Tag: family

Bright sun and blue sky

It is a beautiful day today!  I am definitely one of those people who’s mood is affected by weather.  Yesterday we were at the park for the opening day parade and it was cold!  Very overcast and cloudy but thankfully the rain held off til late.

A good time was had by all at the park but of course it just would not be a family event without someone getting sick.  Madison woke up with all signs of sinus/ear infection.  SHe was so excited about the parade I had to let her go and march but as soon as the actual parade was over we separated from Frank and Meg and went to the doctor.

So I recently find myself wondering if I am supposed to tell everyone that I am about to have surgery.  As I stand at the bus stop in the morning with neighbors and we chit-chat about this and that.  Am I supposed to drop in there a hey by the way I am having a mastectomy?  Or just disappear one day for a little bit?  Possible to get through without some people even noticing or do the after explanation.  I almost want to make up business cards with the blog address and just say read this because I prefer not to talk about it. I do not mind blogging about it at all but when you discuss it with people they get that look…it just gets exhausting.

Today I am thankful for Madison feeling better and bright shinning sun!  Looking forward to a great day with my family.

About me..

When I first started posting some ramblings on here, I never really thought anyone would read it.  It was more for me I guess to clear my own thoughts.  Then some friends and family took a look. Now I realize that people outside of my own small world have taken a peek yet I have really never introduced myself, well,  other than the whole mastectomy high risk thing that is.

So here we go.

My name is Christine and I live in New Jersey.  I am 40 years old and have lived in fear of developing breast cancer for years. I have 2 beautiful daughters and a husband that I love very much. Our anniversary is right around the corner, a month before the surgery so we should go out for a ridiculously expensive dinner.

Those around me would probably describe me as stubborn and intense but usually fair.  Also, passionate and  caring but will not be taken advantage of or pushed around.

I used to smile and laugh much more than I do now.  For years I have tried to make everyone happy but am coming to realize that is part of the “smile” issue.  I am now thinking about the movie “City Slickers“…I need to find my smile.

I consider myself to be a strong person but after my kids were born would find myself crying at mushy shows, movies and even commercials that never would have had that effect on me prior to their births. I can’t dance, sing, draw or play an instrument yet my girls find me to be the most creative person alive.

I am the fixer or things, taker of pictures and keeper of memories. (we go through a lot of glue).  I am a coach of many sports, driver of the mommy taxi and chef.

One of the biggest challenges I faced over the last few years, outside of this whole mastectomy thing, was the conversion of district manager at a large retailer to stay at home mom.  At one time, hundreds of people had to listen to what I said and in the blink of an eye I had children who dared to say “no”.

I consider spell check to be one of the greatest inventions ever since I can not spell worth a damn!

I was raised Catholic, went to 12 years of Catholic school and although for the most part non-practicing I still suffer from massive Catholic guilt.

I love my family with all of my heart and for the most part do not let others opinions derail me.

And after reading the last few line realize I like the phrase ” for the most part”.  I start sentences with the word “So” very often and am sure that english professors everywhere would have a field day with a red pen on my writings.

Lastly…I long for the day that I do not look in the mirror and see the person who is agonizingly waiting, counting the minutes until the mastectomy is over.

Oh..and thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts…I appreciate it!

Friendship and continued preparation

Another week begins and the gap between me and the surgery closes.  Still way to far away to do a count down.  I spoke to a long-lost friend yesterday.  We have know each other since we were kids roughly 25+ years and have been through a lot of both good and bad times.  We all know how things happen you forget to call, then get busy maybe get mad that your forgot to call and got too busy and the next thing you know close to 2 years have past. I did not want anymore time to pass! It is always amazing though, no matter how long it has been you can still talk as if it was just yesterday.  It was great to reconnect and I will not forget to call next time!

I have a check list of sorts in my head to run through before the surgery.  Like I mentioned in keeping busy with the scrapbooks, I have a few project to wrap up etc.  I want to go into the hospital knowing that my family is taken care of and have little to stress about.  In my heart I know I will be fine and will only be away a few days but…there is always a but and always a possibility .  I have some wonderful friends who have offered to help Frank with the kids or who have asked what they like to eat so that there can be meal prepared for them.  I appreciate them all!

Some days I look at the clock and wish I could use one of the many magic wands that we have in the toy box and speed up time.  Then again this “waiting” has made me more appreciative of everything around me.  I enjoy watching the kids at activities just a bit more and the popcorn during yesterdays movie was awesome. I guess it is all about perspective.