Dreams can come true, once the pain is gone

And the Disney trip planning is in full swing. Today marks the 180 day mark until we land in Orlando. Dinning reservations have started with dinner in Italy at Via Napoli (Epcot’s version of Italy anyway). Making plans for our Disney trip allows a nice distraction for us all!

I can’t believe 56 days have passed since the bilateral prophylactic mastectomy. All of that time waiting seems like a lifetime ago. What is very real to me right now is the pain I still feel from the nipple reconstruction on Friday. I knew the revision was going to be extensive but I just was not fully prepared.

I received a call from my doctor’s office today. The call came from his assistant who was also the woman who removed the last of the drains. I told her that the pain level was much higher than expected. In reading the op report she explained that it is for a few reasons.

First, the doctor gathered the skin from around the flap to build the new nipple. He did need to harvest some skin which he did from the actual flap itself and then gathered everything around it..ouch. The incisions he made to remove the “air bags” that had grown under my arms goes all the way under my arm. On top of that, she explained that liposuction is much more painful than people realize and that mine was extensive. I can see bruises all the way into my back as high as my shoulder and as low as right above my ribs.

I still personally feel that it was a real stretch to do this surgery as an outpatient, not that I wanted to be in the hospital but I wonder if the pain could have been managed better.

Although I am happy to be home, it has been a very rough weekend for my family. But we are all trying our best. I downloaded a new jumpstart game for the girls today. They love those programs. In a few hours I will be ready for a nap so I will put a movie on in my bedroom and let them lay with me while I sleep.

Positive things:

A mix of Oxy and Valium made for a wonderful night sleep last night, best in weeks
Making dinning reservations for Disney with the girls allows us to change the subject for just a bit
once they finally stop hurting..my boobs are perky as hell! Been a LONG time since I could say that!

I am sure that like before, each day will be better. Until tomorrow….

An apology for my girls, an education for me

I remember when my girls were born, such little angels. So helpless. As I have written before, I still thought they were helpless before the Mastectomy. Over the last 52 days since, they have shown me how wrong I was, how much they have grown. I debate with myself if this “growth” was good or forced because of my surgery and will therefor have a negative impact.

From time to time I feel I owe them an apology. The other day was one of those days. Maybe with the surgery tomorrow, my mind has been swirling a little more that I thought. The apology went a little like this:

I know this summer has not been what you had both hoped for and for that I am sorry. I know that you would rather have been doing a hundred other things instead of taking care of me. I am sorry for that and I love you both very much! Megan quickly jumped it with: ” No problem mom. If I understand what you told us you did this so you would not get sick. So if you do not get sick then you will be around when I have children and I need you to be around because I don’t even know how to hold a baby”. To which Madison jumped in with “me either Megan, do you have to keep a hand under the babies head?”

That was the end of the apology and the beginning of a 15 minute conversation about babies, holding them, diapers, baby gas and were they gassy babies. I guess growth comes from all experiences good, bad, positive, negative, forced and intended. All are necessary and I guess the important thing is ensuring we are always there for them to talk to no matter what is happening.

After a conversation like that I realize…they are just fine. Perfect as a matter of fact! No matter what they will always be my babies, and I will worry about everything but they are growing into wonderful little girls!

Tomorrow is the day! NEWPPLES!

And yes, they were both gassy babies!

Family day out

So yesterday I mentioned that today was to be family day. We decided to get into the car and head to Cape May. Quaint Coastal town with shopping, a cool old light house and of course the zoo. A little something for everyone. I am not a big collector of things. I have only one collection and we only get to view it once a year. I collect Santa Clause and all things Christmas….gotta love Santa! I have more Christmas decorations than I do normal decor.

Decorating has become a tradition in our house. We break it all out on the day after Thanksgiving (referred to as Black Friday for the many years I worked all day long 12-14 hours in my retail days). Now we enjoy the day decorating. It stays up until New Years Day when we watch the Mummers parade (a huge local tradition) and pack it all away. There are a few cool Christmas stores in Cape May that I like to hit. We skipped last year so I was due for some new decoration shopping.

It was a nice day, started at the zoo. Always a fun time. Nice weather, good to be out walking around.

Next we heading to lunch. I live roughly 40 minutes from the beach. Growing up, my mother loved the Jersey shore. We vacationed at the beach for days on end. Did not matter the weather, we were on that beach from what seemed like dawn to dusk. Now that I am an adult I can honestly say, I hate the beach. I can not stand sand between my toes, seagulls swooping everywhere and over priced, over rated out of repair coastal “landmarks”. This is why I have a pool. So for lunch we went to a little place with a deck that overlooked the beach.

A little shopping followed, some sight-seeing at the lighthouse and then the beach. NOT to enjoy the sand but to show the girls the old WWII bunker and WWI sunken concrete ship that lie on the coast. By the time we made it to the bunker I was out of gas. We had done a lot of walking and my body reminded me that surgery was not that long ago. I sent the Frank and the girls ahead to see the bunker. I stayed back and waited. Too far of a walk and across the sand, I just did not have it in me! I thought the three of them looked so cute walking across the beach.