Me, My Family

It is all about the kids…a meeting

By the time I was 1-year-old my parents were divorced.  By the time I was 12 I fully understood that my “father” was lacking in many if not all fatherly responsibilities.  The fact that we had to move to a much smaller house, or the fact that we only saw him sometimes or maybe it was the lack of birthday presents, or the fact that they both played the “what did you, (fill in parent here crap) or, or, or…….

I did not see him much growing up and even less  (if at all between 12 and 22, do not really remember ).  I was very angry I can openly admit it.  We went without a lot.  Unlike today, divorced parents were not the norm then so it was rough in school.  Oh, and it was 12 years of Catholic school, (they were even less accepting of the divorce concept.)

I could whine further about the different difficulties growing up but who cares.  For the most part I have lived with a belief of using all experiences to build character.  I am the strong person that I am because instead of dwelling on my shitty childhood I used it to make me stronger. With that said,  I had absolutely no relationship with my father after roughly 12 years old..zip, nada none!

The only reason I saw him at 22 was because he was at my sister’s wedding for a few minutes but we did not speak.  She has now been divorced much longer than she was ever married, and the sarcastic side of me wonders, could he have been the bad luck?

So, over the years my siblings have had on and off relationships with the man which is within their rights. I have had no interest.  When Megan was born a message was relayed that he would like to meet her….my answer was along the line of F— You !

My girls are getting older, asking questions.  I have never lied to my girls about anything.  My mother died in 2002 of metastasized breast cancer. Franks parents both died while he was in college, his mother of the same as mine and his father of a massive heart attack.  My girls until about a year ago believed all of their grandparents were dead.I beliveve it was Madison who was the first to ever pose the question about my father. She was the first who realized we never specifically mentioned my father. Once asked, Is your daddy alive, I had no choice but to answer “yes”.

Many questions came with that “yes” answer.  Why have we never met him?  Why was he not around for you like our daddy?  There are no good answers for any questions posed on this subject tossed from a 6 or 8-year-old.  I thought it would just end this way, two confused girls with questions I would “attempt” to answer either truthfully or not.

And then something happened not too long ago.  Not to get to deeply into it, but my grandmother died, his mother. I do not know if it was the passage of year, the lack of others talking in my ear, the thoughts of my own children regretting the chance to meet the only living grandparent they had but I decided to change years of a solid belief stance.  I told my brother that if their grandfather wanted to meet them, to let him know my e-mail.

Time for bed so a long story needs to end.  After a few e-mails, he was in town…..my father who I have not seen in at least 20 year.  Arrangements were made and it was time for my girls to meet the only grandparent they had.

Thursday Night..the big night.  I had no real feeling either way to be honest.  I expected the worst and hoped for the best.  On the other hand, my daughter, especially my little one were so excited.  “is this my real grand pop?”  she asked?  “Yes Madison, the one and only”.  This was a real Q&A less than 15 minutes  before the knock at the door.  I did not tell them until a few hours before the expected meeting.  I did not want them to live the disappointment I had for years.

In the end, they  had a wonderful time.  He was good with the girls and did great with their gifts.  The fact that he brought his girlfriend who thinks she knows everything, well was tough on me but such is life.  Thankfully my loving husband was around the entire time and took over when I needed to go for a “walk”. His girlfriend was just   nonstop talking or the talk about shit she has no idea about OR she truly proved herself to be one of the most truly annoying (or dumb)  people I have ever met!

I will leave that there, but will admit that I made the right decision in letting the girls meet their grandfather. Not because I have any different feelings about the man but because how happy they are about meeting some one that they thought did not exist.   He watched them dance, watched meg play piano, listened to stories and brought gifts.  That is the definition of “grandparent” right?

That is all  I have for now..this post has taken way too long!  Good night all!

My Family, Post nipple reconstruction/revision

Blurred lines

So as we grow older, much time is spent in wondering have we accomplished anything?  Will anyone miss me when I am gone?  Kind of morbid I guess but true.  I can not answer if people will miss me or not, but to the question have I accomplished anything, I think I have or at least I am trying to.  My legacy will hopefully be in my children growing into respectful, productive members of society. More and more today, I think we are way off course.  There is such a blurred line between right and wrong, good and bad.  Between the fight over religion and political correctness gone mad, I feel like we are loosing our moral compass.

I was not put here to be friends with my children.  I think many people have a differing opinion than I do on that statement. I figure that at some point in their lives they will hate my husband and I and that is to be expected if we are doing our job correctly. I am not afraid to say “No” and I really do not care what the other kids are doing.  We are not deeply religious people.  Although raised Catholic, I am totally none practicing but still steer my life along a strict code of moral and value based decision-making.  It is through this lens that we attempt to raise our children.

There was an attack in Chester PA the other day.  Six high school age girls walking down the street come across a mentally challenged woman sitting on her front stoop.  These girls proceeded to take out their camera phones and take turns beating the woman and filming the beating.  They cheered and took close up face shots of themselves high fiving.  They immediately posted the videos to Facebook and with in a day 4 of the six were arrested, the other two were by last night.  They are being charged as adults for several felony counts.  What did we see next?  You know it..the families of these “poor” girls saying how wrong it was to charge them so strongly and that they were just kids.  What in the hell?  Yes families, thankfully the woman is alright.  No, No don’t worry your animalistic girls thankfully did not kill her.

There is another video that has gone viral of a woman explaining that she is voting for Obama because he gave her a phone.  She proceeds to say that Romney sucks.  Well..there we go.  A well thought out rationale to take into the voting booth.  I am not going political here and hope everyone votes regardless on who it is for.  I would just hope that people would actually educate themselves on some issues and make an informed choice one way or the other, over 350 million people’s lives and futures depend on it.

Recently, In my opinion, it seems everyone wants someone else to make the though decisions.  People want the school to raise the children.  We want government to take care of us.  It just seems that everyone wants something. Lots of finger pointing and excuses but no self reflection.  What will our next generation become if we can not take charge of our own?

Pre-op Bilateral Prophylactic Mastectomy

Baby it’s cold outside!

Geeze…this winter we had less than 4 total inches of snow.  A few weeks ago I had to turn the air conditioner on in April and tonight sitting at Madi’s softball game I wish I had worn my winter coat!  Crazy!

Just got the girls to bed and now catching up on my DVR’ed Real Housewives of New Jersey…I can’t help it I just love these shows.  What better way to escape reality than to watch such a train wreck.  You can’t watch real TV unless you want to be bombarded by political ads.  Facebook is loaded with everyones political opinions (which I admit I do to often myself).  Politics plus the thoughts of surgery are enough to drive anyone crazy right?

I feel like there is something I should be doing to prepare …but what do you do to prepare for Mastectomy? I don’t really have a clue.  I guess the only thing I can really be doing right now is some exercise.  Sounds easy but I am having a terrible time.  Just can not get motivated for more than a few days. Wish I had a personal trainer who would come knock my door down and force me to move!  Guess tomorrow is another day!