Tag: Child

Life changing experiences

 

So I ended my last post with the following question: Could there be room in the Bailey clan for more little ones?  What a buzz that started! :-).  In hindsight could have worded it better, it is not any type of breaking news.  Was intended to only be a lead in to the next piece of the story.

After growing up swearing I would never have children, I am so happy that my mind was changed.  I love being mommy.  It took a little while to get used to the fact that I did not leave my house to go to work. I state it that way because as a stay at home mom, it is work.  It is amazing how some people do not feel that to be true.  How many times over the years I have been asked when I was going to get a “real job” or go “back to work”.  I am blessed to be in a financial position to be able to stay home with my children.  Things could of course be easier if I were also bringing in a pay check but this is a decision that my husband and I made together for the best of our family.  It is not a decision that is right for everyone nor would I ever judge another for the decisions made for their family.  I guess that is why is angers me so when that judgement is made about me.

Late in 2009 we decided to add to the clan.  The world needed another Bailey!  I was about 8 weeks pregnant when I went to the OB for the first visit.  I was sent for an ultrasound a few days later.  During the ultrasound visit the tech informed me that my dates must be wrong.  According to measurements the baby  was only 5 weeks.  I was very sure about the dates!  I was moved to another room to meet with a doctor.  They put me on progesterone in an attempt to prevent a miscarriage.  I was to return in 2 days for blood work.

I returned and had a small, very small improvement in the blood counts.  Within a day I started to have cramping and some bleeding.  I called the doctor and got an immediate appointment.  Before I could even get there , I had a miscarriage.  To make it worse, my Madison was with me, scared, crying.  My heart was broken but the baby in front of me had to take priority.  I calmed her and we went to the doctor.  All they could do was offer support, a shoulder to cry on.  Over the next roughly 10 days I had to return every 2 days for blood work.  Of course my body could not complete the job and I had to be scheduled for a D&C.

Sad does not fully cover the feeling.  Life goes on, I had two beautiful girls who needed me. I never fully grieved, that is not who I am.  I was very sad, but it was my responsibility to get up and move on.  Once a little time passed we figured we would try again.  I really always believed we would have another child that is until June 2011.

For those who have followed the blog a while, you know that was when it all began.  I found a lump in March 2011 and by June had received the news that although not cancer, an “Irregularity” and the 50-50 breast cancer chance.  Decisions, life is full of decisions.  I so wanted another child, but what I want more was to live to see the 2 that I had grow and thrive.  I had the Mastectomy 7/2/2012.

Could I have a child now?  Sure physically I could.  In a few weeks I will be 41 years old, my husband is 43.  My body is not fully recovered from the mastectomy, DIEP surgery, and  breast reconstruction. Do I want to be 60 packing my child up for college?  And after everything I have been through to put my body through that?

I just don’t have it in me.  I have two beautiful, smart and thankfully healthy girls that I love with all of my heart.  Things happen for a reason I am told.  I love my family!

 

Doctor’s and Kindergarten

SO I had my follow-up this morning.  Pretty uneventful visit actually.  He agreed that one boob was looking more north than the other but says it could take up to 3 months for healing and that they should align properly.  He also feels the nipples will shrink down to a normal size.  At the moment I feel like they arrive in a room at least a minute before I do.  He told me to make another follow-up in 6 weeks.  At that point if they are still uneven then he can make a small incision to lift the left boob.  He can also reduce the size of the questionable nipple.  I wanted more detail on what this would look like, in office?  Hospital?  He did not want to discuss it.  Says we need to give it time to heal and let my body do it’s thing.  If all works out we will not need to do anything.  We shall see.

I was cleared to shower…YEAH!  So much easier than washing my hair in the sink.  I am also allowed to start wearing a bra, no under wire.  We will discuss the bra on another post.

After the doctor I came home and picked up Madison for a big day!  Meet the teacher at the Kindergarten.  I was so proud of her!  She did great!  As we walked toward her building she told me to follow her.  She showed me how to follow the red foot prints to get to the right building.  They had a bus parked in the lot so the kids could go on and practice with the seat belts.  Then we went into her classroom.  She looked around and found her seat and sat so confidently.  My baby, what a big girl!  They had an opportunity to explore, listened to a story read by the teacher and met some other kids from the class.

I love that our district does this.  Really allows the kids to get comfortable with the process.  She told me that she wanted to be in bed early so she could be ready for school.  She was asleep by 8pm…love it!  I am the mother of a 3rd grader and a Kindergartener, where does the time go?

Motherhood

The worst thing about just sitting around with nothing but time are the thoughts that just continue to swirl through my head.  I have mentioned my mother several times in this blog. Although I loved her very much, I have tried to be a very different mother to my children than she was to us. She was a single parent from the time that I was a baby. I know it was not easy for her.

Growing up I don’t really ever remember hearing  the words “I love you”.  I know that she loved me  and I loved her.  But it is nice to hear the words right?  I remember when Megan was born.  I was so thrilled.  See I was a career girl and was never going to have children, that is until I had Megan and resigned from my career :-).  I could not have loved her anymore.  I just loved to hold her, hug her and kiss her.  I used to just sit and kiss her head…even told her tiny little body that there would be a million kisses up there by the time she was one. I also made her a promise that a day would not pass when I would not tell her how much I loved her!  The same held true when Madison was born and as they have both gotten a little older I encourage them to talk to us and ask questions.  This is often very interesting as other also find.  Out of the blue whatever is on Madison’s mind comes out…sometimes a little awkward but the only way to learn.

By no means am I a push over quit the countrary I am actually very strict. But  I do not want my girls to be afraid of anything and I do not want them to ever feel that they missed out!