I suddenly feel very old

Dinner conversation with the girls when their father is not around is never boring. When he is at the table things tend to be a bit more subdued but tonight he had a conference call and was in his office. Before we sat down to dinner, Madison and I downloaded a few read along books to her iPad. While at dinner I asked her if she had listened to them and if they were good. She looked me in the eye and began to explain that yes, the book about the Hamsters was very good. There was a boy and a girl hamster who grew up together, and over time fell in love got married and began to fight crime together.

Somewhat stunned, I finished chewing my chicken. In my head I thought that I should really do a better job and reviewing things before downloading them for my 6-year-old. The pictures seemed very cute and gave no clue of the crime fighting career. As I finished a small drink of my water I looked at Madison, who herself was now chewing and asked simply “Really?” At this simple question both of my children laughed at me. Madison once again looked me in the eye and said, “of course not Mom, I have not even looked at that one yet.”

Megan, as if seizing an opportunity to pounce on me while I was off-balance, proceeds to tell me that all of the kids in her class will have boyfriends/girlfriends by sixth grade. I turned my head slighty to my 8-year-old and asked why she would say such a thing. She proceeds to explain to me that there were already 3 “relationships” in her class although one was “rocky”. No no no!

My answer to both was simple, get dressed we are going to Karate!

I suddenly feel very old!

If I think positive maybe I could strike it rich

Tomorrow I expect to receive a call with the results of my ultrasound. I of course am hoping to hear that all is good and I can finally move forward from this 2 year-long medical black cloud. I will think positive thoughts and hope for the best!

Thursday is another big day. I am back in Madison’s classroom to help out with journal writing. The first time in the class was before Christmas and it was eye-opening. The goal is to get them to write a 2-3 word sentence using their “kid writing”. Write the word the way they hear it. Well let’s just say it was something. A few who just looked at me wanting me to spell it for them or the others who thought it was cool that Madi’s mommy was there so they were totally distracted. The attention span on some is really short lol. Madison loves that I am coming again and that is all that matters! I will be in there every other week until the end of the year I believe. I hope this week goes a bit better!

SO I am sitting here watching the History channel and the show Bamazon where some construction workers from Alabama have headed into the Amazon jungle to search for gold. There are several of these shows on now and all are basically the same premise. A group of people who are already financially drained head into an extreme area, jungle, Bearing Sea, Alaska, and attempt to strike it rich. People (I) watch because you pull for them hoping that someone will hit it big but of course are not surprised when not only do they not hit it big but more often end up in even deeper debt that they started out with.

My kids laugh at me for watching these shows, more because I believe they find them boring. I guess It is just holding on to some kind of hope that anyone who tries hard enough can strike it rich. I mean, we all know the saying money can’t buy happiness but is can sure pay the bills and that makes me pretty happy!

Retrospection,Introspection and a continued search

I wrote a post the other day called What do you want? As I have thought about the answer to that question all it has done is make me ask myself more questions. I guess a little introspection is good from time to time. A long look in the mirror to cleanse the soul.

So, in deciding “what I want”, I started to think about who I am and what I have been through over the last year and a half or so. I scanned through some old posts here and came across one back in April 2012 where I took a shot at a basic introduction. The only thing I would tend to add or change is that I no longer live in fear of developing breast cancer. Instead I am very lucky! I am lucky and thankful that I had the strength to make the decision to have a prophylactic mastectomy. Those who have been peeking in for a while now know what a great decision that was since cancer markers were found in the biopsy. It was only a matter of time.

I started this blog almost a year ago for myself to clear my thoughts as the process toward the BPM began. Over time I meet some strong and wonderful woman. Some of these woman are battling cancer, others like myself trying to jump out in front but all became inspiration to me in some way. As the surgeries began, this blog became an avenue to vent, whine and express myself. It did not matter if anyone actually read but it was nice to know that some did and maybe my experience helped someone the way I was helped.I continue writing now because although I have grown so much personally through this experience, I still do not open up well personally. This continues to be a great outlet for me.

SO I will continue to type away, rambling about my children, my family and sometimes plain old daily minutia. I am continuing to work toward the answer of what I want and while doing so will thank god for what I have. A beautiful family, my health and a future that is wide open. Not too bad I guess!

That’s for stopping by, I do appreciate it!