes and wish it all away but in my opinion that would ensure them a future of failure.

No, I tell my girls the truth. The cold, hard and often ugly truth. Life is unfair, hard and dirty at times and often it will disappoint you. With that truth comes the real lesson, a lesson of perseverance that those who keep their heads up, those who work hard, those who strap in for the rough ride will succeed in the end and be the stronger for it! My girls have lived this lesson from early ages. I am sure they feel that their lives have been often unfair to this point, Madison being witness to my miscarriage, major health scares for both of their parents and more hospital visits than any child should have to endure. They have seen their father work non stop only to have his pay cut and eventually be laid off by the same company. I am fully aware that our lives are a paradise when compared to others. We all have our struggles, how you deal with them makes us who we are.

I try to teach the girls that when life gets tough to face it and never give up. I hope that my husband and I have modeled this same lesson for them. There is often an easier way but it does not make it right. Never run and never bury your head in the sand. Do not be afraid to try, to fail, but NEVER stop trying, learn and grow and always keep smiling.

As meaningful as those lesson are, it is also important, more important to celebrate the wins, the glass is half full side of things. The fact that my girls are healthy and smart, athletic and kind. The fact that after a tough search my husband has found a wonderful new job. From time to time, it is nice to live in a world of unicorns and when life is on an upswing you grab on with both hands! How do you best celebrate the positive turn in events? With a trip to Disney World of course! Very soon we will be off to see that amazing Mouse! For our family Disney is that place where you get to close your eyes and wish it away, that world where fantasy is reality and pixie dust rules the land! I can not wait….Mickey we will be there soon!