Never ending medical appointments

So I had the appointment with the gynecologist today…always a thrill!  It is interesting telling my Prophylactic Mastectomy story to people who are not aware.  According to her,  records are often not sent until you are released from care.  Since I am still officially undergoing treatment my GYN had no update since the mammogram of March 2011 that started it all.  She was a very interested audience.  The person I see at the office is one of the nurse practitioners.  I have gone to her for years, much easier to get an appointment that trying to see one of the doctors.  She was the one who was there the day I had my miscarriage and she was the one I saw following the birth of both of my beautiful girls.

She added to the chorus of folks who say how brave I am.  She also added to the list of those who want me to have further tests. She agrees with the colonoscopy and not to be out done by other doctors,  feels I should also go for a pelvis ultrasound. I feel like I am some pawn in a wired medical game, I se you mastectomy and raise you one colonoscopy and a pelvic ultrasound.  So if everything were to go perfect, I have at least 5 more medical appointments minimum before we can close this chapter of my life, and when does life go perfect?

The connection between breast and ovarian cancer is known.  Can I say clearly how F-ing tired I am of tests and doctors?  Of course I will go but think I am going to hold off making an appointment until next week.  I hope to get a date nailed down for the last of the breast procedures before making more appointments. I sure hope it is the last!

If I only had a crystal ball

The way I see it, life is really about making a few good decisions at the right time.    For me I will say my job change was a very important decision made. I took a significant pay cut and loss of title in doing so. I was mocked by many around me.    I was even counter offered but in my heart I felt what I was doing was right.  In the end, I achieved so much more, a higher title and worlds more money.  It  allowed me to live the professional life I always thought I wanted.  It also allowed me to open my mind up to other aspects of my life, the possibility of having a family.

Changing course in my life and having the girls was a huge decision for me which may be the greatest one I have ever or will ever make.  My girls are my world!  There is no title available that could fill my life as much as seeing my girls grow and learn.

I had to go to the dentist the other day.  It was the first place where I have had to announce my recent surgery.  As I sat down, the hygienist asked cheerfully, “any medical changes since last visit?” Oh sure!

She had just turned 40.  I know that because the rest of the appointment we talked about boobs.  She was very interested in my story . What I found interesting is the fact that she also had a friend with breast cancer and a script for a mammogram yet had not made an appointment.  She told me that her doctor had ordered it as a baseline when she had her appointment a few months ago and had just not gotten around to making the mammo appointment. Did I think it was really that important?  My eyes must have done something because she sat back allowing me to sit up  to answer.  I had my first mammo  in my early 20’s.  Do I think it is important…ugh hell yes!

Decisions, what to eat, wear, is getting a mammogram today really that important?

Having a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy I am sure will turn out to be at the top of my good decisions list.  With the pathology results, I don’t even need to list why.

I almost want to call my dentist office to see if she has made her appointment yet.  Had my mother gone earlier?  But you can’t go back you can only look at all of the information at hand and make what you hope will be the right decision, one that 20 years down the road makes that list, the list of the few great decisions I made in my life.

The “New” reality hits

Back in May I posted a page called Reality HitsThose feelings after walking into the Oncologists office a year ago, both fear and empowerment.  Seems like a life time ago!  Today I was on my elliptical machine sweating up a storm, thoughts swimming in my head, when it finally started to hit me…I have a new reality!  I will not get breast cancer (alright nothing is 100% but 93-95% is not bad at all!)  I will never have another mammogram or breast MRI. I started to feel empowered again!  When I finished my workout I tooted my own horn with my FB post..(which is not like me honestly):

Exactly 4 weeks ago today released from a one week stay in the hospital after a Bilateral Prophylactic Mastectomy. A 20+ inch incision across my abdomen. TODAY a 20 minute high impact elliptical workout followed by 5 minutes on the punching bag…DAMN right I am proud of myself!

So much time agonizing over the thoughts of cancer…gone.  Then,  the validation of my decision to have the mastectomy when the pathology reports hit.  

So I understand that I am not ready to run a marathon, but I remember about two weeks ago getting stuck on my back on my own bed, lying there like a turtle.  I also fully grasp that I will have a set back on 8/24 when I have the surgery for the nipple reconstruction and revision, but for now I will do what I can to get in somewhat decent shape before then.

The new reality is not too bad at all!!