Rambling just a bit

My daughter came home from karate and was a bit down because they sparred and she did not do well. The Sensei is tough (and btw great with the kids). I told her it was fine because it is a lesson well taught in a safe environment. She does not understand what I mean by that. I wanted them to take karate. I worry so much about them. I want my girls to be able to handle any and all situtaions that come their way. I hope they both follow through and make it to black belt.

Laying in bed last night, not sleeping (which has been a common theme again lately) I could not clear my head. I flipped on the DVR and watched a Burn Notice that I had recorded. In it the main characters brother was killed..he was not a main character, only been in a few episodes. I found myself in tears..not because of this guy on the TV but for some reason the funeral scene flashed me back to the night my mother died and the image of her lying motionless in her bed. That was 10 years ago…where the heck did that come from and why?

My children never met either of their grandmothers. When Megan was a baby there were several strange occurrences. One time she was maybe 2ish she was talking. When I asked who she was talking to she said “grand mommy, your mommy”. I thought nothing of it, a child at play. Then another time we were on the front step and she had a bowl of blueberries. She kept putting her hand out with 1 blueberry in it as if offering it to someone. I asked what she was doing. She told me she was giving it to grandmom. I asked if she saw grandmom and she laughed pointed and said yes right there. I again for the most part, wrote if off to child at play but was a little freaked out. Then one day she was singing, Happy Birthday to be exact. I started to sing with her and she finished and clapped. I asked why she was singing and she told me because it is grandmom’s birthday. It stopped me in my tracks, I had to think for a second but she was right, it was. There is no way she could have known that. I took her for the first (and to date one of only a few visits) to my mother’s grave. She stood over the grave waved chatted for a few minutes and then told me she was finished. We never had another sighting.

I have never seen her but I often “feel” like she is around. I wish she had been when my girls were born. Who knows I guess she has always “been around”…who knows right?

A shot of my mother in a much younger day..about 30ish years ago.

Exhaustion, Televisions and Birthdays

What a day..I am exhausted! I started the morning deciding to push the limits a little and jumped on our elliptical machine for 12 minutes..followed by 5 minutes on the punching bag. I felt really good afterward! My mobility is amazing just since doing the stretches that I started Tuesday. Still sore under my arms and in my chest but I can fully move my arms and my arm strength is good.

What I was not expecting was the rest of the day. My daughter’s birthday is Saturday. For a few years now both birthday and Christmas wishes have been the same, a TV in her room. My answer has always been the same..NO. I have been so vehemently opposed to the idea that this year she did not even ask…so that is what my husband and I got her. She is such a great kid (not that I am biased or anything :-)). She is a straight A student, leaving third grade was reading over a 5th grade level, plays piano and soccer and is just a good kid. Maybe I softened due to how helpful she has been to me but I agreed with my husband she could be responsible with a television in her room.

We decided to make it the biggest surprise possible..totally unexpected so we got it into her room, mounted and connected to the cable today without her having a clue what was happening. It took several trips up and down the steps, moving of this and shifting of that. On my feet all day. The kids were busy in the basement playing with no idea what was happening upstairs. When we were finished they went into the pool with my husband. I should have taken the time to just sit for a bit but instead gathered and ran the laundry, folded what was in the dryer and cleaned up the kitchen.

When they were finished swimming Frank informs me they all decided that we would go to the Diner for dinner..good with me since I had no intention of cooking. The girls got changed in the downstairs bathroom while my husband and I settled onto Megan’s bed with the Television on. I called down that I needed help could they please come up. Without question they came running…it was great! Once they found us, she walked in kind of shocked looking at us sitting on her bed not even noticing why then turned her head…the rest is the stereotypical little girl response. She jumped into the air screaming. I guess she liked it! I love being able to pull off a good surprise!

Next was dinner and some back to school shopping at the mall. Since I am heading back to surgery 8/24, for the nipple reconstruction and revision, I want to make sure these things are taken care of. Not sure how I will feel and how long I will feel that way. We finally walked back into the house about 7:45 after I had announced that I had more than enough and needed to go home!

Right now I sit in peace..my girls are upstairs watching the new TV, husband is in the backyard mowing the lawn in the dark and I happily sit not moving anything other than my finger as I type on the laptop watching the olympics. I can hear the girls talking and laughing..I love that. I am sure it will not stay that way for long but right now it is lovely.

Exhausted after a long but good day!

My beautiful Butterflies

So bear with me on this for a moment. Anyone with young kids who watch either Nickelodeon or The Disney channels, have probably seen the commercials for The Live Butterfly garden. After continual requests, I broke down and bought one. They send you the kit but then you must have the live caterpillars sent to you. They arrive in a container with enough food to feed them until they head into the chrysalis. You move them to the little cage and wait for them to emerge as butterflies. We checked them daily in the cup and were amazed at how much those little caterpillars could eat. We were all very happy yesterday (proud new parents) to 4 new adult butterflies. We will set them free in a few days but the girls are enjoying feeding them and watching for now. It was a fun little project to do with the girls.

Why do I spend so much time on our summer science project? Because as I have watched this change happen over the last few days, this morning it overwhelmingly hit me that for me these butterflies represent my baby girls.

I was so worried prior to my surgery about my family especially my young girls. Megan 7 going on eight in just a week and Madison 5. Those who have read my early posts, know the agony I had both in waiting for the surgery and the pure worry for my girls. How would they handle me not being home? How would my husband handle being alone with them for a week? How would we manage once I came home?

My first night in the ICU my girls came to see me at the hospital. They were not going to let them in. A social worker came to talk to me to let me know they were there but she felt they were too young. I told her that we had talked at length before my entering the hospital and that if they were there I would like them allowed in. She met with them and allowed them to visit. Even with all of those monitors beeping, wires attached to me and scary big machines surrounding me, my big girls came in calmly and held my hand. They stayed just a few minutes. The next few days brought more visits and when I made it to a regular room they helped me walk the hallway.

Since coming home I have watched as my once coddled babies are blossoming….as a team they collect the laundry and run the washer. They loaded their own dishes into the dishwasher and would start it. Megan runs the vacuum while Madison dusts. And at shower time, Madison who was still getting baths takes a shower herself with her big sister helping to wash her hair.

They did not blink an eye at my incisions and on a daily basis tell me how good I look and how well I am doing. They help me do my exercising even cheering me on as if it was an olympic event.

Today I went for my blood work for the next procedure. They went with me. I told them to get dressed..next thing I know they are coming downstairs in skirts. They said it was a big outing for us and they should look the part. How awesome are they?

All of my worry has instead turned into a growing experience for my family.