Retrospection,Introspection and a continued search

what-do-u-want2I wrote a post the other day called What do you want?  As I have thought about the answer to that question all it has done is make me ask myself more questions.  I guess a little introspection is good from time to time.  A long look in the mirror to cleanse the soul.

So, in deciding “what I want”, I started to think about who I am and what I have been through over the last year and a half or so. I scanned through some old posts here and came across one back in April 2012 where I took a shot at a basic introduction.  The only thing I would tend to add or change is that I no longer live in fear of developing breast cancer.  Instead I am very lucky!  I am lucky and thankful that I had the strength to make the decision to have a prophylactic mastectomy. Those who have been peeking in for a while now know what a great decision that was since cancer markers were found in the biopsy.  It was only a matter of time.

I started this blog almost a year ago for myself to clear my thoughts as the process toward the BPM began.  Over time I meet some strong and wonderful woman.  Some of these woman are battling strong_womancancer, others like myself trying to jump out in front but all became inspiration to me in some way.  As the surgeries began, this blog became an avenue to vent, whine and express myself.  It did not matter if anyone actually read but it was nice to know that some did and maybe my experience helped someone the way I was helped.I continue writing now because although I have grown so much personally through this experience, I still do not open up well personally.  This continues to be a great outlet for me.

SO I will continue to type away, rambling about my children, my family and sometimes plain old daily minutia.  I am continuing to work toward the answer of what I want and while doing so will thank god for what I have.  A beautiful family, my health and a future that is wide open.  Not too bad I guess!

That’s for stopping by, I do appreciate it!


Pink Pink everywhere

Every year it spreads a little more, pink ribbons for Breast Cancer Awareness.  But as we are all aware, it is not just ribbons.  It is cleats on professional athletes or bats and gloves.  I went to an office supply store yesterday and felt compelled to buy a pink pen placed on the counter.  My  husband bought a 5 hour energy that was also wrapped in a pretty pink label.  I have some socks with pink ribbons, they sell apparel of all types as well as those plastic bracelets I don’t think there is really anything that has not jumped into the pink arena.  Even the local pet store seems to be “aware”.

I have become a very cynical person in my older age.  I Would just love to believe that all of this money raised in the name of awareness actually went to research for a cure.  Imagine, a future where we would not need to worry about the ever worsening breast cancer statistics, for that matter cancer statistics in general.

CEO’s of these charities making massive six figure salaries, third-party calling centers keeping large percentages of donations for “fees”.

I would love to believe that by the time my girls are old enough I would not need to worry about answer the question that Madison asked a few weeks ago, “Mommy, will Megan and I have to have our boobies operated on when we get older?” I can only hope they will not have to ever know the word mastectomy in theirs lives.

Maybe I am wrong, I pray that I am.  Millions of woman and an increase number of men are counting on it!

A glimpse of normal Part 2

Alright…three weeks out of surgery and WAY over did it today.  God I am sore.  Stupid really but at the time I just wanted to feel normal…feeling way far from normal right now!  Very Frustrated and hurting!