Tag: Health

Retrospection,Introspection and a continued search

what-do-u-want2I wrote a post the other day called What do you want?  As I have thought about the answer to that question all it has done is make me ask myself more questions.  I guess a little introspection is good from time to time.  A long look in the mirror to cleanse the soul.

So, in deciding “what I want”, I started to think about who I am and what I have been through over the last year and a half or so. I scanned through some old posts here and came across one back in April 2012 where I took a shot at a basic introduction.  The only thing I would tend to add or change is that I no longer live in fear of developing breast cancer.  Instead I am very lucky!  I am lucky and thankful that I had the strength to make the decision to have a prophylactic mastectomy. Those who have been peeking in for a while now know what a great decision that was since cancer markers were found in the biopsy.  It was only a matter of time.

I started this blog almost a year ago for myself to clear my thoughts as the process toward the BPM began.  Over time I meet some strong and wonderful woman.  Some of these woman are battling strong_womancancer, others like myself trying to jump out in front but all became inspiration to me in some way.  As the surgeries began, this blog became an avenue to vent, whine and express myself.  It did not matter if anyone actually read but it was nice to know that some did and maybe my experience helped someone the way I was helped.I continue writing now because although I have grown so much personally through this experience, I still do not open up well personally.  This continues to be a great outlet for me.

SO I will continue to type away, rambling about my children, my family and sometimes plain old daily minutia.  I am continuing to work toward the answer of what I want and while doing so will thank god for what I have.  A beautiful family, my health and a future that is wide open.  Not too bad I guess!

That’s for stopping by, I do appreciate it!

wl167

More waiting

533629_395555573861729_660755664_nSo for as much as I was hoping to leave the medical headaches of the last year in the last year, I had to go for the followup pelvic ultrasound today.  A million and one people have told me not to worry about it and for the most part of have been able to put it out of my head but those million and one people did not just finish recovering from a bilateral prophylactic mastectomy.  I hate that today is Friday since I will have to wait through the weekend to hear anything.  I would like to believe those million and one people but what has me going today was the length of the ultrasound itself.  This one was more than twice as long as the first.  Now, I understand that sometimes things can not be seen as well and there are many factors including the tech doing it but none of these things can negate the fact that after the last year I am on edge and very much sick of it all!

Now we wait.

Relax, don’t worry, wash that gray away

There was a time when I worked when I had a reputation of instilling fear.  I was a no-nonsense kind of person who did not put up with much.  I was also known to have a bit of a short fuse and let’s just say that patience was not a virtue. I do not know if it is age or life experience especially those medical experiences over the last year but I really seem to be seeing things differently and reacting much differently.  (Patience, well still working on that one a bit :-))

I had an appointment to get my hair touch up today.  I arrived and sat for a few minutes chatting with the ladies at the desk.  I have been going to the same salon for years now.  We chatted about Christmas, taking down the holiday decorations and how we all welcomed the normal routine returning.  AFter sitting for 5-10 minutes they decided to call the person who does my hair since she seemed to be running late.

As the call was being made one of the owners of the salon had come to the front, a very nice gentlemen about my age.  The news was then delivered, there was a miscommunication and they were so sorry but my stylist thought she had the day off.  Now, since I had surgery the week of Thanksgiving my hair schedule is a mess and I was WAY overdue for my touch up.  At 41, it is very clear that if I would allow it to grow in I would be fully gray, a look I am not ready for to say the least.

What happens next speaks to the changes I am experiencing in my older age I guess.  The owner immediately jumped in and said he would do my hair.  Now….for many women this is a very personal thing.  They wait weeks to get appointments with “their person”.  People become loyal, right or wrong.  Along with his offer to do my hair were continued apologies and an offer of a 20% price reduction on all services for the day.

I smiled and told them all to relax.  I was not upset at all.  I believe exactly what I said was, “no problem shit happens”.  I was getting the gray out which was the goal of the day.  Getting a discount, well that was a bonus.  There was a time where this probably would have set me off but why?  The way the shop handled it was about as well as you could ever hope for.  The woman who does my hair has an ill father who is preparing for surgery.  Between that, the holidays and her own family added in can overwhelm anyone.  Years ago I would not have know that because I guess I did not really care.  dontsweatthesmallstuff

There are real problems in life involving real people.  Life is just too short to get crazy over silly, stupid or senseless issues.  I guess we would all be better off if we could figure these things out much earlier.  I am happy that I am finally realizing it myself!