Month: June 2012

Eyes wide open…and blood-shot

I can not sleep.  For years now, Sleep is something that I have battled.  I could sit here for several more hours with no luck then tomorrow I will drag all afternoon. I have a doctors appointment in the morning so maybe that is part of it…reality really hits hard starting tomorrow!

So to pass the time I am sitting here flipping channels and nothing interesting is on.   How funny is that?  Growing up we had like 5 total channels until cable first rolled out.  Even then just a handful and you could always find something interesting.  Now reality shows, 24 hour news; none of it good, and shock TV.

The rest of the family is in bed so I am alone with just my little ole thoughts which of course are raging, racing and never-ending. I printed up the visitation hours for the hospital for Frank and the girls.  I was worried that they may not be able to see me in the ICU since they are so young but after scanning the hospitals page I don’t think that should be a problem. That puts me a little more at ease.  At least they will be able to come and see that I am alright. They are so innocent, so caring and so loving with absolutely nothing attached. So many people as they get older have too many strings.

One thing about all of those strings, once you are able to get yourself to make the decision to cut off currently healthy parts of your body for the best interest of yourself and your family, it makes it extremely easy to remove unwanted strings from your life.  All in keeping things in perspective I guess, something that we easily lose when we become so busy that we forget to step back and reflect on our lives.  Right now that is all I am doing..too much so at times!

Well let’s hope things go well at the doctor tomorrow.

 

30 days….

So dinner was excellent!  We went to DelFrisco’s Double Eagle Steak House and the food was fantastic!  It was originally an old bank built in the 30’s.  Very cool with the huge columns.  A very nice night with my husband.

30 days from today tick tock tick tock. This time next month the surgery should be over or close to it and the recovery stage will begin.  Now we just need to get through the 30 days.

I went to the chiropractor the other day, felt much better after I left.  Seems I am holding a bunch of stress LOL…I was not too surprised to hear that.  I made 2 more appointments for this month.

This week I see Dr. Atabek and need to get my pre-op blood work drawn.  Also have Field day at Megan’s school and a dinner with cousins of my husband’s that I have never met.  And of course the normal karate and softball.  Should be an interesting week I guess.

30 days….after all of this agonizing time, where has the time gone?  I am sure these days will both drag and fly at the same time!

Stress?!

The rains have finally started..much needed.  The weather has called for it all week but instead just heat and sun.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the nice weather but once in a while a good rain is needed!

I have begun to shift into preparation mode.  Went shopping bought some “recuperation outfits”.  A “mom” robe I have termed it because it looks way too much like what my mother worn for years.  It has a big zipper in the front and short sleeve so easy access.  Do what you have to do I guess.  Also bought some men’s tank tops…read on someone’s blog that post mastectomy  that they were easy to get into and pin the drains to.  I guess we should stop here for a moment for the mental image of that outfit….yikes!

As we get closer, people who know what is happening want to talk to me about the surgery. I on the other hand do not want to discuss it.  I am not sure why…I am solid in my decision and it is always on my mind but I just do not want to talk about it!  I am sure that I come across as short or rude which is not intended.  I don’t know, guess it is my thing.

Tomorrow night is date night.  Should be fun.  Going to a restaurant that we have never been to..highly rated.  It will be good to get away for a few hours!  Been a long few weeks…not sleeping well, mind racing.  I am SOOOO ready to be through the surgery!