Tag: family

What a day

What a morning.  As I continue my party to the operating room agenda, I had a big reality check this morning…I am not a young party animal anymore!  We had friends over last evening and had a great time as did the kids.  They watched movies and played all night in the basement until one by one they all fell asleep. MY mix of B-52’s and beer made for an extremely rough morning the likes of which I don’t think I have seen since college…nor do I plan on repeating any time soon!  It was a great time though!

Happy Fathers day to my husband.  The kids have kept him busy all day washing the car then reading together under the willow tree.  Very cute!  Then wrapped up the afternoon going for ice cream…for dinner.  Not an activity I would normally approve of but hey..guess once in a while it can’t hurt.

I did finally talk to the girls today.  I did not tell them more than they really needed to know.  I stressed that I was not sick and by doing this would not get sick.  They reacted according to their normal personalities..Madison started talking loud and fast and running up and down the hall way between questions.  I will need to keep an eye on her.  It is still processing in her little 5-year-old brain.  She did tell me that she did not want to visit me in the hospital because of what happened last year.  She said it scared her and she did not want to go back.  I told her that I fully understood.

Megan on the other hand is my worrier .  She tried to be tough until I told her that it was alright to tell me what she was thinking.  Then the tears came.  Lots of hugs between questions.  She seems fine now.  I guess we will take it day by day.

We are now just 2 weeks away from the mastectomy.  Wow..almost hard to wrap my head around.  After a year of biopsy, scans, appointments and worry we are almost there.  Finally!  I can not wait until it is over!

Eyes wide open…and blood-shot

I can not sleep.  For years now, Sleep is something that I have battled.  I could sit here for several more hours with no luck then tomorrow I will drag all afternoon. I have a doctors appointment in the morning so maybe that is part of it…reality really hits hard starting tomorrow!

So to pass the time I am sitting here flipping channels and nothing interesting is on.   How funny is that?  Growing up we had like 5 total channels until cable first rolled out.  Even then just a handful and you could always find something interesting.  Now reality shows, 24 hour news; none of it good, and shock TV.

The rest of the family is in bed so I am alone with just my little ole thoughts which of course are raging, racing and never-ending. I printed up the visitation hours for the hospital for Frank and the girls.  I was worried that they may not be able to see me in the ICU since they are so young but after scanning the hospitals page I don’t think that should be a problem. That puts me a little more at ease.  At least they will be able to come and see that I am alright. They are so innocent, so caring and so loving with absolutely nothing attached. So many people as they get older have too many strings.

One thing about all of those strings, once you are able to get yourself to make the decision to cut off currently healthy parts of your body for the best interest of yourself and your family, it makes it extremely easy to remove unwanted strings from your life.  All in keeping things in perspective I guess, something that we easily lose when we become so busy that we forget to step back and reflect on our lives.  Right now that is all I am doing..too much so at times!

Well let’s hope things go well at the doctor tomorrow.

 

Stress?!

The rains have finally started..much needed.  The weather has called for it all week but instead just heat and sun.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the nice weather but once in a while a good rain is needed!

I have begun to shift into preparation mode.  Went shopping bought some “recuperation outfits”.  A “mom” robe I have termed it because it looks way too much like what my mother worn for years.  It has a big zipper in the front and short sleeve so easy access.  Do what you have to do I guess.  Also bought some men’s tank tops…read on someone’s blog that post mastectomy  that they were easy to get into and pin the drains to.  I guess we should stop here for a moment for the mental image of that outfit….yikes!

As we get closer, people who know what is happening want to talk to me about the surgery. I on the other hand do not want to discuss it.  I am not sure why…I am solid in my decision and it is always on my mind but I just do not want to talk about it!  I am sure that I come across as short or rude which is not intended.  I don’t know, guess it is my thing.

Tomorrow night is date night.  Should be fun.  Going to a restaurant that we have never been to..highly rated.  It will be good to get away for a few hours!  Been a long few weeks…not sleeping well, mind racing.  I am SOOOO ready to be through the surgery!