Tag: Health

“Brave” revisited

Since the beginning of this entire process, at least the beginning of telling other people what decision I had made regarding my health, the decision to voluntary have my breast removed in order to not become a cancer statistic, I have lost count of the amount of time I have been told how brave I am.  It comes in different forms, brave, strong, how much people respect me, etc.

I find these comments to be as strange now as I have since the beginning. I posted a page called “Brave” in June and I am left with the same question today as I had then, is it brave to do the only thing really available to possibly prevent cancer and extend your time? I remember the day I got the call with the pathology report, “My holy shit day“, I was numb.  That call was the reality staring me in the face of what would have been had I not had the surgery.  The basic guarantee that within the next few years, a cancer patient.

In some ways I feel pressure,  I have always been the strong one.  Even when I worked, I was sent into situations that needed to be fixed.  I was the one who dealt with the “problem” employees, implementing unpopular changes or the tough decisions.  Honestly, I like to be in those positions.  I like a challenge but this is different.  There have been many days when I have felt like pure shit yet someone texts or sees you near the mail box and the last thing they expect to hear from me is the truth. I don’t mean that to sound bad, I mean it makes me feel good that people look at me this way, just sometimes I guess things are not always as they appear.

So, Brave?  Running like hell away from something I saw running toward me? To me the only decision I had to make. But if my story can help someone, inspire someone well good!  Take control!

Two more days until Newpples….

Took the girls to the salon today for back to school cuts.  I think they enjoy it just a bit too much.

3 days until Newpples

It has been officially 50 days since the bilateral prophylactic mastectomy.  Amazing to think about!  Although I have come a long way and dread going backward, I can not wait for this surgery.  I hope that once we are finished this awful discomfort ceases.  I know they  will never look fully normal and I am more than fine with that.  This is not about vanity it is about being able to dress normally and fully function.

I am not as crazed before this procedure as I was before  the mastectomy .  Some general clean up around the house, making sure the girls are ready for school and some minor errands.  I am hopeful that my recovery is quick.  I give myself a week but I really need to be up and about after that!  My fingers are crossed!

Tick tock…

47 days post BPM, 6 days pre reconstruction

I hate that my entire life continues to revolve around surgery.  For the last several months, everything I do is either to make sure it is taken care of  before a surgery or the evaluation of whether I can do it because of the surgery.  With this pending procedure  much later than I would have liked, and the first day of school right around the corner, I can only pray that I will be up and around to attend meet the teacher and get the girls to the school bus.

I have no idea what to expect from the nipple reconstruction and revision in the way of pain.  Initially ,I would have said it was to be minor when it was just the nips but now that we are actually cutting to remove the “side air bags”, I assume the level of pain may be significantly somewhat higher.  The thought of pain on so many levels is dreaded.  At this point I rarely even take Motrin or Tylenol.  The thought of narcotics again makes me shudder just a bit.  I am feeling so close to normal, the thoughts of going backward, starting over again, no wonder I continue to struggle to sleep.

I received a comment on my blog last night telling me to “rest a little before the next surgery”.  Funny, sometimes it takes someone on the outside to point that out..thank you!  My husband and I actually were able to sit for a few minutes this morning quietly before the girls woke up.  We will take tomorrow as a family day…activity to be named later.

I have included a picture that does not relate at all to the post today but the face just demands to be posted.  Madison lost a second tooth in just a handful of days.  Not sure how the poor kid can eat at this point.  It is one heck of a mug!