Retrospection,Introspection and a continued search

what-do-u-want2I wrote a post the other day called What do you want?  As I have thought about the answer to that question all it has done is make me ask myself more questions.  I guess a little introspection is good from time to time.  A long look in the mirror to cleanse the soul.

So, in deciding “what I want”, I started to think about who I am and what I have been through over the last year and a half or so. I scanned through some old posts here and came across one back in April 2012 where I took a shot at a basic introduction.  The only thing I would tend to add or change is that I no longer live in fear of developing breast cancer.  Instead I am very lucky!  I am lucky and thankful that I had the strength to make the decision to have a prophylactic mastectomy. Those who have been peeking in for a while now know what a great decision that was since cancer markers were found in the biopsy.  It was only a matter of time.

I started this blog almost a year ago for myself to clear my thoughts as the process toward the BPM began.  Over time I meet some strong and wonderful woman.  Some of these woman are battling strong_womancancer, others like myself trying to jump out in front but all became inspiration to me in some way.  As the surgeries began, this blog became an avenue to vent, whine and express myself.  It did not matter if anyone actually read but it was nice to know that some did and maybe my experience helped someone the way I was helped.I continue writing now because although I have grown so much personally through this experience, I still do not open up well personally.  This continues to be a great outlet for me.

SO I will continue to type away, rambling about my children, my family and sometimes plain old daily minutia.  I am continuing to work toward the answer of what I want and while doing so will thank god for what I have.  A beautiful family, my health and a future that is wide open.  Not too bad I guess!

That’s for stopping by, I do appreciate it!

wl167

More waiting

533629_395555573861729_660755664_nSo for as much as I was hoping to leave the medical headaches of the last year in the last year, I had to go for the followup pelvic ultrasound today.  A million and one people have told me not to worry about it and for the most part of have been able to put it out of my head but those million and one people did not just finish recovering from a bilateral prophylactic mastectomy.  I hate that today is Friday since I will have to wait through the weekend to hear anything.  I would like to believe those million and one people but what has me going today was the length of the ultrasound itself.  This one was more than twice as long as the first.  Now, I understand that sometimes things can not be seen as well and there are many factors including the tech doing it but none of these things can negate the fact that after the last year I am on edge and very much sick of it all!

Now we wait.

Roller skates, basketballs and a big bottle of Tylenol

10020274One of the must have gift this year for both of the girls was roller skates.  I found it interesting since neither have ever skated before nor do we know anyone who does.  I loved the idea!  Good exercise, something they could do together and something not electronic. I remember as a kid skating in my basement in my white, metal wheeled skates.  The basement was really the only place you could skate with those metal wheels, hit a rock in the street and you went flying. Who ever thought metal wheels was a good idea?

So the girls received the skates from their aunt and uncle and both were thrilled.  Having wooden floors makes the house a small skating rink.  The day after Christmas and still in pajamas the skates were on and laced.  One at a time turns were taken holding my arm (tightly) as we went back and forth down the hall.  This lasted only until I was kicked so hard in the ankle I almost fell down.  Even with a death grip on my arm, neither of my balance challenged angels could stay on their feet.  The session lasted a few minutes until we agreed to take a break.

My ankle was sore for days!  That was the last time mommy stood anywhere near a child with wheels on their feet!

In between skating sessions, the make shift skating rink transforms into a basket ball arena for the new balls the girls received from their father.  The weather has been lousy here and over break there were battling flu/infections and viruses so we have been  basically stuck inside.  It is amazing the amount of thumping noise 2 basketballs can create. 12917515-illustration-of-a-basketball-mascot-walking

Over the passing days the balance on the skates has improved as has the ability to bounce the basketball.  Now they are running up and down the hall attempting to shoot it against my front door.   It is better than sitting around all day.  It is a nice break from the computer and Ipad activities.  I am sure that if they put the ball through a window my opinion may change, we will keep our fingers crossed!

My mother would never have approved :-).